Thoughts on raising children in this day and age
Sometime this year, news got out that some elite private secondary school students, who had gone to Dubai to attend the World School Games, had been involved in a sex scandal. A young girl had allegedly been raped by four of her classmates and a video of her mother appealing for justice went viral, Soon after this, another video recording quickly surfaced online showing the girl and a boy in a sexual position while some other boys watched. The tempo of comments quickly switched gears as people started forming opinions about the girl’s upbringing. Some even went as far as scrutinising her social media profiles and concluding that she had always been a wayward child.
One thing that kept coming to mind as the news unfolded was the role of parents and adults in bringing up children. How have things changed in recent times? Is parenting still done the same way as out parents used to? If not, what has changed? I know many parents would have heard this story, and wondered what their children were getting up to outside of adult supervision. Once upon a time, those fears and concerns would have been reserved for children in higher institutions, but now, even parents of primary school-aged children have had cause to reflect on their children’s behaviours outside of the home.
Children are God’s gift to humanity, and they represent the promise of the future. As long as children are born, we are assured of the future of the human race. We are dependent on children to survive, and in these parts, when we get old, we expect our children to take care of us. But how well are many parents and even the society prepared for bringing up children?
Anyone who has children or has had cause to raise them knows it is not for the fainthearted. A special level of patience and endurance is required to even provide for their basic social and emotional needs. From birth, they come with so many unspoken yet loud demands, screaming down the roof to communicate whatever is on their gradually forming minds. Whether they are hungry, thirsty, sleepy, poopy, or whatever, a cry will announce their need. They need constant attention, and the slightest distraction could find a child putting his hand somewhere he shouldn’t or attempting to eat something she shouldn’t be eating.
They come with an urgent need to explore their environment and fuel their curiosity. They ask questions ten to the dozen, never satisfied with whatever responses they get, quickly following up with many more questions. Many rarely think before attempting to take unimaginable risks.
And as they grow up and begin to explore the world, they become exposed to a wide range of influences: the media, neighbours, and schoolmates when they eventually go to either a creche or nursery school. Parental influence begins to compete with other role models, and the children who face constant values reinforcement at home may be more likely to continue along the path of their home training.
I think about how busy our lives have become in this fast-paced digital age. Many parents have been compelled to cede some of their parental duties to nannies, family members, and school authorities, and because of this, some parents may have lost the opportunity to bond properly with their children at their impressionable age. It is in situations like this that children could be exposed to adopting values inconsistent with their upbringing and getting into situations that will test their resolve. But how do parents respond to children who have been led astray?
Growing up, going against our parents’ values was akin to welcoming the end of the world. When kids did what their parents considered to be wrong, they got a range of responses from verbal feedback to beatings and in the worst case, banishment from home. These days, many parents tend to protect their children from facing the outcomes of their misdeeds. This sheltering has, unfortunately, not helped as they do not learn to take responsibility for their actions. In both situations, many parents often lose the opportunity to reaffirm the values they expect their kids to abide by thus potentially leading them further down the wrong path. Parenting is indeed not an easy task.
But how many people are even prepared for having children? It is not like there is a school one can enrol in to prepare for parenthood, at least not in these parts as far as I recall. Many people are focused on not repeating what they consider to be their parent’s mistakes, and sadly, some have ended up raising entitled children who have been handed responsibilities, physical and emotional, far beyond their years.
If many are not properly prepared for life as daddies and mummies then the decision to have children should be well thought out, and people need to seek opportunities to prepare them for life as parents. In these parts, however, once one gets married, the next achievement must be at least one baby to open the floodgates for the remaining two to four others, God willing. Any couple who remotely suggests that they want to wait before having kids or they do not even plan to have any are quickly viewed with disdain: how dare they! No one, not even the parents of the new couple, wonders if they are emotionally prepared to raise children. It is just regarded as the natural next step to getting married.
As parents and adults, we need to be more deliberate about influencing the children around us. We need to exhibit the same attitudes and behaviours that we expect them to display as they learn not by heeding our commands but by watching our lifestyles. Truthfully, not all children will maintain the path that their parents have laid, but chances are higher, should they depart, that they can find their way home.
The world is busier than ever, but parents need to find the time to be there for their children as much as they can. Not just at school events but also at home. Parents need to dedicate time to interacting with their kids when they can be positively influenced rather than regret the opportunities lost. As always, this is the way I see things today.