See, I know I am a bad guy.
Yes, I am not saying I am good but some people, their own is to give you bad luck. If you are going your jeje way, their bad luck will just come and jam you and you will just be in big police wahala.
I know I am a pick pocket. My own is small, after all, I don’t waylay people on the road and I don’t use gun or knife. My own stealing is jelenke. I pick your wallet or phone, I go my way, you go your way, nobody sees blood. That’s my own style and I have been doing this for up to three years. And me, I can make up to N18k per day when I sell the phones at computer village. I have steady customers because market is good for stolen phones.
The day they caught me, my body was just telling me that something would go wrong and my body does not lie. I was just feeling as if something bad would happen and it did; may God help me listen more to what my body tells me.
On that day, because of the way I was feeling one kind, one kind, I had picked only two phones.
I usually operate around Ikeja under bridge and TBS, you know, where there are plenty of people, either they are waiting for bus or they are just looking at something happening.
You know people in Lagos are ‘Lukman’, they can lookilooki a lot; small accident- they have gathered to look; small fight- they will gather to look; small rain- they will be looking…so I know how to operate in those places.
That day, after I had taken the two phones, the only thing I wanted to do was cross the road to go and meet my guys at Computer village to say to them, ‘eyin boys, oja re, o. That is to say, boys, I have brought market.’
But like I said to you before, some people are just bad market, they will not let you do business. And that is how I saw this man, he was just walking like a jjc, like somebody who don’t know that we boys are in town. So, I wanted to teach him a lesson, that when you are in Lagos, you must shine your eyes.
I saw his phone, the shape of it in his trouser pocket, I already knew the type it is. As you see me so, I can look at you and tell you the kind of phone you’re carrying. From the shape of the phone, even if my eyes are closed, I can tell you the make of any phone under this heaven! I can know it, just by touching it.
See, phone is my business, stealing is my job, picking pocket is my hobby, so there’s nothing you can say to me about this business that I don’t know.
Although, I still have masters in this area, my big area fathers who taught me to pick pocket but me, too, I have become an expert.
If you must be a pick pocket, you can’t have pajapaja on your hands. Ewo ni! (taboo).
Pajapaja is shaky-shaky hands and me ke, ogbologbo, that is expert that I am, in all the three years that I have mastered pick pocketing, my hands never shook. It’s bad for business, ke.
Anyway, as I was saying, I picked the man’s phone. My fingers had already held the phone o, to now use style to put it in my pocket, that’s what was remaining, o…phone fell down from my hands and scatter yakata for ground!
Lo ba’tan!
My own finished that very moment! The suegbe owner looked back and saw his phone. Immediately, he saw that I had tried to steal it, he just shouted – ole, ole and held me by the neck.
My own finished that very moment! Te’ mi ba mi!
Lagosians are harsh, immediately all the lookilooki people at the bus stop descended on me, slapping and kicking me. I fell down and as they removed the remaining phones from my jeans pocket, I was still busy denying that I didn’t steal any phone.
Kai! My suster, I chopped beating that day!
But you see, when your body is telling you something, you should listen. As they were beating me, another man came and saw his phone that I had stolen earlier. He just shouted that I also stole his phone, too. I said its my phone o. He said okay, call this number. They called the number and the phone rang…haaa! See more beating.
By this time, Police had come and they were the ones that saved me from wicked Lagosians, otherwise, maybe I would have been blind by now.
They now arrested me and took me to the station. That’s why I am here o. I regret not listening to my body and I regret jamming that man with bad luck, some people just spoil market for other people.
Awon ota aje…enemies of profit!
(Series written and edited by Peju Akande and based on true stories)
photo credit