When I met my husband, I didn’t know I would end up having a constant threesome.
I’ll tell you my story.
So, I met my husband when I was almost 38 years old. You know at that age, your parents are just looking for who will take you off their hands.
Whoever you bring home, they will accept.
Then I met Chief. He was not your old man with pot belly. He was a young man, 35 years old at that time and was divorced with two children already.
When I introduced him to my parents, they were glad for me. As far as they were concerned, I would finally be made a woman and they could be rest assured they had done their job as my parents.
Chief told me from the get-go that he was divorced.
He told me his wife was a troublesome woman whom his parents had warned him against but he went ahead and seven years after, he sent her away.
I believed the story.
What was there not to believe? I had gone to his house. I had met his two young children who I was told were being cared for by his sister. I met the sister by the way.
I also met Chief’s parents. They welcomed me. They told me that they were glad Chief had found a new woman. They said the first wife was a real troublemaker and hoped I would not trouble their son.
So I knew I was going to inherit two young children and at that stage, too, I wanted to have, even if it was one child of my own. I didn’t want to go into the marriage being a nanny to the chief’s children.
How did I meet Chief? Because you see, everything is kind of important to my story.
I was secretary to a director General of an agency. I won’t mention names, just so I remain anonymous. So Chief was one of those contractors we used. He would tip me to move his files for contracts. You know, that’s how I became involved with him.
I also do contracts too, sometimes my boss would push some contracts to me as a favour and I would resell them to other contractors…that’s how we make money as civil servants. And I made good money, too.
Anyway, two years into our relationship, I became pregnant. At this time, I had introduced Chief to my family, he was also known to many of my colleagues as the man I was looking to get married to.
And at that age, I too wanted to be called Mrs. Somebody and be a mother to somebody and I knew I was not going to marry anyone who was not already married or had children somewhere…I mean, how can I?
Plus the fact that when I got pregnant, I was almost clocking 40, so that was the cue for me to insist that the chief must go to my parents to do the necessary rites for a wedding. I knew I would not do a church wedding because of the chief’s previous marriage.
Now, Chief began to claim he didn’t have money for a wedding. He said I should borrow him the money that he would repay me.
I felt that, well, the wedding is for me, so, why not?
So I sponsored virtually everything for the wedding.
I bought the rings, our uniform aso oke that we would wear for the traditional ceremony, I paid for the hall, the music, catering, the cake…every time we had to buy something or pay for something, the chief would say, “ oya, spend this money, now…”
At every turn, Chief would call me or send me a text message, “B, I just got a call from so and so…we need to buy yams and goat …bring money, o. Na you wan marry, o”.
it was as if I was marrying myself.
You know, it was as if I was the only one going into the marriage. But I had no choice, I had money, and the event was for me, plus Chief had said he would refund me.
So, I would either transfer to the Chief or to the vendor responsible for whatever needed to be done.
We got married and it was a good big wedding. My parents prayed for me and sent me off to my husband’s house.
You know in our tradition, when a new wife gets to her husband’s house, the older wife or called Iya’le will wash the feet of the new one. They would call the iya’le, to receive the new wife at the gate of her husband’s house. The Iya’le would wash the feet of the new wife. It symbolises cleansing and ease of life for the new wife as she entered into her new home.
And sometimes, the Iya’les are wives of the men in the family, women who had been in the family before the new wife came in. So when my Iya’le came out of the compound with water, she just splashed them at my feet and went back inside. I assumed she was the wife of a brother or cousin…
I had never done this kind of thing before but I felt she was quite rude. She was meant to pour it gently, at least and lead me into the compound.
Anyway, I followed her and knelt before my husband’s family to be prayed for…that’s the tradition.
There was a small party going on in the compound…I was almost seven months pregnant and I wanted to rest. I asked my husband if I could be permitted to go into our room to get some rest. He said that I should wait, that we would go to bed together.
I did not realise that bed together meant, me, him and his first wife!
So, the Iya’le who welcomed me, was in reality Iya’le, my husband’s first wife!
Yes, o.
My husband’s first wife was still very much in his life! I had never met her before, so I did not know she was the one who came to pour water on my feet.
That night, all three of us slept in that bed and my stupid husband was rolling from one wife to the other… in the same bed!
You know, my wedding night!
Nobody warned me, nobody gave me any kind of hint, not that this woman who I had been told had left the house, is in our bed!
So what was I to do?
There were just two rooms in that house. One for my husband and one for his children, where his mother and sister also slept.
…where would I sleep?
Oh, I swear, I could not cry. I could not…I was in shock. And would I have said that I am not marrying again?
What would I have done? An almost 40-year-old woman, pregnant already…where would I go? With parents who were already glad I left home!
Look, when I confronted my…our husband about it, he said his wife begged him and he took her back and if I was not happy with the arrangement, he was ok for me to leave!
I mean, what the hell is happening here?
Why did I have to share my wedding night with his first wife?
Why did he not tell me his wife was back?
Why did no one warn me?
My mother-in-law said to me when I complained to her, “You knew your husband was married, why did you agree to come here?”
I said, Mama, you told me you were glad the woman had left…she did not even let me finish…she pointed to the door, “You can go if this does not work for you, you can go and rent your place, sebi you have money.”
I was being taunted because of the money I was supposedly thought to have! I mean, yes, I had some money but after the wedding, it was severely depleted and months after I asked my…our husband for it, he said. “where do you want me to get that? You spent money on yourself and you are asking me to give you back?”
So, no money, again.
Look, I had no choice. I had to live like this even after I gave birth. My mother-in-law took over my baby in her room so I would get up to go feed him…
I was very bitter but what would I have done?
After the birth of my child, my husband was having sex with me and his wife every night on that bed…you know, there are some things you couldn’t be telling others about. This was one of them…for a long time.
When I think about it now…I am truly disgusted!
You know what?
After about a few years, you know, I made money again, like I told you, my boss would pass a few contracts to me, I would do it, I won’t even let our husband know because when I discovered the kind of person he was…I became wise.
After three years, I had to move out to rent a room and parlour for myself and my children.
–Series compiled and edited by Peju Akande and based on true stories