Sometime last year, yes, last year, I was approached by a young girl, one of those that come to buy things from my boutique. She said she knew someone who had been dating my husband and that the girl only just realised my husband was a married man and so dumped him because of that.
She also said that my husband had been begging her, saying I was a bad wife and that he was already planning to divorce me!
You opened your mouth?
That was how I was left mouth gaping when this girl gave me the gist.
No such thing, o. We are not divorced o, not planning to. To the best of my knowledge, that was a man talking through his third leg o.
What did I do?
I thanked the girl and told her to bring her friend to meet me at the shop; I promised I would not be angry or do her harm. In fact, I was laughing at the whole situation.
Why? My father was like that. He married five women and each time he deceived them into marriage; I loved the man till he died. Why? Ahh, he was a great dad but an awful husband, so this has given me perspective; never let any man kill you and never because of a philandering man kill yourself.
True, true, they both came to my shop one day, see the girl, hehn, she fine die! My husband has taste, yes o.
She told me when she found out my husband had a wife- me, and that we were not separated as he had been lying to her, she decided to dump him!
I begged her, ‘Ha sister don’t do like that to us, please!’
I told her not to. I told her I knew my husband was having an affair and I think I knew when she dumped him because he was always grumpy and difficult to manage.
So, I told her that I had given her permission to renew her relationships with my husband, so that the two of us can make money off him.
Abi?
Here’s what I considered; the girl is in a relationship with someone so much older than her because she needs maintenance, me, my shop needs new market, new stock, so we could make money from the same man.
I totally have nothing against him bringing her home sef, if he chooses to, wahala ti won ni yen! That’s their effing business!
Am I mad?
I have been told that I am; so yes, I have a bit of skoin-skoin!
The way I see things is this – if a man wants to wander, don’t try to stop him, the more you do, the more ways he finds.
Let him, he’s like the stubborn goat that wants to go eat the poisoned cocoa yam, the more you prevent it from going to those cocoa yams, the more determined it is to go eat, so let it go eat and shit for days on end. Let him!
I kept in touch with ‘our babe’ and she told me they had started going out again. As expected, my husband was a happy man again; he was always smiling muse muse at home.
Why am I not jealous?
See, I will never beat another woman because of a man!
It won’t happen, if I have issues, I will face my man!
See, this girl is like me; as in, this is the kind of thing I would have done at her age. She is a nut head like me. I won’t say we are chummy but she is someone I have taken as a younger sister, someone I could have been great friends with, if not for our unusual circumstance.
I told you my father was a man who married five women? I grew up in a polygamous house, I married a man who’s eyes cannot stay in their sockets but must roam the whole of Lagos. I have shops where, men come in and toast me too, so I know my husband’s behavior is not because I am not a fine woman. If I find the right person, who says I can’t be like him?
Forget that side!
But more to my point, I needed the girl to keep collecting money from him, so that we can be splitting it and that’s what we’ve been doing.
We’ve collected money to the tune of N2.7 million; some for business, some for getting herself a decent flat; my husband paid, not at once o, in three installments. You see men henh?
The business she wanted to do? She wanted to buy hair extensions, weaves and wigs to sell to campus girls. I helped her to jack it up; when my husband comes home to ask about it, he would be like, ‘My friend’s younger sister told him she needs so and so amount for wigs! Haba, is it true?’
I would confirm it, I would say, ‘Yes, o, some are even more expensive, the girl is pitying her brother by asking for small sums…”
Ehen, we can both lie!
He would send her the money. Meanwhile, when I say, I need so and so amount; he would say, take it from the money you make in your shop.
Shior! Who’s the loser?
We have kept our thing going; she said she doesn’t want to marry my husband, I couldn’t care less; I have just one child, he is 14 years old now and because his was a difficult birth, my husband and I decided we should not even try for another one. As far as I know, he hasn’t said he wants more children but even if he does, he should go and find them by himself!
You think I am cold hearted?
What of the man that lied to sleep with a girl? What of the man that would give girls money outside and neglect to give his own wife? Please take your morals and go!
And so what if he finds out?
We will deal with that problem when we get there!
(Series written and edited by Peju Akande and based on true stories)