So, the publisher of thisislagos kept calling all of last week and I kept avoiding his calls.
Then the texts started coming: “Bro, your piece is late. No sexcapades this week?”
I ignored them.
Why?
Because I don’t write fiction. Everything you read here comes from a place of experience. I experience and I write but with ebola in the air again, man has learnt to keep his whatchamacallit tight in the scabbard if you get my drift.
So, what do I have to tell you this week. Well, sad as it may sound, I have not kissed or shagged anyone these past two weeks and if you are wondering why it’s because ebola is spread through bodily fluid like saliva and semen and you know, when I do what I do, those fluids are exchanged, Capisce?
So, I have decided to keep my sword in its scabbard. No chooking.
But because I already lost one week’s wage I am going to tell you two old stories, how I got my name, Bushushu and how I lost my you know.
I was in form 3 when I went to boarding school. And back then in boarding school we had our baths in this long open, dirty excuse for a bathroom.
So, I walked into the bathroom on my first morning. Set my bucket down and untied my towel.
“O boy, see bushu,” the guy next to me screamed pointing at my pubic hair which, when I come to think about it now, was a luxuriant shrub.
“O boy, wetin you dey carry all dat bushu do?
And so the name stuck. Everyone called me Bushu and in time another ‘shu’ was added to it and it became Bushushu.
Do I still carry that luxuriant shrub around? You’ve got to ask your sister.
And that brings me to losing my virginity.
Of course she was older and she was my friend’s auntie. Yes sir. Ask many guys who will be honest and they will tell you they lost their virginity to an older relation, a house help or even teacher.
Anyway, I was spending the weekend at a friend’s house so we could attend another friend’s birthday party together. That morning, after breakfast we had decided to play football in the compound and I had ended up stubbing my toe so badly the nail on my big toe came off. That meant no party because there was no way I could go to that party wearing a pair of slippers.
So, while they went off I was stuck at home with his young auntie, home on holiday from the University of Nigeria, Nsukka.
I was 15 years old and in form 4 but I already knew enough from movies and Playboy spreads about sex except for the fact that I had never done it and the only girl I tried to kiss at a literary and debating society event had left me with a mouth full of saliva.
Anyway, the moment my friend left, his auntie had come to join me in the room.
“Are you okay?” She asked as she settled beside me on the bed, her hand placed between my thighs, inches away from my crotch.
Her name was Auntie Adesua and she was pretty with big eyes and lovely lips. She had on a pair of shorts and man’s singlet and I could see side boobs.
My dick began to, as they say in Warri, PROVOKE as I tried to shift position. She noticed.
“Wait, let me make you comfortable,” she said then her hand brushed against my crotch.
She felt my stiff dick and looked down.
“How many years you say you be again?” she asked in pidgin as she looked at the bulge and then before I could answer she reached into my boxers and pulled out my dick.
“Osanobua” she cried as she took in my magnificent cock.
“Bushushu, you fit give woman belle o,” she said as she began to stroke it and then as I moaned she bent over and took me in her mouth. It was the sweetest thing ever, my dick in a woman’s mouth and a woman who knew what she was doing.
She sucked and stroked and then after what felt like an eternity but maybe no more than three minutes I felt myself spurting hot semen into her open mouth.
She was gone for a while but when she returned she had a bottle of coke on a tray and nothing else besides.
I had never seen real boobs before and Auntie Adesua had some lovely knockers.
She sat beside me and gave me the coke.
Then as I drank, she took off my shorts and then my shirt and by this time, even though it wasn’t quite five minutes since I just came my dick was at attention.
She took the cup from my hand and straddled me. She was wet and I slipped right in to her like hot knife through butter. I have had hundreds of women since Auntie Adesua but no one will ever taste as good as she was. She taught me everything I know.
Because I already came, I lasted over 30 minutes before I came the second time and we did everything from her on top to me on top, from doggy to her legs around my shoulders and as I write this I can still hear her sing-songy “Osanobua, Bushushu; Osanobua, Bushushu; Osanobua, Bushushu.”
