Having the right conversations at the right time can help you find love despite your debt.
If there’s anything that today’s abundance of dating sites and apps have taught us, it’s that there’s someone out there for everyone. Whatever your sexual orientation, nationality, profession, religion, size, hobbies or relationship status, someone is into it ― and they’re looking for it.
Your financial status might be a different story. You’d be hard-pressed to find someone who’s out there looking for a partner with tons of debt, even though most of us have at least some…
Here’s how to deal with debt while dating.
Although some people consider any and all debt a relationship dealbreaker, you will find that many are willing to accept it. It’s all about how you present your situation. Here’s some advice:
Start the money conversation early.
Relationship advice expert April Masini said it’s perfectly appropriate to talk money on the first date. “You don’t have to exchange FICO scores before the first kiss, but do talk about where you each live, your rent, your mortgage payments, your careers and what’s on your bucket list for travel, future, etc.”
Having these types of conversations right away can help you and your date figure out if your lifestyles and aspirations align, and if it’s worth seeing each other again. And you don’t have to be blunt about it.
“You can easily compliment a date and find out about his or her finances by saying something like … ‘I love the neighborhood you live in, is the rent really high there?’” said Masini.
Once your date has opened up about their financial situation, you can feel more comfortable sharing some of the details of yours.
Talk about debt specifically.
If your first couple of dates go well and it seems like you two are on the same page when it comes to money, it’s time to dig into the specifics. It’s important to not only get a feel for your date’s debt tolerance but find out what their situation is, too.
“It’s uncomfortable, but you need to get used to it,” said Masini. In fact, she said talking about debt is just as important as discussing sexually transmitted diseases and birth control with a potential romantic partner.
“This should be a cakewalk compared to those topics,” she said, suggesting you ask relatively innocuous questions such as “Do you have a lot of debt from student loans?” to get the conversation flowing.
Disclose your number.
No, we’re not talking about that number. If you see the possibility of a future with the person you’re dating, it’s a good idea to disclose exactly how much debt you have to each other before things get too serious.
“It’s unfair to waste your time or your partner’s time if you’ve got dealbreaker debt and they don’t,” said Masini. “On the other hand, someone without debt may appreciate your candor in disclosing it. They may overlook the debt because of the circumstances and your wanting to pay it down.”
That’s why it’s important to be honest about not just how much debt you have, but what steps you’re taking to deal with it. Acknowledge what decisions led to accumulating the debt and what your plan is for paying it down. Knowing that you have a plan in place will be a lot more reassuring to romantic partners. Read more