Thankfully, the days when people mindlessly forwarded videos of children either being sexually exploited or engaging in sexual acts are almost over; people now have the good sense not to forward such.
Why? It simply perpetuates the crime of child abuse! I think those circulating such videos are perverts, what joy do they derive from sneaking behind children, filming them performing lewd acts and sending out to people?
When I was about five or six, I bet if technology had been advanced back then, perhaps, mine too would have been among the videos circulated.
What did I do? Bad things buy anyway, you judge for me by the time I finish my story, if indeed I was sexually exploited or I was a willing candidate for child pornography.
I grew up in a single parent household; my parents were divorced and my mum had to raise three of us single handedly; mum had to work and raising us was kind of hard because, we were mostly left on our own after school.
Though to be fair, my father also had us over when we were on holidays but the everyday affair was my mum’s and I being the first born, I grew up too quickly,
I became very independent; in the sense that I relied on my own instincts. If I wanted to do anything, I never consulted with my parents, I just did them. This is also perhaps the reason my mum and I do not agree, often, on many matters.
What I am about to tell you happened under my father’s watch. One of those days when we were with him for holidays; of course he too had to work and many times we were left under the watch of a cousin, who was in his late teens then or could be early 20s. This cousin lived with my dad and I think he was already in the university. Really, I am not quite sure what he was doing but understand that, he was meant to watch over my siblings who were toddlers and I.
Every time my father went out, this cousin would invite his girlfriend into his room and they would have sex all day; like without a care and we would be hearing the girlfriend moaning, screaming…and there we were; my siblings and I; in the next room, barely shielded from this scene on a daily basis.
My siblings being much younger would often fall asleep after getting tired of TV or whatever toy had been placed in front of them.
Now, my father also had a neighbor who had little children like us; I mean little as in my age mate, five or six, too. So whenever we heard my cousin’s girlfriend moaning, we would go and peep; we knew every move they made and this excited us; ok, let me speak for myself, it excited me. Was it because I was bored? Maybe or was it because I suddenly found myself able to do adult things? I really can’t tell, now.
Every day, it was the same scene for us; porn every day; you would think we would be repulsed by it, no, o. We were intrigued by it; I know I was. I know I also wanted to try it with my father’s neighbour’s son.
Soon enough, we began to practice what we saw my cousin do. I instigated this, by the way, I persuaded him to do it. So we would just play ‘aunty and uncle’ visiting one another and in seconds, he would be on top of me and we would be humping; we didn’t understand much of what we were doing but we would rub our genitals together and moan, you know, the whole works.
I can’t remember the number of times we did this; we being kids, weren’t even careful as to who may be watching us; I bet a few adults saw us, I am very sure of it; I am sure my cousin saw us and didn’t say anything. They must have concluded we were just bad kids
So that is the crux of my story; here I was, a girl of barely 6 years, exposed to adults having sex constantly and wanting to do same. Was I weird? Maybe, I have no answers but now I put myself in the shoes of the children whose videos are being circulated today; the adults around them are responsible, they should be held accountable!
What if, back then, someone had videoed us; of course, I being the one who was more eager in this sex play would have been solicited and I would have done whatever was asked of me; not out of fear, more out of excitement at being asked by an adult to do something I knew my parents would disapprove of. So when you view images of children role playing at sex, often times, they know not what they are doing, I could easily have been one of these kids!
I was six!
I knew nothing and yet, that phase of my life continues to haunt me every time this crosses my mind, I actually shudder at what my life would have turned out if some pedophile had seen me and had begun to use me, I would have been a willing horse!
Would it have been child abuse? Who was abusing me?
Was it because my parents were divorced? If that is so, what of my father’s neighbour’s son who was equally exposed? Why blame my parents, anyway?
The key thing is my cousin, he was meant to watch us and yet…
I often asked myself, why didn’t I tell my parents? Why didn’t I report? I don’t know, they may not have believed me besides, really, did I even know the gravity of what I was being exposed to.
To date, I have never breathed a word to my parents about it, never!
(Series written and edited by Peju Akande and based on true stories)