I am sure you must have read, watched or seen the news about the 27-year-old chef -Hilda Bassey (Hilda Baci) who broke the record and got her name in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest time cooking having cooked nonstop for 100 hours.
Like everyone, it was a surreal moment, both for her and the nation and I must say that everyone of us shared in the joy, excitement and celebrations that reverberated as she counted down to the record she broke and towards the new record she attained.
Did I say everyone?
Well, the truth is that not everyone was happy for her win and those that weren’t said it without mincing words. I read things like
- She doesn’t deserve the hype , what did she cook sef? Was the food good?
- The strangers supporting her wouldn’t support their family and friends?
- When did she start cooking that she has now become a household name?
- What’s the significance of a Guinness World Record?
These statements were symptomatic of the fact that the persons who uttered them were envious of her success. Whatever way they slanted it they couldn’t celebrate another’s win and were envious.
Success brings out the jealous vein in some people, they can’t but be resentful over the wins of another and whilst some can hide their true feelings under fake smiles and hugs, a few blurt out their feelings spilling their green bile over everyone in their attempt to undermine people’s celebrations.
So are you a hater??
A hater is defined by the Urban Dictionary as
- A person who says or writes unpleasant things about someone or criticises their achievements especially on the internet.
- A person who feels anger and/or jealousy for someone who has succeeded in meeting their goals.
- A person who speaks badly or takes negative actions in an attempt to create problems for the successful person.
I must say that I understand that twinge of pain when we see others succeeding especially in places where we have failed repeatedly. I have experienced it from time to time, not to do so will be to deny my humanity and inadequacies and it is perfectly normal at least for that moment. What is not normal is when the pain lingers and blinds us to the joy the person is experiencing whether they deserve it or not (in our estimation), belittles our own achievements and makes us say or do things to undermine their joy.
The inability to celebrate another’s win is symptomatic that we have issues and most times they have nothing to do with the person celebrating or how they are showing off their success.
So if you find yourself unable to truly celebrate the success of others, I have the following tips for you-
- Identify what makes you envious. I daresay that sometimes it may not be the person you are envious of but what they have achieved. When we analyse our feelings we are able to see things objectively and transform our negative emotions into a positive force because we find out that we will not need to undermine others or make negative comments such as “ she slept her way to the top” to feel better about ourselves.
- You don’t know the whole story. We see people arrive at new levels but don’t know their back story, the truth is that there is always a back story. No one makes it to the front page of the news immediately they set out in life( except they are royals).
- Avoid the pit of comparison. Comparison is the thief of gratitude. The truth is that our circumstances can never be the same. Twins and siblings who grow up together in the same environment can never have an identical life, as the schools, friends, spouses, professions that each person chooses will lead different tracks in life.
- Gratitude. Be happy for where you are at, for what you have and what you are doing.
The truth is that time and chance happens to all. Some people will do something small or insignificant and the world will carry it on their heads whilst others will do big things and no one will know. Mr Aisi is a big example of this to me, when he was nominated as one of the 100 past heroes of the education sector during the 60th year celebrations of the country and honoured with a stamp in his name, I was perplexed because it felt unreal that the seemingly little things he did could have such far reaching impact but that’s the way of life sometimes, little things that we do could have far reaching impact and consequences. Also, seasons have a way of amplifying efforts, the advent of social media and its easy accessibility to everyone worldwide has made a lot of people overnight successes, unlike in the past when most people’s talents were not showcased to a wide public.
The ability to celebrate the wins of others especially when they have achieved what we desire but lack, shows contentment with our lot in life, our confidence in our God, our abilities and the fact that things will come through for us at the appropriate time. Our time will surely come.
A note to those who have been at the receiving end of the envy of others, please do not dim your light so they feel more comfortable, at the same time don’t flaunt your success in their faces. Be aware that many times their envy has nothing to do with you but that the inadequacies of the jealous person are driven by
- the fear that you may leave them behind
- the pain and frustration that their efforts haven’t brought them the measure of success you are enjoying either because they didn’t have access to the support or opportunities that you may have.
- Anger at themselves for not making the right choices to succeed.
Respond to their hate by not taking things personally, knowing that you can’t please everyone or should want to, deal with them with understanding albeit at a safe distance especially if they are consumed with it. Finally , own your success and you deserve it .
Congratulations Hilda for putting us on the map. It was indeed a nerve wracking watch but beautiful in the way both friends and strangers supported your ambition.