I am not trying to prove anything by saying I beat a man; I am just saying if he repeats the nonsense he did to my friend another time, I will beat him again!
Let me start from where you will understand.
When I came to live here, I met Risi at the petrol station where I worked; I was having accommodation problems at that time and she invited me to live with her but that I would pay my own share. It is just one room in Ijora Badia side. So, I agreed. How much is rent? We pay N1.500 every week plus light and water.
The landlord, abi na caretaker, lived 2 houses down the street. He comes to collect his money from everybody every Friday and he never fixes anything in the house.
Ok, so you see Risi now. She’s a good person. She is one of those girls that can’t make up her mind on time about people. She was already going out with Mutiu before I met her. This Mutiu is a crook! He is proper jaguda! He beats her for coming back late, he beats her to collect her money from her, he beats her if the food she cooked is too salty or peppery. It’s the peppery one that made me laugh. How can a Yoruba man complain that a Yoruba woman gives him peppery food?
Anyway, the one that concerns me is when he began to beat her for not giving him money. And you know the bad part of this thing is that, other tenants will see him beating her, everybody will just carry their bucket and go into their rooms!
Nobody will say, “It is too much, leave this girl alone, stop beating her…”nobody says anything.
This thing happened three times in my presence; the first time it happened, the thing shocked me; he wiped her face gbosa with one heavy slap. Sake of what?
Say she didn’t come back home on time, that me, her roommate came back before her!
I said, shuo! “The girl went to the market to buy something to cook for you morafxkar!”
He told me to mind my business because he would beat me too. Na so I quiet. I watched, hoping some of the other male tenants would intervene. Nothing o!
Second time, I can’t even remember what he said she did, this gbana smoking morafxkar dragged Risi and removed her wig and threw it into the gutter! That wig is very expensive! He accused her of sleeping with other men…well sha, I told you, Risi is one kind, I know she sometimes sleeps with that idiot Supervisor because that one has been threatening to fire her. You know if he fires her, how will she send money to her mother who is taking care of her little son.
Risi has a boy of five years living with her mother, she said the father rejected the boy.
So you see the poor girl?
And if not for money wey yab her, Risi is a fine girl; big Yoruba yansh, bigger breasts and so tiny. That’s why that morafxkar boyfriend beats her easily. Me, I am as tall and muscular as he is…
As I was saying, Mutiu came that evening, he was drunk, he had drank this hot drinks from small plastic bottles, he said it is agbo…which kind agbo bi dat?
So that day, I can’t even remember what he said she did, he descended on this girl. And usually, when he comes like that, I would excuse them and go and stay outside, when they finish or when he leaves, I would go back into the room.
I just heard Risi, shouting, “…he wan ki me, help me o…” she was even calling my name.
Me that I’ve kept Mutiu in mind before. I had planned how to deal with him a long time ago, I was simply waiting for him to fall into my trap.
That day, I just unfolded myself from the stool I sat on and smiled, ‘this morafxkar has finally entered my trap.’
I had hidden one koboko behind the door and I had kept one iron fist that my brother gave me in Warri when I told him I closed late from the station and get home late at times.
I just kicked the door open and went straight to my Ghana must go bag. I brought out the fist, wore it and faced Mutiu.
I said, “Today, you don make mistake! So na woman you get power for, abi?”
The first jab on his face brought blood all over the room. I now began to punch him and kick him and…I beat this guy that day…my belle was sweet!
Risi just sat on the bed and was watching as Mutiu was crying like a girl!
As I punched and kicked him, he fought back but I grew up with brothers in Warri and lived in a compound where fight was common…that’s before I came to Lagos. I dodged his blows and because I am of the same height with him, he couldn’t even land any serious punch. After that, I picked my koboko and began to flog him!
He was shouting in Yoruba, “come and take this ashawo away before I kill her…”
The morafxkar has no shame!
No body came inside o, they stood at the door and watched African magic!
The iron fist I wore was tearing him to pieces and he was just bleeding, so I dropped it and continued with the koboko. Mutiu hear am that day.
Finally, he ran out, he pushed past neighbours mocking him. He was cursing me and threatening to come back.
I ran after him and said, “If you come back, Muitu, I swear, na your dead body dem go carry comot here!”
(Series written and edited by Peju Akande and based on true stories)