Like every Nigerian child, I went through the debate phase in Primary School where we were made to cram things we didn’t understand and make wild gestures with our hands. “Good day panel of judges, moderator, time keeper…,” you know the drill. That I had a bad stutter didn’t save me, my teachers made me practice my speech by talking slowly.
By Primary 3 and 4, our class teacher decided we had had enough of “teacher and farmer who is better” kind of debates, so she gave us a new topic, “there are more girls than boys in the world, argue for or against.”
Our 9/10-year-old minds had no coherent thoughts to debate on this. So she gave us part of a text to read. In the text, the author said there are more girls than boys because from childhood boys are rough, they play games that endanger their lives, this continues through their teenage years, when some of them will join ‘bad gangs’ and so on. As adults, men cater for homes; do hard work so they tend to die faster than women.
I remembered that text last December when I was waiting to cross the road. There were several others waiting to cross. The road was really busy and we all know that if Lagos drivers slow down or stop for people to cross, their heads will fall off. So there we were waiting, when a tiny gap appeared on the road because of danfo buses slowing down to pick up passengers, but it still wasn’t safe to cross. Guess what? All the men waiting crossed, without minding that a big truck was coming at full speed. Some of the women screamed.
That was when my mind flashed back to my Primary 3 debate topic and that text. Why are you guys trying to kill yourselves? That is the job of the APC government; your own job is to make sure you survive despite their useless policies.
Because we care, here are a few tips to survive in this carnivorous city.
Don’t cross the expressways. USE THE PEDESTRIAN BRIDGES!
But if you must do stubborn head, look, left, right, and left again, then wait until the road is free before you cross- honestly where are you rushing to? Drivers in Lagos, especially the danfo drivers have mental health issues, don’t forget this as you use the road with them.
Don’t argue with police, or anybody wearing a uniform or wielding a gun. You see how the economy is biting everybody, and these guys have guns, abi you want to be the next hashtag?
On the economy again, remember that your bank will never ask you to send your details, THEY HAVE IT. There’s hunger in the land, scammers are on the prowl. They will call you, text, send emails. Shine ya (H)eyes!
Let people know where you are going to and who you will be with. Don’t tell stupid lies, if you can’t tell your parents, friends, lovers where you are going, then you shouldn’t go. (Idiot!!!)
This is all I can remember now. Don’t say we never did anything good for you. Let those who have ears, hear.