Reflections on some controversial topics that we ought to discuss
What will people say? This is one of the most often expressed questions when we reflect on some topics and our view towards them. Those topics that people generally do not want to express a public opinion on but have no issues chatting about with the people they are most comfortable with.
We do not express our thoughts publicly on some of these topics because our view may very well be different from the generally accepted opinion, whether that opinion is based on fact or driven by herd mentality. Many will not discuss these things publicly because their views could either be too polarising, uncomfortable, or even incendiary.
You could probably come up with a very long list of topics, and so can I, but for this article, I will pick some random ones and just share some quick thoughts:
Polygamy: In many parts of Africa, polygamy has been practised for many centuries. It is recognised and accepted but nowadays, it seems like polygamy is reserved for traditional rulers and people who live in rural areas. Not many people who live in urban areas practice polygamy or appear to welcome it, at least not publicly. However, many of these people would probably welcome a second wife if they didn’t consider what people would say. Some women would also not mind being second wives. In Nigeria, our laws accommodate marrying more than one wife but one can only do so through customary marriage. Is polygamy a wrong practice or are we just toeing the beliefs of the Western world?
Sex Education: I haven’t met a lot of people who say they had a proper talk about sex from either of their parents or an authority figure. Many people had to discover sex on their own, either in their youth or even within marriage. Sex education is probably still taboo in many homes as parents cannot just bring themselves to speak about something so intimate with their kids. If any at all, the female child is more likely to receive some information about sex because once their menstrual cycle starts, the chances of pregnancy after sex increase. Because of this, many mothers use scare tactics to educate their daughters about sex. The male child on the other hand is highly unlikely to receive any advice and is thus left to his devices. Wouldn’t it be better if we had proper sex education taught at home and maybe at school or in houses of worship? Shouldn’t we be helping young people avoid the mistakes of the older generations?
Sexuality and Gender Identities: whether we like it or not, more people are redefining their sexuality, sexual preferences, and gender identity, even in our fairly conservative society. Once considered by many as something that happened only in the Western world, the issue of people identifying as anything other than male and female or heterosexual is becoming more widespread. Our exposure to foreign media brings us in contact with programming that promotes consciousness of sexuality and the need to self-identify. This doesn’t necessarily mean that the media is the sole influence that encourages people to go against the grain, rather it indicates that the media helps people find comfort in knowing that their beliefs are acceptable to other people. There’s always been the “it’s not in our culture” angle which some would say is debatable but with people becoming more aware, how long before it becomes part of our culture?
Assisted conception: a friend of mine, concerned that she was getting older and yet unmarried, decided that she wanted to have a child. She also wasn’t in a relationship so the chances of impregnation were nonexistent. She simply went to a sperm bank and went through the insemination process until she eventually conceived and had her baby. So this isn’t a case of a woman getting impregnated by a man but choosing to go through science to have a baby. If a woman has the means to care for a child but no man in sight, is there an issue with going through artificial insemination? At least, the sperm banks provide some basic information about the sperm donors. What about the family unit of father, mother, and children as we know it? Is there a danger of that changing? Should that even be considered a threat to watch out for?
Drug abuse: these days, it is not uncommon to find people smoking or inhaling questionable substances even in public places. Many of these controlled or illegal substances are freely used by people, some of whom would even be considered to be too respectable for such. Unfortunately, more young people are getting hooked on drugs early with the attendant risk of damaging their health. If it isn’t laced brownies, it’s colos or any other harmful substance. Drug abuse is an issue but what drives people to abuse drugs is a more important discussion to have.
Permissive parenting: instilling discipline in kids appears to be unfashionable these days. I am not talking about the parents of today declining to cane or beat their kids like the parents of yesterday did. No, I am talking about correcting children when they are badly behaved, teaching them about delay, denial, and instant gratification, and generally checking their bad behaviour. Many children have become spoiled because their parents refuse to address their misconduct and ultimately, society is left to bear the brunt of badly brought-up kids. When did correcting bad behaviour become equated with denying a child the right to self-assertion?
English VS local languages: how many children these days know how to speak a local language? From what I have seen, not so many. Parents prefer to speak in English to their kids and in indigenous languages to themselves. If children do not at least learn to speak a local language from home, how do we expect them to understand and maintain our indigenous cultures? If you think this is solely a white-collar problem, you would be mistaken as even semi-literate parents have been found to discourage their kids from speaking in local dialects.
Mental illness: we often confuse mental health (a state of mental well-being that enables people to cope with the issues of life) with mental illness (a condition which causes serious disorder in a person’s behaviour or thinking). Many people in our society suffer from mental illness but sadly, they do not get the care that they need because their families keep them away from society. Ashamed, confused, and blaming the illness on the devil, they lack the information and will to find proper care for the concerned family member. Fortunately, many people exist in society with mental illnesses who have been able to access proper medication that helps them manage their conditions. If you knew some of these people, would you still treat them the same way you treated them before?
These are just a few of the controversial topics in our society. As Africans, we often shy away from having tough conversations but we need to imbibe the habits of discussing issues. How else would we learn or even teach people if we do not hear as many perspectives on issues as possible? If you’re the type of person who doesn’t welcome dissent and questions, you may want to learn to be more open and find out how the rest of society views issues. We could all learn or teach a thing or two. This is the way I see things today.