He must marry me, he promised to, he must marry me!
I met John when I was rounding up my IT for SIWES, you know that one-year compulsory industrial attachment where we work before going for our HND.
He approached me and told me he would not like me as a girlfriend but as a wife. I know that is a common lie men use for girls, but I felt he was genuine. I felt that because he came to meet with my mum. You see, at that time, I lived with my mother and three sisters. So for him to come to our house and speak to my mother, for me, he meant what he said. Even my mother was quite impressed with him.
And again, John was an assistant pastor at one church, though I never visited the church but along the line, I got to find out he was also an assistant pastor. We are Catholics, my mother said I should not go to his church until he marries me.
So, you see, you can’t have a pastor come to your house, meet your mother, tell her he wants you as wife and think “Ha, maybe he is lying?”
I returned to the East to complete my HND.
Then John began to call me to come and spend some time with him in Lagos. He said he would send me money for my bus ticket to come. Then he sent me money and he told me he didn’t want me to let my mother know because if we were to get married, there would be some things we needed to do for us to be married.
Let me say this, I was a virgin when John met me. Meaning that he was my first and to date, the only man I have ever slept with.
The first time I came to his place where he lived in the Lawanson area he wanted us to have sex.
I said I didn’t realise he would ask for sex as we were not yet married.
To tell you the truth, I was very innocent, I just thought we would kiss…no sex…
He was like, he didn’t believe I had never had sex before.
I told him then that I was a virgin.
He said he didn’t believe me. You know, I used to get that a lot from guys. They think because of the way I dress and the way I talk, they think I am an experienced person but I was a virgin, at 22 years and I was not ashamed or felt that something was wrong. I was just being careful not to fall for the wrong person.
But like I said, John had met my mum and introduced himself as someone who would marry me. Though my mum said she wanted me to finish school before marriage. For someone to go and meet your parent and say this thing, I felt he was genuine.
So the first time we did it. He then said he finally believed me. And so, he didn’t let me travel back after the weekend. He kept saying he didn’t have money for my transport back… ended up staying for two weeks…in Lagos and my mother did not know I was there. Whenever she called me, I would lie that I was in the hostel at school or in class or one thing…
After that time, John would send money for my transport fare…I would come to Lagos, I would stay in John’s house….
I never let my mother know I was in town, you know mothers, she would be worried I was staying in a man’s house, even though I thought at that time he was going to marry me.
Then I got pregnant and he told me that I couldn’t keep the pregnancy because he was a pastor and he had not done the proper thing in terms of marriage with me. I begged him that I was afraid of removing it but he told me not to worry and that he would give me money, I should go get rid of the pregnancy.
That day, I cried. I wanted to tell my mother but he said I shouldn’t. He said, so, when we got married, I would be going to my mother for every little thing. So, I collected the money and through a friend of mine at school, we got a nurse to help me with removing the pregnancy.
Throughout that semester, I didn’t go to John, instead, during holidays, I just went to my mother.
I wanted to tell my mother but I was afraid.
You know, the poor woman was struggling with taking care of me and my siblings and I knew it would just destroy her if she found out. So, I kept quiet.
John would come and visit me and my mother would give him food…she thought he was sincere in his desire to marry me.
He would also bring things for my mother and at this time, I didn’t even think we would have issues. I was still like, John is my husband, what happened was a mistake…you know?
In my final year at HND, I think I came twice to Lagos without my mother knowing…I got pregnant again. I just noticed I was feeling sick…like the last time. I knew immediately I was pregnant again.
I was so afraid to tell John because of how he reacted the last time.
Finally, I sent him a text message, I said I think I am pregnant, again, o. I said, since I am almost done with school, I can keep it and we will get married.
Immediately, he called me back and told me I must remove the pregnancy.
He said as a pastor, he couldn’t be seen to be marrying someone who was already pregnant. He said if I truly wanted to marry him, I would listen to him and remove the pregnancy.
I cried and begged him that I was afraid to remove this one but he gave me a condition, if I do not remove it, he would never marry me!
So, who will be responsible for this pregnancy?
He sent me money to remove it but I delayed…I was hoping that he would change his mind.
Every day I would send him WhatsApp messages begging him to reconsider. He blocked me on WhatsApp after a while. He blocked me on the phone when I began to call him, everyday to beg him.
Even at this time, I thought that once he agreed for me to keep the pregnancy, then I would tell my mother.
I knew she would be disappointed in me but at least, she would know.
John refused to let me keep the pregnancy.
That was when it entered my head that this man was evil.
Immediately after my papers, I went again to remove the pregnancy and I think that’s where the trouble came from.
The nurse who removed it said I left it too late. She didn’t want to do it but I was crying and begging her. I told her that I was done with John because I could see he was just deceiving me. I wanted to be rid of the pregnancy so that I would have nothing to do with him ever again.
It was a horrible time for me because I was so sick, I lost a lot of blood and it was only God that saved me. But that was not all.
You see, I began to smell…as in yes, I had horrible stomach cramps, I was vomiting and losing so much blood but there was this odour…
Unfortunately for me, what this meant was that there was a lot of damage done inside of me at that time. I managed to travel to Lagos before I died like a rat in my room at school. When I got to Lagos, I told my mother everything. I told her about the first one, why I decided to remove the second one and that I didn’t want to have anything to do with John ever again.
My mother was crying. She said I should have told her. But she then took me to a private hospital where they performed another surgery to evacuate my womb because you see, there were pieces of the foetus left in my womb. The doctor said that it was poisoning my blood at that time. If I hadn’t returned to Lagos when I did, I would have died.
My mother went to confront John and he denied everything!
As in, he said he was not responsible for my first and second pregnancy. He lied and lied and lied!
I was in the hospital at that period and not once did John visit me at the hospital!
Well. I recovered but was told my womb was damaged. One thing one thing, I don’t even know…bottom line, I may be able to have children again. I sent a message to John through a friend, thinking if he heard this, he would at least come and see me.
He did not!
You know, it took a long time for this to enter my head.
I will not get married and have children because of one man who did this to me.
I recovered but my heart was bitter for a long, long time. I thank God for my mother…ha, that woman, may she live long so I can take care of her!
Then one day, one of the people who knew me with John sent me a message. She said that she was surprised John was not marrying me. You see, she found out he was getting married and when that friend asked about me, John told her I was not wife material.
I cried that day and that was when I decided I would go to his church and disgrace him and his wife-to-be. But my mother kept saying I should leave him to God…leave him to God…
Ha, no! I will not, he ruined my life, I will ruin his 0000yown0000000000000000, too!
(Series written and edited by Peju Akande and based on true stories)