A tale of two stupid men – Lucia Edafioka

Babies of the 90s who grew up watching cable TV will remember two stupid dogs on Cartoon Network. It usually showed in the afternoon after Adams Family. This, however, is not a story about cartoons or dogs, it is a story of two stupid men

One evening I was at the bus stop, waiting for a bus along with a few other people. Two buses finally arrived almost at the same time, they were going in the same direction. I got into the one, in front, but it wasn’t yet full so the conductors stepped out and continued calling out to passengers.

Sabo, Yaba, Sabo, Yaba

From the corner of my eye I saw the driver of the other bus get down and walk towards our own bus. When he got to the bus, he began to curse the driver. The driver too replied him. It didn’t sound like fresh quarrel, the guys had a thing for each other. I couldn’t really gather what they were saying, it was in very fast Yoruba. The people in the bus I was in – women and men – told the driver to mind the other one. But it seemed that the man’s words were cutting fresh wounds into his body. So all the E don do, no mind am, oya drive go,  no answer am passed through his left ears and came out from the right one.

Next thing I saw, the other driver put his hands inside the bus, spread his fingers apart in the shege way, only I don’t know what he said but it hit home.

Ehn?

The driver in the bus I was on jumped out, the other one, rushed to meet him and in nano-seconds, eyes had grown into the size of eggs, cheek bones had been split open, noses were dripping blood. One spat into the other’s face. We all came out of the bus.

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People tried to stop them but they were bent on letting the devil complete a game of panya on their heads.

Because it was at the junction of a bend and with the way their buses were parked other road users couldn’t go through. They horned and horned. These two stupid men refused to stop.

And knowing Lagos, in a few minutes they’d caused a serious gridlock and the gridlock attracted LASTMA officers from the other end of the road. As the LASTMA officers were coming, a police Van also drove by.

The policemen, seeing free dinner jumped down from their van, grabbed the two stupid men and threw them inside like rags. LASTMA officers collected their keys and drove their buses away.

In this Buhari’s economy!

I am sure by the time they have raised money to bail themselves from police cell, and then bail their buses from LASTMA, the next time devil tries to play panya on their heads, they will reject him.

Stupid men.

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