Okay, following the non-brouhaha that was the outing of a well known comedian as the potential baby daddy of a month’s old baby born to a Nigerian Facebook user, one thing played out.
In trying to sound more catholic than the pope – who has abolished hell fire by the way, so make una dey jollof dey go, we are all heaven bound – a lot of Nigerian men on social media have been trying their utmost best to irritate the heck out of the rest of us normal human beings.
According to them, it is their “responsibility” and “duty” to ensure that they slip on protection before any sexual encounter with any woman and if the sweetness of skinny dipping is tiri morsh for them that they “forget” to slip on protection, it is their “duty” and “responsibility” to ensure that they get a morning after pill for the young lady and then if all else fails, it is also their “duty” and “responsibility” to hoohoohoohaahaahaayadayadayada.
Okay, we have heard.
Sounds like the fairy tales and yarns a certain category of men tell a certain category of girls (usually the naïve, the underage, those of a social class far lower than theirs and the extremely desperate), to get them to open their legs wide and allow them access without protection.
Permit me to call bullshit on all this “duty” and “responsibility” talk. It appears some of you missed the opportunity to be Duty Prefects in your schools and are looking for every chance to market yourself, in case Mark Zuckerberg decides to start employing duty prefects.
Please listen to me Dear Nigerian Men, the only person you owe any duty and responsibility to use protective cover, is yourself and the wife you most definitely left at home to go and philander outside while trying to form “duty” and “responsibility”.
Stop trying to sound woke and gain the approval of Facebook feminists, most of the time those breed of humans don’t even know which way is up. They just flipflop around, hoping that last last, the people they are talking to are not listening hard enough to smell their horse crap.
If you are going around skinny dipping, you owe yourself the duty of protecting yourself from the smorgasbord of social diseases a casual somebody who is willing to let you poke your naked ojongo in her innards, is most certainly incubating. I mean think about it – both a man and a woman who are willing to take the risk of unclad sex with one person, are more than willing to take that same risk with as many other people as possible.
So, your primary duty is to yourself.
And the longsuffering wife you left at home who is being a Proverbs 31¾ Christian Mother, and whom you will definitely afflict with “oko junction” and the shame of having to watch her husband being dragged upandan by baby mamas all over the place.
But you see, any woman above the age of 21 that you are having sex with, does not need you to do any “duty” or “responsibility” other than give her an orgasm – if you can o – then just come and be going.
Today’s women have rights over their own bodies, they have a knowledge and awareness of their bodies and they know that making love without a condom is equal to a hundred possibilities, one of which is a healthy, bouncing baby at the end of nine months.
So, a woman who is sleeping with you without a condom is being deliberate.
Wipe that image of the helpless, hapless woman who can not even make her own contraceptive decisions or decide whether she is ready to have a baby now or not, out of your mind. Except you have gone to intimidate one small girl into having sex with you, women of today don’t play the pregnancy Russian Roulette without taking a million and one things into consideration.
Of course, depending on how “rich” or “famous” you are, you should have an idea what the goal is.
So, help us and pocket the useless duty and responsibility of the nodding prick, we are not impressed when we hear you say that. And leave today’s woman out of the delusions of grandeur you feel when you talk about how it is your “duty as the man to make sure you protect your partner from pregnancy”.
Taaa!
If that duty fails nko? Are you going to force her to take the morning after pill? If that one fails too, what next? Will you force her to undergo an abortion? Or arrange assasins if she refuses to go through with the procedure?
Biko bend left and go and talk to your fellow men about how they need to protect themselves and their wives from social diseases and the embarrassment that will come from fathering a child out of wedlock. Especially since in hindsight, the beer goggles ALWAYS comes off and they begin to wonder if they were blindfolded and brainwashed into the game.
Go and face your fellow men and talk to them.
Leave us to speak to our fellow women.
And in case you are wondering what we plan to tell ourselves, I’ll make this brief:
- We are in charge of our bodies.
- We will protect ourselves during sex.
- If we fail to protect ourselves during sex, we are prepared to bear the consequences whatever it may be (bearing in mind that pregnancy and eventual childbirth is even one of the kindest fallouts of illicit and unprotected sex).
- If we have a baby, we will be prepared to take care of that baby.
- If you choose to be a responsible part of the entire situation, fine. If not, we will not drag you to the jurisdictionless court of social media to seek relief. We will take you to a proper court of law with a proper judge that had five years of a law degree and one year of law school – that is if we want o.
So, my dear brethren, don’t worry about “protecting” the woman, we will be fine. Worry instead about protecting yourself, I nu?
Tenkiu.