I am not sure I will ever understand why child victims of sexual assault are blamed for the assault they suffered. I read the story of a supposed Church Overseer, a 65-year-old man, Pastor Francis Ogwu in Anambra State, reported to have been arrested for defiling his seven-year-old house help. (I hope he rots in jail!)
You will not believe what his excuse is: He did so because his wife starved him of sex.
Aha! He clearly abdicated total responsibility for his actions.
What I find so infuriating, is the fact that when interviewed, the seven-year-old said the pastor’s wife accused her of snatching her husband from her!
The story of Pastor Francis Ogwu’s actions is appalling. The fact that he attempted to justify his behaviour by blaming his wife’s supposed denial of sex is reprehensible. Equally disturbing is the pastor’s wife accusing the seven-year-old girl of “snatching” her husband. It’s heartbreaking to think of the trauma this child endured, both from the assault itself and the subsequent mistreatment.
The depravity of some people!
The child was beaten, I can imagine, and also subjected to several forms of punishments, like not feeding her and so she ran away. (Is this not how some women treat their underaged house helps? May a thousand fire thunder and destroy the pastor and everyone under his roof who did this child harm!)
The pastor’s wife lacks empathy. You see, empathy allows us to understand and support others. When lacking empathy, people may dismiss victims’ experiences and focus on perceived flaws.
What the wife, Mummy GO aka Mrs Ogwu of the congregation of Jesus House of Joy Church, Awka, did was wrong.
She is a woman, a mother and a supposed female lead of the church where compassion, love and charity are meant to not just to be preached but practised.
She was busy fasting and so she blamed the seven-year-old for “snatching her husband.” I have heard that refrain too many times in cases where minors are caught in the middle of lecherous husbands and stupid wives who defend their actions. They blame 12 year olds, 16 year olds for “luring” grown men! So these men have no control of their facilities? This is total rubbish.
Empathy is crucial in understanding and supporting survivors of abuse. No child should ever be blamed for the actions of an adult.
But roll back a bit. How do you comprehend a grown man, a man old enough to be a great-grandfather to this child, saying the reason he defiled the child, is because his wife denied him sex?
The degenerate pastor claimed he only fingered her once, but the child said he penetrated thrice. She went on to say, he would give her N500 and N1000 to buy her silence.
I believe the child’s version.
For anyone with the right perception, one time is too many times. So even if we are to go by the lecherous’ Pastor’s testimony, one time is more than enough to ensure that the child is traumatised for the rest of her life. The trauma experienced by this young girl is profound. Even if we consider the pastor’s claim of a single incident, the impact on her well-being is significant.
That little girl may have difficulties forming relationships, she may suffer flashbacks from the fear she experienced when the pastor defiled her. The trepidation that came from not being able to tell anyone about what he was doing to her. Did she even fully comprehend what was going on?
Her inability to sleep, eat and wonder who could protect her from this man. Trauma can manifest in various ways, affecting relationships, mental health, and daily functioning. We must recognize and address this trauma with compassion and sensitivity….this is just surface-level trauma.
What I also find so desperately sad is the comments credited to the commissioner of Women and Social Affairs of the state, Ify Obinabo. She is reported to have vowed that the child gets justice but also advised that women stop starving their husbands of sex as this could lead to bad behaviours… this minimises the offence. It belittles the gravity of what was done to the child.
You see, when people attribute other circumstances to negative events, rather than external factors, which is the perpetrator’s action, is a bias that leads to victim blaming. Insinuating that women should avoid “starving” their husbands of sex as a preventive measure against bad behaviour, is misguided. It perpetuates victim-blaming and places the burden on women to manage men’s actions. Instead, we should focus on holding perpetrators accountable and creating a society that supports survivors.