Top Stories with Uzoma

Ambode accused of offering the best answer: silence

The convener of the #EndSARS Movement Segun Awosanya has accused the outgoing governor of Lagos State of not being responsible. Awosanya called out Ambode for being silent over the extra-judicial killings of Lagosians by some of the state’s police officers.

“The irresponsibility is so loud,” Awosanya tweeted. “Citizens in your state are being decimated by your own police and you said nothing? If there be any shame in him he should have sent a representative,” he added.

Make una no disturb the man joor. He hasn’t been on that seat since you-know-who’s billboards and posters started to sprout. Y’all should direct your complaints to the new guy.

 

Atiku calls outside people for help

The presidential candidate of the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) in the last election, Atiku Abubakar, is set to call Microsoft, IBM and Oracle experts to authenticate his claim that the servers belonging to the Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) showed that he defeated President Muhammadu Buhari by over 1.6 million votes.

Atiku also identified the server where the results are kept as INEC_PRES_RSLT_SRV2019 and its unique Mac address as 94-57-A5-DC-64-B9 with Microsoft Product ID 00252-70000-0000-AA535.

However, INEC’s Director, Information and Communications Technology, Mr. Chidi Nwafor, has specifically denied the “server results” which the PDP and Atiku were laying claim to. He said all the results were collated manually and were never transmitted electronically.

LOL. Drama. This is Nigerian House of Commotion, sincere apologies to the late Amaka Igwe. The thrills and suspense keep unfolding. Make we continue to dey watch.

 

Trouble brewing for West African countries – Interpol

The International Police Secretary-General, Jurgen Stock, says criminal networks in narcotics, weapon and migrants’ smuggling were taking advantage of lack of information sharing system by security agencies in West Africa to carry out their activities unhindered. The Interpol chief warned that transitional criminal gangs were converging on the sub-region and feeding off one another.

Stock said this in Abuja on Tuesday during the signing of an agreement for the implementation of the West African Police Information System (WAPIS) by the Federal Government and Interpol.

“Information is the life blood of law enforcement and the WAPIS programme will help police on the ground across the region and the global police community to have access to the vital data they need,” Stock said.

Chai, that signing should have taken place in Lagos. At least that will give some people a day off from hunting and harassing laptop-carrying, dreadlocks-and-tattoo-spotting youth on the streets.

 

Oshiomhole: A curious case of closing doors

All Progressives Congress (APC) National Chairman, Mr. Adams Oshiomhole, has called the opposition party Peoples Democratic Party (PDP), the devil, which the APC would never share power with in the 9th National Assembly.

He insisted that the APC had a comfortable majority in both chambers of the National Assembly and could decide on the choice of presiding officers without depending on the PDP to succeed.

“In the days of PDP, every committee was chaired by PDP members,” he said. “We do not need to do business with the devil for us to survive in the ninth assembly. In the African family, we sit down in a closed door to address issues, the good news is that there is a role for everyone.”

If this Oga really said ‘we sit down in a closed door’ then I’m not surprised Naija is the way it is. There’s a higher level of witchcraft in operation.

 

Taiwanese presidential candidate and his Mammy Water Godfather

The billionaire founder of Taiwan’s electronics giant Foxconn, Terry Gou, has announced he will run for the country’s presidency, citing divine endorsement. He said sea goddess Mazu encouraged him to promote peace across the Taiwan Strait.

“Three days ago, Mazu came to me in a dream,” he said. “Mazu doesn’t want Taiwanese society to be so difficult. Mazu told me to come out and do something.”

He said the goddess had nurtured him from childhood. “I am Mazu’s godson. I want to do more for Taiwan’s people. I will definitely follow Mazu’s instructions.”

Lobatan. This one is government of Mazu, by Mazu, and for Mazu.

 

How to use your urine by Yoga enthusiast 

Forty-one-year-old yoga master, Sam Cohen, claims that he’s not had a cold in nearly 20 years because he fills his nostrils with his own pee every time he uses the loo.

He said: “It is not possible to get a cold when you constantly drink through the nose. You can feel under the weather but one drink up the nose and any clouds start to evaporate.”

Aside that, Sam claims snorting his own urine works wonders for his sex life. “The urine is just like an overall boost,” he said. “It will make you feel younger and make you have more hardness. It does actually make you last longer.”

Sam Cohen is currently single.

LOL. Of course, he should be single! There’s no way in hell any man or woman will want to be with this dude except, perhaps, what Simi said in ‘Love Don’t Care’ is true.

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