That Senator caught in a sex toy shop is a correct man!
Wait! Let me define it, clearly.
I am not in support of any man assaulting his wife or any woman for that matter. At all! I have always said, we men should pick people of our sizes if we feel like hitting someone, so in that respect, the senator does not get my accolades, what I was referring to is the part where he is said to be a regular at the adult toy shop.
He’s man mi, in that respect.
If you can’t make your woman happy, na you know, o.
You’re there making fun of the Senator caught in a sex toy shop, but do you know that such shops have made and almost broken many marriages and many relationships; depending on which side you are at.
Those into the trade of these toys are making serious money, in fact, I am looking toward doing something like that, their market dey sell well, well because we men, we want to please our ladies.
Let me tell you what happened to me in respect of that shop.
Myself and my missus have just been doing like old married couple, missionary all the time, unlike when we were a little younger; that time we would experiment with any style.
Don’t get me wrong o. We are still young. I am in my mid forties and my missus, who I call babe is a real nwanyioma! She’s just 37 years.
We will just do small and we will be tired and me, I am the type of person who doesn’t like looking outside. Because if you see my missus, my babe, she is still in the market.
My tomato juss, even after three children, she is still chewable. What is a man looking for when his udala oma is complete? And me, I don’t want any man to come servicing my generator when I have the key starter that is still in good working condition.
I think you get me?
As you see me so, I don’t womanize, o. What is a man going to look for outside except drink pepper soup and drink beer and come home to wack better food at night, I think you get me?
Don’t laugh.
But the thing is, we were not doing it well, even my babe was not happy with me. And when woman no dey happy, a man must get on top of the matter.
One day, me with my guyoyos, we were talking and they mentioned that you can get some toys to help you rise to the occasion. One of them is my close paddy, my main guy, he told me where the shop is, that he goes there to buy toys, you know we bobos, we like to help ourselves, you get me?
My guy took me to the shop, Nne mehn… there are things and there are things!
I saw all kinds of shapes and types of adult play things…you know, toys for games in the bedroom!
Toys that will make a man go mad and a woman go crazy! I didn’t buy anything that day, I just looked around, I asked them, what is this for? They told me. What is that for? They showed me flier; what of this one…hummn, people are doing things in this town!
For that sort of place, better you go with your babe, so she know what is coming to her.
I told my missus about it when I got home. I like the fact that my babe and I can talk about anything. If I am not performing well, she will tell me, if I performed spectacularly, my babe will give me three gbosas! That’s the way we are, me and my babe.
So, when I went to that shop, I said, ‘Baby’m, things are about to change for us in da oza room!’ We bought some things and that was how the game changed, for my babe and me, only, o.
We bought three items and began to use the toys; I will not tell you what we bought, let us just say the game changed with the toys.
Nne, henh…we were happy once again. I was always getting three gbosas from my babe. We were very happy. Whenever I travelled; she would use it to keep herself company until I got back. That is how it should be, is it not so?
At least, I was sure my woman was not cheating on me but there are many ways a woman can cheat o. Small time, my madam began to like the toys more than me.
Yes, o. babe was enjoying the thing more than she was enjoying with me. One time when I travelled, she went to the shop herself and bought some more toys, biko for what? Nwannem, for what? She was enjoying the thing too much. A man’s instrument must not be replaced by ordinary instrument, I think you understand me? When your babe is getting too attached to an instrument, you don’t know what to do?
Aunty use your tongue to count your teeth, don’t be asking me what I mean.
See, hehn, even when I come from my journeys, she will be asking me to use it, use this one, use that one, that is how the toys were replacing my man power, o!
I said, nne, these are just toys o. They can’t work without battery o. I am the battery to the toys, without me, there is no power, no action!
That is all I am going to say on the matter for now.
(Series written and edited by Peju Akande and based on true stories)