My dear son, listen to your mother and your marriage will be happy and long.
Marry class, love will come, in time. My son, open your eyes, shine it in fact and look for a good woman with a good family background; one who is not just educated for the heck of it but one whose ambitions extend far beyond bearing you kids and cooking your meals. Son, look for a woman whose background will not hinder you from achieving great things. Don’t ever bring home the type with 15 younger siblings who are all waiting for their sister to marry a ‘rich man’s son’ to alleviate their poverty because you’ll end up training these rascals. Now, have you seen Dolapo, Yemi Osinbajo’s wife? Did you think he married her just for love, or for the fact that she has class; education, good breeding, poise? What of Michelle, Obama’s wife, you don’t think it was for the fact that she’s a woman who can hold her own? Onari, Donald Duke’s wife, nko? You think Donald spent his time and energy training her or her siblings? So Son, don’t give me a migraine by bringing home an undergraduate as wife. I won’t accept that liability already. Find a help meet not a liability! Marriage is more than having babies, It’s what else can you bring to the table; and this table that I’m matriarch over, won’t entertain free-loaders!
Be in charge by demonstrating quality leadership. In every marriage, there must be a leader; your wife must be able to see that from the get go. I’m not asking you to force it down her throat; I didn’t raise you to handle women like that. You must provide for your family, resist the ranks of the ne’er do nothings who abdicate their responsibilities to their wives. Never let your wife pay your children’s fees or house rent. However, if you for some reasons don’t have the money and she pays; let her know it’s a loan you are taking from her and return when you have it. Never take her support for granted with crass remarks like, ‘Shebi the children belong to both of us” or “We both live in this house together, so nothing spoil if you pay the rent…” I am not raising an idiot!
I’m your mother, not your Jehovah Jireh who can supply all your needs according to His riches in glory, so don’t expect me to be the one to provide everything you need in life. I am giving you a good education and teaching you basic financial skills. I’ve enrolled you in classes for entrepreneurship and will get support from a few friends, beyond that, you are on your own. You must chart your own course in life; pursue your dreams and with your God-given talent, make something great of yourself, you have to because I expect you to take care of me in my old age. Yes, send my allowance to my bank account every month (whether I need it or not) that is the seed I’ll need to keep praying for you every day. Even God Himself says you should honour me. I expect it!
Know God for yourself; that’s one sure secret to success, in marriage and in life, too. Start your day with Him as a family and celebrate the end of each day with Him, even if over a cup of cocoa. Forget the naysayers because when the chips are down, we all call on one name, God. Even when you think you’ve gone too far down the hill that He may never even hear you, call on Him, still. You’ll be surprised how fast He answers.
Get a woman who isn’t shy to experiment; and they are plenty out there. The woman you marry should be able to hold her own in the boardroom, the kitchen and the bedroom. The bedroom? Oh yes, but let’s talk about that when you turn 21.
Your mother.
I absolutely love this post. I will adapt it into a letter to my son. I have touched on some of these with him but writing it down will emphasise it further and I hope, drive the message home. Thank you Peju
Thanks Peju for this… It’s an Eye-opener tho she didn’t wait to give me something like this cos I i lost her to death but you have. It’s a nice one and I permit me to dub this into my notepad for everyday reference.