Tiwa Savage’s sex tape: What goes on behind closed doors should stay there-Tara Aisida

I am sure by now most of us have heard about Tiwa Savage’s sex tape, some may even have watched it. The facts are simple, sometime last week, Tiwa informed the public that she was being blackmailed over a sex tape she had made with her current lover. Apparently, her lover “mistakenly” posted it on Snapchat and when he realized his mistake, he quickly deleted it but he was not fast enough as someone   had copied it as soon as it was posted and that person was threatening to circulate the video on social media.

As to be expected, there was a frenzy accompanying the news as camps soon formed both in support of or against Tiwa. Some claim that as a role model, her behavior has adversely affected the youth that follow her, some say that there is no blackmailer and that she broke the news as a publicity stunt to prepare the way for her latest album, for some it’s an opportunity to bash men who blackmail their partners as many wonder how it was mistakenly posted and yet for some others it’s an opportunity to preach against the decline in morals.

It is interesting to note however that Tiwa has not said that the recording of the sexual acts between her and her partner was done without her consent. The issue at hand here is that she is being blackmailed by a stranger over an act that was done with her consent. Her case is to be slightly differentiated from that of a person whose consent was not obtained before her sexual act was recorded and distributed.

So why do people record their sexual acts?

1. For some it’s a fetish. They enjoy seeing themselves doing the act and it awakens within them the longing to sleep with the same or other persons. I know of someone who had mirrors on the sides and ceiling of his bedroom because he liked to see himself making love to his partner. As someone has said watching one’s sexual act is like reliving the sensations of the physical act from a different point of view. It can be akin to a role play and gives a heightened sensation akin to that experienced when watching porn. 

• For some it’s a keep sake, they like to record moments that mean a lot to them and rather than shelve it in their memories they prefer to have a hard copy that they can look at from time to time just like we all do look at pictures and videos of places and events from our past.

• They use it to boast about their prowess in bed, this is especially true for men who always boast about their expertise or women who are eager to show off their bodies or their lovemaking skills.

• Couples use it to review their lovemaking in a bid to know what works or doesn’t work for each other and to deliberate on ways in which they can improve their skills in bed.  

• Some use it as a means to control their partner by threatening that they will leave the relationship if the partner doesn’t agree to the recording.

• Some use it for monetary gain to blackmail their partners especially when the affair goes sour.

It is a fact that in today’s world, many people do not hesitate to share nude pictures of themselves with members of the opposite sex. In fact, the practice is rife amongst teenagers and it is a thing of pride especially with girls if someone they are dating asks for their nudes as it is a testament as to how beautifully their bodies are crafted. I personally suspect that quite a number of people have recorded sexual acts between them and their partners and the reason why this trend is growing in spite of the risk that it may leak into the public arena is easy to see.

Firstly, most people tend to trust the person that they are with and do not expect them to publish their intimate moments. Secondly, most participants accede to the act because they wish to show or convince their partner that they love them and will be willing to do anything to satisfy them.

Finally, the risk is part of the fun, it adds some va va vum to the act itself  just like how making love in a public place with the likelihood of being seen or caught increases the pleasure for some people.

I understand the allure and excitement doing something kinky and out of the ordinary brings to a relationship especially where there is a lull in the bedroom and parties want to spice things up. It is, however, my personal opinion that sex tapes or sharing of ones nudes over an electronic device though tempting is a bad idea for the sole reason that it can get into the wrong hands through theft of the device or mistakenly as in Tiwa’s case or deliberately as in the case of an offended ex- lover. I also think that if people must record their sexual romps, their relationships should be of a more permanent nature and not where they are just dating with no intention of making the relationship permanent as parties may find themselves apart earlier than they thought or  the thin line between love and hate may fall squarely on the hate divide. It is my belief that in more permanent relationships parties will be loath to divulge such personal information even though the relationship comes to an end.

Finally, what’s a person to do if they found out that their partner has been secretly recording their trysts without their consent whether or not it resorts to blackmail? I always believe in confronting people, so confront and leave them, if their excuse pans out with you and you stay with them, keep up your guard as someone who does such a thing without your consent can’t be trusted and where they resort to blackmail, get the authorities involved and do what Tiwa did. Go public. Blackmail is a crime and a heinous offence; most times the blackmailer will back down as most blackmailers are cowards.

All in all, I am of the firm opinion that what people do behind closed doors is no one’s business and that they should do all they possibly can to ensure that their business remains behind the doors and not in the open and by the way Ladies!!! if you consent to a sex video please ensure your partner’s features are as distinct and as recognizable as yours are.