Are you searching for utopia? Gbubemi Atimomo

Musings on the concept of perfectionism

I watched Whiplash a few years back. It is a 2014 American film that explores perfectionism as one of its core themes. It tells the story of a first-year student, Andrew, enrolled in a prestigious music conservatory and his relationship with his music conductor. Andrew hoped to hone his skills as a jazz drummer and quickly discovered that the conductor had exceptionally high standards and never tolerated errors in any form. He was also mean, manipulative, and outrightly cruel to his students.

Andrew wanted to be the best and did all he could to impress the conductor. He achieved a bit of success as he was promoted from alternate drummer to core drummer but this, however, came at a cost. His life and relationships suffered as he was focused on impressing the conductor and being an excellent jazz drummer. The conductor was solely focused on producing excellent music and couldn’t care less about the well-being of his students. He drove them so hard that one day, Andrew had an accident on his way to a music competition, and he still managed to show up. He didn’t even bother to get his wounds checked first as he was completely focused on playing at the competition and not letting the conductor down.

Perfectionism can be described as a personality trait or behavioural pattern where an individual strives for flawlessness in all aspects of their life. Such people typically set unattainable standards and place high demands on performance for themselves and others. They can also be overly critical of themselves and others. Seeking perfection can be a powerful motivational tool; one is encouraged to always seek the best in their endeavours. Whilst it can lead to great success, these achievements typically come at a severe cost. We live in an imperfect world, and even when we are totally in control of the circumstances around us, which may be almost impossible, we are still unable to achieve perfection.

Research shows that the tendency to seek perfection arises from a combination of genetic, environmental, and psychological factors. Some research studies even suggest that genes may account for up to 50% of the variability in perfectionism, so it would appear that some people are born with the trait.

Family upbringing and societal pressure can also contribute to the development of perfectionism. Individuals whose parents maintained very high standards are also prone to becoming perfectionists. Whether in academic or social pursuits, parents who constantly provide high benchmarks for their children to meet can only make them assume their sense of worth is tied to achieving these high standards. I remember a university classmate crying her eyes out because she didn’t score high marks on a test we did. She had put herself under so much pressure and yet, hadn’t achieved her goal. Such people could end up transferring their high expectations to others, and may even view achievements below their expectations as a fault of theirs.

There are both good and bad sides to perfectionism. Think about any person you’d identify as a perfectionist. Most likely there are very driven and highly motivated. They tend to focus on their goals with the expectation that they would achieve them. They may also be quite detail-oriented which helps them analyse issues and be objective. Such skills are required in careers that require people to be meticulous and pay attention to details. You can trust that such people have a strong work ethic and a commitment to excellence. They do not consider their work done until it has reached a level where critiquing would be almost unnecessary because they have made sure to dot their I’s and cross their T’s. You can trust them to do their work and maintain high standards.

Ironically, whilst the search for perfection can make people produce their best work, it usually comes at a price. To achieve anything close to perfection, perfectionists place demands on themselves that may end up affecting their mental, emotional, and even physical health. They could experience burnout and stress, as they may feel that they can never relax or take a break from their work.

There is also the tendency to be highly critical of themselves and others. Guilt, doubt, and low self-esteem could set in when they don’t meet their standards. Procrastination is also possible as they can become overwhelmed by the high standards they have set. If a perfectionist has issues with their work or the work of others, it would affect their relationships as they are always seeking the unattainable instead of appreciating the little improvements that people make.

If you are a perfectionist, you may probably be happy that you can achieve many of your goals but deep inside, you are probably also seeking a breather. It is good to set high standards but take it easy on yourself when you don’t achieve exactly what you set out to achieve. Try not to berate yourself, tomorrow is always another day to try again. This also goes for working with other people. Constant criticism can make people doubt themselves so easing up on this can reduce the anxiety and confusion that people experience in such circumstances.

Even as you set high standards, you should ensure that your goals are realistic, why would you want to set yourself up for failure from the onset? No one will ever be perfect, we can only strive towards constant improvement. Also, focus on prioritising self-care and relaxation. Taking time off or engaging in leisure activities may feel careless especially when a deadline looms but it is important to take breaks and recharge to avoid burnout. Engage in activities that bring you joy and help you to relax, such as exercise, hobbies, or spending time with loved ones.

Do away with negative self-talk. Failure to achieve a task as planned does not necessarily make one a failure and there is no need harbouring self-limiting thoughts because of such events. Be more realistic in how you view events that may not have gone as planned. Celebrate what went right, what you learned, what you did differently, and any little successes. Remember that mistakes offer us a learning opportunity.

If you are struggling with perfectionism, you could try speaking with someone, maybe even a professional therapist. Sharing your need for excellence with someone else may help you unburden the weight you have placed on yourself. Sometimes just talking about your feelings can help to relieve some of the pressure and stress that you are feeling.

No one was born perfect and no one will ever achieve perfection, know this and know peace. As Andrew learned in “Whiplash”, the pursuit of perfection can lead to great success but also comes with significant sacrifices. Ultimately, the search for utopia is a noble pursuit, but we must remember that it is an unattainable ideal and that striving for excellence while also prioritizing our well-being is the key to living a fulfilling life. This is the way I see things today.