Tara's Diary

Hear o, my brothers and sisters, you can’t ‘by-force’ love! – Tara Aisida

Comments (1)
  1. Olusoji Wey says:

    Another thought provoking piece, Tara. My thoughts? a vast majority of people who claim to be in love, have a warped view of what love is supposed to be. As a striving Christian, the ideal in Corinthians 13 is the hallmark for true love. What many of us deem to be love is informed by some of those considerations you mention in your article, “Marriage is not a visa to heaven”. When those transient things like, “looks, dress sense, comportment and benefits like security, good family background, social connections, good sex, etc.” disappear, we are at odds how to deal with the resulting lack. So, we “fall out of love” and seek those things elsewhere, without which, for many people, love does not exist.

    The polar opposite is where some people, sometimes in the face of abuse (physical and emotional), feel that they cannot leave that relationship because they “love” the perpetrator. I think what they “love”, again, is what that relationship gives them, which to them is more important than the pain of abuse. Such things as social affirmation, financial security and yes…good sex, may compel some people to remain “in love”.

    At the end of the day, when what we have with that other person “is patient, kind, does not envy or boast, is not proud or dishonours that other…when what we feel is not self-seeking, or easily angered, when it keeps no record of wrongs…that is when we arrive at the nivana of true love. Thing is, both parties have to buy in into the concept and, unfortunately, complementarity is not always there. And, therein, lies the problem.

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