Who remembers that song Anyagba girls are dangerous? I can’t remember the artistes. Anyway just replace Anyagba girls with Lagos boys and put dangerous in capital letters. Lagos boys are very DANGEROUS. I will explain, but first, who is a Lagos boy.
This one is not about tribe. Lagos boys are those male Nigerians born and brought up in this city, some have lived here for a long while, and they have absorbed Lagos into their veins. Whether it is the street boy or the sleek ones in suits and ties, or the members of beard gang in their white/black agbadas, they are all the same.
I walked into a saloon in the Palm Groove area to make an appointment for my hair. When I got in, nobody acknowledged my presence, they were engrossed in a story, so I sat down.
Girl 1: That boy don leave Janet? (Pronounced as Jay-neet)
Girl 2: Yes o, after everything Janet do for am.
Girl 1: When he come Lagos, e no get anything, na Janet dey feed am, buy am clothe
Girl 3: He say he don find im soul mate, love no be my force. He don give the new girl engagement ring sef
Girl 1 and 2: EHNNNN!
Just then, I chuckled and they turned to me.
The incident brought to mind another story I heard during this last holidays. A Lagos boy told his girlfriend he was travelling with his boss during the holidays. They were supposed to be working on the trip. Girlfriend went to his house when he was supposed to have travelled and found him with another woman.
Know what he said? That he was just testing her, he knew she did not trust him.
The iron arrogance and confidence of a Lagos boy!
You catch them, hand dripping with okro from the pot of ogbono soup, they will deny and you’ll think you are the crazy.
There was this one my friend dated for almost one year; before she found out he was married with two kids. You want to ask how she did not know. They were dating publicly, he uploaded photos of both of them on Facebook and Instagram tagged them with ‘bae and I’, he took her to hang out with his friends, she met people who were supposed to be his siblings. My friend was already choosing wedding colours before she found out. When she confronted him, he said what does it matter? He is just married and it’s not as if he did blood oath with her.
I went to get insecticide the other day. On my way home, very close to my compound, one street boy walked up to me. He greeted me so I smiled, then he said in a funny mix of Ghanaian and Jamaican accent, ‘I wanna get to know you baby, give me your action and I will give you my formation.’ I said what? He repeated it. I was so confused. So I asked again, what are you saying? What do you want? He replied ‘It’s not as if I want you for your boobs or ass, I just want you, so you give me your action baby, and I will you my formation.’
I did not know when I started laughing. I laughed so much tears came out of my eyes.
Dear Lord, save us from Lagos boys.
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