Top Stories with Uzoma

Lagosians don fall hand

The Lagos State Government has condemned the attacks on Shoprite Complexes at Jakande and Sangotedo Area of Ajah by some unidentified people claiming to be acting in retaliation against the attacks on Nigerians in South Africa.

According to a statement by the state’s Commissioner for Information & Strategy, Gbenga Omotoso, these attacks are condemned as they are against the Nigerian spirit of accommodation and benevolence that the country in general and Lagos State, in particular, is noted for.

“We appeal to our compatriots to eschew violence and any unlawful acts. The Lagos State Government wishes to reiterate its commitment to providing a conducive atmosphere where businesses are conducted without hindrances,” Omotoso said. “The security agencies have been directed to ensure that law and order prevail in all parts of the State, even as Lagosians are advised to go about their activities without any fear.”

Looting Lagosians, how una dey enjoy the clothes and TVs? These past days have been utterly shameful and saddening.

 

Naira Marley the inspirer

A 16-year-old, Gabriel Michael, who was arrested by the Gombe State Police Command for cyber fraud, has revealed that he took to crime from watching up-and-coming Nigerian musician, Naira Marley.

“I learnt hacking through tutorials on YouTube; for so many months I was at it. The lifestyle of a Nigerian musician, Naira Marley, the way he spends money influenced me. Marley talks about being a Yahoo boy (cyber fraudster). My addiction to computer started at the age of seven,” Michael said.

Though the police put his age at 18, Michael insisted he was 16 years old.

LOL. This one is a true Marlian. Na this kind gist dey give EFCC joy.

 

How much it costs to end shot-putting and other misdemeanours

The cost implication of making Nigeria open defecation-free by 2025 is estimated at N959bn according to the national roadmap to end the menace, the federal government announced on Tuesday. Minister of Water Resources, Suleiman Adamu, announced this at the first public lecture on ‘Stop Open Defecation’, organised by the Faculty of Engineering, University of Abuja.

He said, “The cost covers the hardware component of construction of household, institutional and public sanitation facilities, as well as the software component of mobilisation, advocacy and campaign. Households are expected to bear most of the cost, estimated at over N720bn.”

Adamu added, “The federal government is expected to make contribution of about N6bn annually from 2020 till 2025, which is to be sourced from budgetary allocations and development partners, who have shown keen interest and have been involved in shaping the Clean Nigeria Programme which will also leverage on donations, Corporate Social Responsibility funds, business promotions, etc.”

All this money to clear open shitting from our roads? Wow. Nigerians, una dey shit o.

 

Baby crossing: How not to steal a baby

A 43-year-old U.S. woman was arrested in the boarding area of an airport in the Philippines on Wednesday after hiding a baby boy inside her carry-on bag, Immigration officials said.

The suspect was to board her flight to the US when she failed to present the infant’s travel documents, a spokesman for the Bureau of Immigration, Melvin Mabulac, said.

The airline turned her over to airport authorities, who discovered that she had put the baby inside a bag strapped to her waist and only brought him out after passing through immigration. The suspect was turned over to the National Bureau of Investigation for questioning – they will now determine if it is a case of human trafficking.

Crazy stuff. The world never ceases to astound.

 

Sweet Mama

Grandmother Hattie Retroage is single so naturally, she has joined Tinder. The 83-year-old isn’t looking for grandfather type matches. She wants younger men. “Younger men, they get off on getting a woman off – very different from when I was younger,” Hattie explains.

A former dancer, Hattie was married for over 25 years and says she and her ex-husband had a ‘wonderful sex life.’ Missing the intimacy and embracing the casualness of modern dating, Hattie exclusively goes out with men many years her junior.

Hattie says that she is often referred to as a ‘cougar’ but is trying to reverse the negative preconceptions attached to the lifestyle. “Cougars, as I see them, are not beasts of prey, they are an exquisite animal,” she says. “I’m never on the prowl. I never approach a man; men always approach me.”

LOL. Mama the Mama, fire on biko. By the way, I’m looking for sugar mummy o. Though I don’t have any work experience, I’m open-minded and willing to learn on the job.

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