My story began years back; in 1997 when I went to meet my husband in the UK. Before then, he had come to Nigeria one Christmas time, we met, he told me he was interested in marrying me. I also was looking for a way out of Nigeria, so two jam two, equal 4.
We did the formal introduction of wine carrying but no court; he said we would do court wedding when I got to the UK
Two years later, I got a visa to travel to the UK, I went to live with him as his wife and we began to raise a family; a year later we went to court to formalize our union.
First born son came, second born a daughter and finally our last child, a boy in 2002…the good thing about the system is, our kids could go to school free but all the while, I was working and so was my husband who said he was doing business.
I said “said he was doing” because, I honestly wasn’t sure of what business he really was in. He traveled a lot, from the UK to China, to Malaysia, doing the business of buying and selling and he came to Nigeria a lot. I mostly assumed he was dealing with women things, textiles, bags etc because I saw a bit of these in the house and he told me he dealt in other things but never fully disclosed what these were.
I worked and went to school to become a nurse; I was determined to get my legal papers but I couldn’t do anything because my husband just kept putting off him information every time I wanted to fill out forms to submit to the Home office. Eventually, I did and got my permit and encouraged him to regularize his own as well.
Since I was the one bringing in the money, I made sure I let my husband know how we spent it’ our bills, food stuff…clothes for the kids once in a while…he didn’t provide for us in terms of upkeep but that’s ok, he said business was bad.
Anyway, some 8 years ago, he said he wanted us to come to Nigeria so that our children could meet his family. I thought it was a good idea, I hadn’t been to Nigeria in more than 16 years at that time. I was excited and myself and the children began to get ready for the visit which was in the summer of 2012. I took leave from work and promised to be back in three weeks.
We arrived in mid-June and stayed at my husband’s uncle’s place in Surulere. From there my family and his visited us, we went out with the kids to meet the rest of our families…we were meant to stay for three weeks, I ended up staying in Nigeria for 5 years!
So this is what happened!
After our three weeks, my husband came to me to say they couldn’t find my passport; that someone had stolen my passport from where his uncle kept them for us.
When we arrived, my husband took all our passports for keep, he said his uncle had a safe, so my children and I handed all our passports to him.
So imagine my shock when he said mine was the one missing; does a thief come into a safe, sees the rest of the passports and takes just one?
He said he suspected one of his cousins; we made enquires and my family was delayed for another two weeks. This was two weeks of us reporting that my passport had been stolen and with police involvement…since no one was found culpable and police kept demanding for money for further investigation, my husband said it was best he goes back to the UK with the children while I continued with the search for my passport.
He left with my children while I remained in Nigeria.
Now, every effort to get the Home Office to consider a lost passport proved abortive. It was as if some invisible forces were just against me. I was stuck in Nigeria…after almost 5 months of staying at my husband’s uncle’s place, I had to move in with my own people in Ajah side of Lagos. Before then, my husband had cut off all ties with me. As in, he stopped picking my calls, of course that meant I couldn’t reach my children…
That was when I realized he may have had a hand in my passport being “stolen.”
How do you explain that you came with your wife to Nigeria, her passport supposedly got stolen, you went back to the UK with your children and cut off all ties with the wife who is stranded back at home?
My family insisted he was behind the whole “stolen passport” and so I was asked to come live with them while we found a way out for me.
So you ask me, ‘did we quarrel before then, while in the UK?’ I will ask you a question before answering, “Do couples not quarrel?”
“Do couples not have issues?”
We had our issues, one of which was that I wanted him to get his papers perfected so he could truly be legal…I had no idea that was the main problem with him.
He was jealous of the fact that I came in after him and got my papers… I was also working and earning good money.
Anyway.
I began to work in Lagos after almost 8 months of being stranded, it dawned on me that I may be in Nigeria for more time than I bargained for.
I was a qualified nurse and even though my certificate wasn’t with me, I got a job through a referral and started in a private clinic…they started me at the lowest rung because they weren’t too sure of my qualifications, I had to prove I was truly qualified before they entrusted me with more responsibilities and care and of course pay.
I was very bitter, very sad that I couldn’t reach my children; sad at the betrayal by my husband. I reported the matter to his people and they told me that I was too proud.
And even when my people went to his uncle to help prevail against him to release my passport, the man said his hands were tied.
So I remained in Nigeria and lost hope!
I was depressed for years; imagine having more than 16 years wiped off!
But I told myself I had to fight for my life and my children’s.
So over the period of five years while I was in Nigeria, I began to piece together a few things, papers, certificates…and represented to the Home Office…
Finally, I got a new passport to travel back to the UK!
I didn’t tell my husband nor let his people in Nigeria know I had got new papers for travel.
I went straight to Peckham where we lived…he was still there!
The moment I got into the flat, he was just staring at me like he had seen a ghost!
Human beings are wicked!
But he recovered quickly! He said he hoped I had learned my lesson!
So leaving me behind in Nigeria for 5 years was to teach me a lesson? On what?
I was determined there would be no fighting, no noise…
I told him I just wanted to see my children…who he had told I had died while in Nigeria!
This information floored me…what have I done to deserve this hatred from this man?
Two of my kids were home, the two younger ones. We hugged and kissed and cried…
Afterwards, I knew I couldn’t sleep in that house, he could kill me or something worse, so I went in and picked my stuff and went to stay with a friend, telling my children to tell their elder brother I was alive and back to the UK.
I began to job hunt and wasn’t long I got another job…I wasn’t taken back at my old place because I left without word after the few weeks they gave me and I hadn’t really practiced like that in the UK in 5 years, so they couldn’t immediately take me back even though they were sympathetic to the story I told them.
I started from ground zero again and began to plod my way up. I wanted to have enough money to rent so I applied for a loan. I was turned down because they said my surname, that is my husband’s name had been marked as having a criminal record against it! So I couldn’t use it to get a house, loan, virtually every time I used the name in any government thing, they would flag it and refuse me!
Even though I had planned to divorce when I got back to the UK, the fact that his name was a snare just made me decide faster.
Our divorce has just been finalized. I am grateful there was no bloodshed or lives lost but I am a new human being and I hope I will get over this betrayal!
(Series written and edited by Peju Akande and based on true stories)