My people, juju dey Lagos o – Lucia Edafioka

This ol girl is no longer a corper- public service announcement. Do not corper wee me. Amen? Amen

One of the most interesting things that happened to me during my service year, happened in a danfo.

I was on my way to the local government in Opebi for my monthly clearance, that 19,800 was very important.  Unfortunately for me, I entered the wrongest bus that day, both driver and conductor had the foulest mouth ever. They were so rude to passengers, they passed people’s stops even when the person had started shouting o wa o wa before the bus stop, they insulted passengers who dared talk to them about their attitude. As they dropped passengers they picked up more.

Conductors will no longer run away with change.

One time when they stopped to pick up a passenger, an old woman, she had barely one leg on the bus when the bus driver sped up. It was a man sitting next to the door that held the elderly woman else she would have fallen off. This was the last straw for some of the passengers who had been quiet during the whole fiasco since I entered the bus. They began to cuss the driver and conductor, instead of the duo to acknowledge that they really messed up, they were replying the passengers and insulting them too.

One man on the bus who had been quiet all through said ‘o wa’ he wanted to get down, of course, they took him way past his bus stop before stopping, this is when the trouble started. He asked the driver, come what is wrong with you? Na you first smoke Igbo? You and this your conductor just they misbehave wetin dey worry you?

The bus driver replied in very fast Yoruba- sorry I don’t know what he said, the conductor added his part also in Yoruba, and the man, as a proper Nigerian said you no know who I be? I go make your life miserable. The conductor kept replying who you be? Wetin you fit do? Get down. You be person na you enter my bus? More Yoruba more Yoruba… during the whole back and forth, the man hit his chest and hit the bus too.

Brethren, that is how the bus engine went off. O, then he said, una no go work today, he got down and went his way. They tried to restart the bus, the driver revved the engine, but nothing happened. They tried to push the bus, nothing, It just moved forward a bit and rolled back to the same spot. We all came down, I took a keke NAPEP to the local government.  This was around 9/10 in the morning. On my way back home around 1/2pm the bus was still there on the same spot.

Magical moments in Lagos se? While something technical might have gone wrong with the bus, but why at that very moment this man ‘cursed’ them? Me I don’t feel sorry. I wished he had said they would not work for a week. It will teach them not to be unruly and rude to passengers.

P.S This is why you should not talk to strangers or let them touch you take anything from them in this Lagos! Don’t say I didn’t do anything for you guys.

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