When the kpekus enter body…
While making love to his girlfriend, Sean Marsden, 48, slipped and fractured his penis. “He said his penis swelled to ‘the size of a wine bottle’ soon after and later discovered that as well as the fracture he tore his urethra.” Hmmm. Ogas out there, take this as a lesson not to die on top the matter. If Mr. Marsden had been reading his Bible like we good Nigerians I doubt that fall would have happened. Tueh. This world is not my home. Jesus, come and take the wheel and the whole car.
Awry day in Lagos
Hoodlums, numbering about 40, clutching daggers and machetes and riding on motorcycles attacked the campaign convoy of the Peoples Democratic Party governorship candidate in Lagos State, Mr Jimi Agbaje at Iba in Ojo, Lagos. The hoodlums only let up on their attack when security details fired tear gas at them. Ah, Lagos! Shey na like this we go dey dey? Village things on my mind biko. At least village people aren’t this vicious: they only come like mosquitoes at night to suck blood. Better people!
It’s a dog-eat-dog affair
Pro-Ambode supporters marching against Lagos State House of Assembly’s proposed impeachment proceedings against Ambode for alleged infractions in the 2019 appropriation bill have in turn asked the lawmakers to ‘account for N28 billion constituency allowances they collected between 2015 and 2018 or face mass action.’ Lobatan! Ambode and the Lagos State House of Assembly should just shake hands and sweep this under the carpet joor.
Sorry, Uncle Sarri
After enduring a crushing 4- nil defeat to Bournemouth yesterday, Chelsea’s manager Maurizio Sarri has said perhaps the team’s underwhelming performances are largely due to his inability to motivate them. “I think the players are good enough… it (the team) is also able to win without the coach.” Ouch. Shebi last time I said Chelsea players have Ph.D. in getting coaches sacked? Looks like Sarri would soon be another feather in their cap.