Thoughts about death and dying
“Nobody wan kpai (die) but them wan go heaven” said 2Baba in his song “No shaking”. He expressed a very real sentiment that many Nigerians share. We all know our time will come one day but not many of us are willing to even consider the thought that we will eventually be no more.
Death is something I have come to understand as a sure part of life. I am tempted to say that it intrigues me. I probably think about it more often than I should but I don’t necessarily mean my death. Sometimes, I find myself wondering what life is all about especially when I hear about someone’s passing. We probably all do that anyway. Whenever I come across obituaries and tributes, I spend time reflecting on the lives of the departed. I enjoy reading the testimonials about them. I guess it is something that keeps me grounded, reminding me to remain humble and dependent on God as I do not own my life.
Ecclesiastes 7:2–3 New King James Version (NKJV) “Better to go to the house of mourning Than to go to the house of feasting, For that is the end of all men; And the living will take it to heart. Sorrow is better than laughter, For by a sad countenance the heart is made better”.
I have spent the last few days watching the tribute events for the late Wigwes: Herbert, Chizoba and Chizi Wigwe. The news of their death shocked so many people. I guess it was because they died in a helicopter crash, together as a family with Herbert’s friend, Chief Abimbola Ogunbanjo and the two pilots. I didn’t know any of them personally but for some reason, I knew that I had to watch their tribute events. I heard so many things about all three of them but what resonated with me the most was the need to live a life of impact and to live life well.
The first time I experienced the death of someone I knew was when an older cousin, who had sickle cell, passed on. He was here one minute and gone the next. He was about 19 and I was probably about eight years old. I remember my father sharing the news of his death and how sad I felt realising that I would never see him again. Aside from realising this, I am not quite sure I understood what had happened. My maternal and paternal grandmothers passed a few years later. I was much closer to my maternal grandmother as we (uncles, aunts and cousins) used to spend a lot of Sunday afternoons at her house. I remember that I was washing dishes in the kitchen when my mum told me and I burst into tears. Her death hit home and I cried a lot even at her funeral.
My father died many years later while I was in uni, it was quite a shock. I had seen him a couple of weeks before, he was well so the news of his death was the last thing I expected to hear. It was a trying time but family and friends were available to provide emotional support. I think I reconsidered my mortality fully during this time. Nothing jolts one about the futility of life like a loved one passing away, whether it was expected or not. Many more friends and family members have since passed on over the years. Some young, some old. Some after an illness, some without notice. One is tempted to think more people are dying but I guess the older one gets, the more aware of death one becomes since older people tend to pass on much more than younger people.
The thought of when I would die has definitely crossed my mind especially when I have been in precarious or perhaps what I considered near-death experiences. I remember once being on a flight with serious turbulence and most of the passengers were screaming, shouting and praying out loud. I have always wondered about this. How do my screams and shouts change the course of the flight if the plane is about to crash? Why panic? Why let fear inspire your prayers? My mindset is that I can do all the worrying I want but one either survives or goes, those are the only outcomes. Spending time in quiet reflection and prayer is more beneficial in my opinion.
What makes us afraid of death? Why are we so afraid of talking about death and considering our death? Ask anyone anything about death, you are most likely going to be greeted with “God forbid”. Be a bit more specific and ask if they have a will, they are more likely to jokingly ask you if you want to kill them. Considering that none of us are getting out of this world alive, death is something we must think about.
If we don’t like to think about our death, one can imagine how unlikely it is to think about the people we will leave behind when we go. Coping after the death of a loved one is very tough and some people never get over the loss. The pain never goes away no matter how old the person was. However, it usually helps when the bereaved have a good support system. Some people have been known to have predatory family members who are more concerned about profiting from the death of their kin than providing a shoulder for those left behind.
This makes me remember how unprepared many people could be when they die. Since no one knows exactly when they will pass on, there is a tendency to not consider setting our affairs in order. The discussion of having wills and trusts that provide for surviving family members or even fixing relationships that may have gone south is not often top of mind. Many of us are focused on living life to the fullest without remembering that we could use our resources to improve the lives of other people. We all need to plan to die as we live life.
I remember when a friend of mine passed on some years ago. There was a comment she had made which resonated with me and eventually made sense after her death: “We procrastinate because we believe we have enough time but we don’t know how much time we have”. I often remember this whenever I am procrastinating about something I know I should do. Who guarantees that I will have the time to do what I know to do?
Death is inevitable. We should live every day conscious of this as we strive to live lives worthy of emulation. Impact is a must, after all, what is the point of passing through life and not leaving one’s mark? It’s not just about focusing on executing big goals, it just means we should touch the lives of those we can when we can. Let’s consider our mortality in everything we do, perhaps it will make us better human beings.
This is the way I see things today.