Last week, we talked about Lagos danfo drivers and conductors. Today, lets take a look at the people who complete the danfo ; the passengers. In the typical danfo buses, you will usually encounter five classes of passengers.
- The Nuisance: Those ones will enter danfo and be looking for who to make miserable. From talking loudly on the phone (sorry, dear, I’m still in Wakanda, I will send you the money once I arrive Nigeria), to eating (if someone hasn’t opened a food flask to eat eba and egusi beside you right in a danfo, you won’t appreciate the depth of God’s love for you), to the old mama giving you bad eye because you didn’t greet her immediately she entered. If you happen to be also chewing gum or carrying dreads or tattoos , she might just dash you one generational curse on top the bad eye.
- The Witches: Those ones are sent from hell fire to kill, to steal and destroy. The moment they enter bus, all hell will break loose. They will hear conductor say: “Ketu to Yaba is 200. Hold your change o,” but they will enter with 1000. They will now drop at Ojota, which is a 50 naira ride and start harassing the conductor for change. They will cause 2 hours holdup just because they want to form fighting for their rights. Most witches don’t need wings to fly, just give them eyelashes.
- The Original Owners of the Bus: Those ones will enter bus and start dragging seat with you. ‘Aunty, please shift,’ Mba, they will be sitting as if they bought shares in the bus. If you are a lepa, just know the world is not your home. The fat ones are the worst. Only you, you are filling a seat meant for 5 people. Aunty, where is your fear of God? So, we that are paying the same 150 naira to Ikeja should lap ourselves abi?
- The Intending Couple: Those ones are the unfortunate ones who don’t have change. The ones that cannot shout so they just sit there instead of asking the conductor if he wants to be unfortunate. They will now have the bad luck of getting down at the same bus stop and the conductor will throw a 500 naira note at them and solemnize the union with the words, “E lo wa change fun ara yin.”
- The Gossips: Those ones, you can swear the only reason they get on a bus is so they will have someone to harass with their stories. One minute, you are enjoying cool breeze on your face from your window seat, the next thing you are being regaled with a story about Iya Shukura the vendor that puts juju in her food to tie customers down. You are hearing about one man for area that impregnated his wife’s sister and denied it then fell ill with a strange swelling in his groin. Nkan Nbe people!