Most people in Lagos; man, woman, boy, girl, old and young like to touch people never mind even if those people are total strangers. It is a disease I call Touchinitis.
Touchinitis is a condition where a person cannot control the urge to touch another person especially those they do not know.
I was in church one day when the lady sitting by me reached out to another lady in front of us and began to adjust her bra strap. I was livid. Do you know her? Why are you touching another person like that? But it seemed like just a normal activity for both of them, what’s my own?
Soon enough it was my turn, the same bra strap ‘adjustment’ and it wasn’t even in the church. On my way to the office, a random woman reached out and tucked a bra strap in. I turned to shout but she had a sprinkling of grey hair. The part of my skin she touched felt alien till I got home and had a shower. I hate being touched by strangers.
But after that first event, it seems like I have been baptised into it. More bra straps adjustments have occurred.
What is it about bra straps that give women touchinitis? Is the bra strap hurting you? Can’t you tell the person to tuck it in without touching them?
My issue with touchinitis is another reason I hate markets. Yaba boys have no chill. They not only touch you, but some of them will also hold on to you and you’ll have to shake them off and all that wahala is just for ‘aunty come and buy correct jeans.’
People will bump into you and sweaty shoulders will graze yours. Kai. Thank God for long-sleeved clothes and sweaters.
People who want to ask for directions will find a way to touch you. A neighbour is answering your greeting, she’ll put a hand on your shoulder. Home training won’t let me shout.
I was on a bus one day when I noticed the trousers of the girl in front of me was riding low and exposing her thongs, before I could think of what to tell her, one overzealous woman reached over and pulled the trouser up, “children of nowadays, dress anyhow ehn, see how you open your body.” She was saying this while pulling the trousers up. The girl turned back, (I swear I saw fire flash in the eyes), she began to scream, “what is wrong with you, why are you touching me, can’t you tell me? Mind your business it’s my body”.
Ah! The woman was shocked.
Other people in the bus joined in, “ahn but she was correcting you, you don’t have respect.”
The girl served everyone who joined in their portion of the anger. I was just by my corner, grinning broadly, cheering her up in my head. In the end, the woman who started it apologised. “Sorry o, no vex.”
Yes! Justice in my books. So dear Lagosians, make an effort not to touch people you don’t know. Your head will not fall off.