Will you keep quiet — Gbubemi Atimomo

Musings on the average Nigerian’s affinity for noise

If there is one book I recommend for all Nigerians or people seeking to understand Nigerians, it is Peter Enahoro’s How to be a Nigerian. First published in 1966 and republished several times, the book offers a satirical take on what it means to be a Nigerian. One chapter “Noise from the Soul” has always fascinated me. It shed light on the uniqueness of the Nigerian’s sound, pardon me, “noise”. It also spoke about how our colonial masters attempted to halt this unique sound (noise) by imposing fines on defaulters, albeit unsuccessfully. The opening words of this chapter are reproduced below:

In the beginning, God created the universe, then he created the moon, the stars, and the wild beasts of the forest. On the sixth day, He created the Nigerian and there was peace. But on the seventh day while God rested, the Nigerian invented noise.

Undoubtedly, Nigerians hold a worldwide patent for noise production. If you are tempted to think that the award rightfully belongs to either the Italians, the Mexicans, or any other nation, then you either do not know any Nigerians or you, as a Nigerian, are living in self-denial. Some will still argue that Nigerians are not necessarily the loudest on earth. On the African continent, we are regarded as the most expressive: we have no equals and we have no rivals. If there is one thing our African brothers and sisters always say about us, it is our garrulous nature often matched with an equally forceful personality.

The average Nigerian is loud! Loud for absolutely no reason and it irks my very soul! I am not exactly sure why or how we became like this but I am always tempted to believe it may be a part of our DNA. Realistically speaking, I suspect it is somewhat connected to the fact that the average Nigerian does not like to be intimidated whilst unconsciously, seeking to intimidate others. The other party for the same reason, continues the conversation with such force, seeking to match or outdo their sparring partner.

Nigerians are very expressive people. We like to show as we tell and we often extend this to include the relevant sound effects which are often in the highest decibels. If there is one thing that Nigerians like to do, it is talk and we often do this with so much vibrance. We raise our voices with each fresh sentence and we add the relevant tonal expressions to match our mood and tale. Our voices will always carry and it often doesn’t matter whether we are having a dialogue or a group discussion. It is even worse with group discussions as the noise levels are guaranteed to be deafening.

Now, one of the things that surprises me the most is that one could be having a conversation with one other person, both existing in the same physical space. These two people are fully aware they are in a dialogue but their tongues, brains and ears always seem to exist separate from them. Standing just a few centimetres apart, they always feel a need to speak with so much force and volume that their voices must reach the ends of the earth. I am always amazed at how people may be having what could be assumed to be a private conversation but leave enough room for everyone else to hear exactly what is being said. Let’s also remember that with loud speech often comes animated facial expressions and wild gesticulations that would convince the uninitiated that truly a battle is about to go down.

I cannot count the number of times I have heard stories about non-Nigerians who have panicked simply because they saw two or more people having what they assumed to be a heated discussion. Imagine their trepidation and eventual surprise at finding out that those people were simply having a normal conversation. Why were their voices raised? And it’s not just with face-to-face conversation but also communicating over the telephone. You hold the phone close to your ear, and you can hear the person you’re speaking to quite clearly, likewise, that person can hear you but you both feel the need to shout over the telephone. Any uninitiated person could easily assume that you were having an argument even though you were most likely carrying on a simple conversation.

Why don’t people speak in measured tones? Do Nigerians even know how to whisper? Imagine trying to get the average Nigerian to whisper. The chances of this happening are as low as the chances of snow falling in Lagos during harmattan. Do you not know that whispering is forbidden in the Nigerian constitution? How dare you lower your voice such that absolutely no one but your intended audience can hear you.

Ok, so maybe I have been a bit too sweeping with my assumptions that the average Nigerian is loud. What I should actually have said is that residents of major Nigerian cities are the main culprits! You are guaranteed to be assaulted by noise on the road, at bus stops and bus parks, at parties and in religious centres, in the markets and shopping malls, in offices, in short, anywhere a multitude of people are gathered in the urban areas. From the speakers perched on shops banging out the latest music to the sounds of everyday transportation, the agberos calling out the routes, road users and passengers in a heated conversation, a cacophony of deafening sounds is likely to assail your eardrums once you step out of your house. You may not even need to go out, the noise will travel all the way to your room without barriers. Nigerians don’t even need to remain in Nigeria to maintain this behaviour as we have successfully exported it outside the shores of this country. 

A friend of mine once came to visit me in my very small and quiet estate. He lived just behind my estate, in an ungated community with direct access to the main road. He observed how quiet everywhere was and said he could never live in my estate because he had become used to the sound of noise and quietness would drive him crazy! I really found that hilarious. Another friend who lived within my estate had his house bordering a house of worship outside our estate. The sounds from the daily sessions eventually got to him and he went to appeal to them to either reduce the noise or soundproof the building. Would you believe it if I told you that he was manhandled when he got there? 

I know we have noise pollution laws in Lagos State but I do not think they are strictly enforced judging from all the noise we are exposed to. It would take a cultural revolution for the average Nigerian to focus on reducing the noise they produce. Until then, people like me will have to keep begging or threatening loud people. This is the way I see things today.

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