My wife has been dead for more than one year now and I will say she overworked herself to death.
I regret that while she was alive, I was a beast. I never paid much attention to her and so was selfish and was too wrapped up in my own life. You see, I considered her a strong woman who didn’t need me in her life apart from procreation.
You see, my wife never let me see where I fit into her life.
She was the mother and father to our children, we have three boys. She was the driver, the nurse, the school administrator, the janitor, the cook, the banker, the carpenter and the plumber. Yes, my wife is such that if we needed plumbing or carpentry work done in the house, she would google and get all the materials and call workmen in. Once she watches them working, the next time we have a fault that needs fixing, my wife would not call anyone, she would fix the thing herself. She has a work tool!
In fact, I should add she is a mechanic. Would you believe she knows how to change plugs, drain oil, and restart our generator if it stops working?
As for the home, though she has a househelp, my wife would insist on bathing the boys…until they stopped her from coming into the bathroom to bathe them…they had become big boys and didn’t want mummy seeing them naked.
My wife drives them to school and back…she runs her own business…
She died suddenly
She was doing all of these and we didn’t know she had type 2 diabetes and a stroke that would kill her instantly.
The woman was amazing…so you see, she covered virtually all the areas of our lives without missing me in any way…so I too kept to myself. I went out to see friends, had a few flings…but always came home knowing my wife would be too exhausted to even notice if I touched her.
To be honest, the way I found my wife most evenings just wasn’t enticing enough for me to touch her. She would have fallen asleep exhausted from one chore or another.
She was in her office one day when she just slumped and died.
My wife had no sickness I was aware of. I was informed she slumped at work. They rushed her to the nearest hospital. She was pronounced dead on arrival.
I was shocked. So shocked couldn’t even cry…I didn’t for months.
Shocked in fact, I demanded for an autopsy. That’s how we found out about her type 2 diabetes and the stroke that killed her. I still can’t believe it!
We buried her one month after. I didn’t want her to stay too long at the morgue. She was 47 years old when she died.
I knew I had to be there for my boys who were 14, 12 and 9 years old at that time.
We will miss her
Well, my boys miss their mum, I am sure but kids have coping skills that we adults do not have. It was surprising to me that I was the one who now began to miss my wife. It was as if my entire world had crumbled. I just couldn’t get anything done in the house without asking, “Where did your mother put this…?”
“How does your mother do this?”
“What did your mother say when you needed to do so and so?”
After five months, I finally wept for my wife. I wept for the woman I let go of simply because she was more than the woman I expected. I knew I could have done a little bit more to help around the house even if she did most of all the man chores and woman chores.
That day, I wept so hard I fell into a deep sleep…then my wife visited me in my dream. Before then, I never saw her in my dreams. I felt too detached from her even in death, too busy trying to know my boys and how to raise them alone.
And here’s the thing, barely two months after my wife died, I had friends and family introducing women to me. As a man, they said, “Who will help you raise your children?”
“Who will cook for you and take care of you?”
“You have to start looking, after all, your wife will not come back”
Was I was surprised? I won’t even say I didn’t show any interest in the women that were introduced to me. I’ll say I was just too busy trying to help my kids sort themselves out with their mother’s recently passed.
Anyway, five months after, I broke down in tears and slept. I saw my wife in a dream for the very first time. In the dream, she looked beautiful,. My wife looked lovely and calm, I was attracted to her again. I hugged her and asked her why she left me so suddenly. She told me she left because I didn’t value or love her again. I told her that I did and that I loved her and missed her. In that dream, we made love like we had never done before.
And that was the beginning…it didn’t happen every day but yes, she came and we made love every time and by the time, I wake up every morning, it’s either I have an erection or a wet bed.
I know this is strange…
In fact, I couldn’t even talk about it for a long time. You must understand that I didn’t feel in any way that I was being jinxed. Neither do I feel possessed by some demon or any such thing, no. I put it to me trying to make up to a wife I neglected while she was alive.
My life hasn’t been in any way affected negatively, so I won’t succumb to scaremongers who will suggest anything untoward. I enjoy the dream and the lovemaking.
Though she doesn’t come as often to me in my dream…I still long for her to come. No, I am not interested in any woman for now. I have had a few flings and none of them excited me. I will just take my time and no, I am not afraid.
(Series written and edited by Peju Akande and based on true stories)