So I came across this post on X, diary of a naijagirl. Poster narrated a childless marriage of seven years and while he was out of town one day, his wife called to say she was pregnant. The elated husband asked that his family go and stay with his wife. Madam said she wanted to go stay with her mother in Calabar…
Long story short, they begat a set of twin girls. Yes, they did. In Calabar. The wife’s mother was the only one who “witnessed” the births.
DNA issues that hit Nigeria years back made the husband decide to conduct a secret DNA test…
You would wonder why he had the nagging doubt. Has Madam insinuated or acted in ways he just couldn’t put his finger on that suggest he’d been shooting blanks?
Who knows.
Well, lo and behold the children were not his. He moved out. The family moved in to prevent a total marriage breakdown…throw in pastors and friends.
The fight dragged on. The hurt and betrayal was too deep to comprehend. But wait for it, as it gets worse, it turns out the wife isn’t even the twins’ biological mother!
Now, the twins were nine years old at the time of the DNA revelation, so imagine the scale of bitterness in the marriage.
Wahala be like bicycle!
There are too many things at stake here but I will skip and go to comments on the story. One in particular seemed to divide the comments. He said he was glad she did not bring another man’s children to present to the husband, as far as this person is concerned, there was hope for the marriage!
It’s curious that a lot of men, well, judging by their profile photos, supported this view. The way they saw it, it would be worse if the woman had cheated outside the marriage with the babies. For them, the woman committed a lesser sin, bringing another woman’s children and passing them off as hers and her husband’s.
They were saying, “She didn’t go sleeping with other men for the children, so yeah, go easy on her, mate.”
I found this strange. Were roles reversed, would this be the case?
When I posed the question outside social media to a few male friends and family, would you accept children your wife brings into the marriage if they were not yours? They said they’d forgive the woman, knowing she didn’t cheat.
Ha!
I would have liked to hear the wife’s part of the story. What happened?
Why did she not agree to the adoption of children her husband proposed earlier in their marriage?
Was she unsure of his love and commitment to her?
Was she afraid her in-laws would mock her inability to have children and so adoption was clearly out of question?
We cannot rule these out as we all know the stigma and shame women who have no children in marriage are made to suffer.
These could account for why she deceived him for so long.
However, the other thing I had expected people to focus on was the part about the crime. Clearly, she paid for the children. It is against the law. How did we all miss that point?
More so, when the transaction took place, did anyone consider the biological mother?
Was she some poor girl from the village who got raped or got pregnant on her own and suddenly couldn’t care for the babies she was expecting?
Was she coerced to give up her children or were the babies snatched from her before she opened her eyes after birth?
These should raise serious ethical issues, not just for the couple but for us as a people, seeing especially that our main concern is the fact that the woman did not cheat, therefore, every other thing is Ok.
While cheating is generally considered unacceptable, forgiveness and moving forward in a marriage are complex decisions. It’s essential to consider the broader context, including emotional bonds, trust, and the well-being of all family members.
If truth be told, there are no easy answers in such situations. Trust has been broken and sometimes trust can weigh more than so many other issues in marriage. And for me, rather than focusing solely on the act of cheating, a holistic view should consider the impact on everyone involved.
The twins, who were nine years old (not sure they are older…they could be as there was no date on the poster’s narrative) have likely formed strong emotional connections with the couple they call “daddy” and “mummy.” Their feelings and sense of belonging may be impacted by the revelations about their biological origins. Some snooty kid in their school will remind them of their origin when they cross paths and they will run home, crying to their parents for answers.
Ultimately, empathy, communication, and understanding are crucial for navigating these complex issues.