If you live in Lagos, chances are that you have been obtained at one time or the other.
‘Obtaining’ is street slang for being relieved of something that belongs to you by another person whether by force, through guile or sheer “braggadocio
Now the term is not as innocent as it seems. It is actually a means of not saying someone STOLE from you because while “stealing” sounds bad “obtaining” sounds you know, not so bad.
So, if I tell you that I have 40,000 liters of diesel for sale at half the price and you being greedy agree and pay me then I disappear with the money and diesel, that would be classified by the police under Obtaining By Tricks aka OBT. Now, you can see where boys on the street got the term.
So, if a police man stops you and asks you to give him 5k because your tail light is broken and you end up paying it means the police man has obtained you.
Now, when was the first time I was obtained? It was 1999 or was it 1998. The day, (if you are old like me you will recall), Soul2Soul came to Lagos and shut down TBS.
I was driving a rickety Kia car then and that car had turned me into a homosexual because I was literally having an affair with my mechanic with whom I was spending my Saturday mornings.
After our tryst that morning, I had gone home, showered then headed out with my friends Ralph Bruce and David Njoku. We went too pick up this girl I was toasting (it was our first date) and then we went to this joint off Kofo Abayomi. We were drinking and playing Snooker when it started raining. So, we played on and drank some more.
Around 10 pm, we decided to head to TBS for the Soul2Soul show. We got out and the back tyre was flat. So, we went back in and waited for the rain to ease. At about midnight when the rain didn’t seem like it would stop, we finally went outside and behold there was no jack. I had left it at the mechanic’s.
So finally we loosened the tyre then me and Ralph and Dave pulled up the car while this girl I had just met helped us remove the flat tyre and put in the spare and you know because it was a babe it took longer to get done but we finally did it.
By this time we were all drenched. The babe was shivering and her hair was a mess so she said she wasn’t going to any concert. So, we decided to head to Surulere, to a place called Cousin T on Adeniran Ogunsanya, that is the place where you now have Shoprite. It used to open all night and there was always cold beer and warm food and music plus magicians and prostitutes and pimps.
Anyway we got into the car and headed towards Apongbon. Now, in those days before Fashola and Ambode happened to Lagos and turned it into a beautiful place, Apogbon used to be a dangerous place. When it rained it got flooded and when it was not flooded there would be go-slow and area boys would rob passengers.
So, that night as we got to Apogbon, there was a huge flood and Area Boys were operating so I decided to speed my way through.
Bad move because before you could say Jack Robinson, my car stuttered and died right inside ‘River Apogbon’.
We were stuck; three young guys and one fine babe with top so wet all her bra and nipples were showing.
One Area Boy knocked on the window and when I wound said “Make we push una.”
I said “Yes, thank you.”
Four area boys pushed us safely out of the flood then the same Area Boy knocked again on my window.
“You want make we push you make your moto start?”
Again I said “Yes, thank you.”
So, they pushed us farther away then the guy knocked again on my window.
“Oya, make una bring una wallet before we push una.”
It was such a calm request that we had all given him our wallets before we realized we were being robbed, sorry OBTAINED.
They emptied our wallets of cash then gave them back to us.
Then they went to the back of the car, pushed us, I jumped the car, it came to life and we sped off to Surulere, free but without a dime.
We had been legit obtained.