Musings on outsmarting your service provider when they go loco
We say if anyone explains Nigeria to you and you understand what they have said, then you were either not paying attention or that person doesn’t know Nigeria well enough. The Nigerian experience is probably like none other. Some circumstances unify the average Nigerian whether they be moneyed, just comfortable, getting by, or poor, that may end up surprising non-Nigerians. It takes living the Nigerian experience to understand and adapt to it. I have got service providers on my mind and I want to rant!#The hustle that the average Nigerian has to engage in daily to get basic services will one day be the stuff of legends (who am I kidding?) What many people from other countries, and not even just developed countries, take for granted is often what Nigerians have to hope, dream, beg, steal, and borrow for.
You see, in Nigeria, we don’t just survive — we thrive. Well, maybe not thrive exactly, but we’ve mastered the ancient art of finding Plan B, C, and D when Plan A fails… which it often does. Recognising this as Nigerians, we have mastered the art of improvisation and juggling multiple providers, despite living in a “service-rich” country. I often wonder if it is a “too many cooks spoilt the broth” situation. We have the quantity but do we really have the quality? The jury may still be out on this.
Let’s start with the money talk. Banking services in Nigeria were once quite advanced in some aspects; think text message alerts with each transaction activity, instant cheque clearing, and USSD banking, all things we have come to take for granted. But something happened at some point and things appear to have slowed down. Funny debits that one didn’t initiate, transfers taking longer than usual, bank apps failing, or even bank alerts coming days late. If you are a privileged customer of any of the banks that have recently embarked on a software upgrade/ overhaul, I am certain you know what I am talking about and no, this isn’t a recent phenomenon.
For almost a month, I have had issues sending and receiving money. First, it was the transfer I made to my mechanic who uses a different bank. Said transfer didn’t reflect until over a week later. I was so sure he was lying when he said he hadn’t received the money alas, his bank had undergone a software upgrade. Then I decided to put some money I didn’t want to touch immediately into an account I rarely use, only to try and initiate a transfer a few days later which never went through. I eventually had to go to the banking hall to do it.
My primary bank announced their software change, giving an estimated timeline of four days which has now become four plus X days. Many customers have been left complaining bitterly as their transactions hang or don’t even go through. I’m still waiting for a transfer to go through, three days after I initiated it. Thank God for fintechs!#This is one of the reasons many Nigerians have multiple service providers for everything. At your peril if you think you can survive with all of your accounts in just one bank. Want to transfer money? Sure, just make sure you have three banking apps installed, because one will crash, another will ask for a token you don’t have, and the third — well, may the force be with you. You need to have at least five accounts across three banks and two fintechs. You can take that to the bank.
Next up is telecoms. Welcome to the world where you own SIM cards from all the networks. One for calls, another for the internet, a third ‘just in case,’ and one for when the others are responding to their “village people”. If you have tried living on only one telecom network, chances are that you already have stories for days. The constant switching between mobile networks to find the “least terrible” service is a daily ritual. One network may just decide to start turning on its own so you quickly switch to the next. And in the rare event that all of the networks are moving mad, you start beating a drum or hire a messenger pigeon, depending on what message you are trying to communicate.
One would ordinarily use their mobile network for internet as well but it’s often advisable to get a wifi device or two, just in case. One minute, you have full bars and you’re downloading files at the speed of light, the next minute, you’re crawling along with a snail as you wait for your files to be uploaded. Why stress yourself when you can have options? You know which provider you use in Victoria Island but not in Ikeja or which one works better at night or along the Lagos-Ibadan Expressway. Let’s not even talk about those providers that dash you “audio” data; here today, gone in sixty seconds!#Do you have a favourite place to eat or order food from? I wager you don’t have just one. When it comes to the culinary experience in Naija, whether fast-food or upscale, mamaput or caterer, chances are you have one provider that makes one or two items perfectly. So you can order jollof rice from one place and the moin moin to back it up from another place. Or maybe you go to one ice cream parlour for their vanilla flavour and another one for their chocolate flavour. There are very few places where you can have all of your needs met at once, there will always be an exception with something.#I know you’ve been waiting for me to mention electricity right? Our NEPA issues are legendary. Meanwhile, I am sure we can all agree that NEPA is the blanket term for electricity distribution companies because it emotes the strongest and most common feeling for our electricity situation. With all the meter issues, estimated billing, and banding from A to E, the average Nigerian will definitely have tales to tell. Even though the electricity discos eagerly desire to move more customers to the lucrative subsidy-less Band A (those guaranteed at least 20 hours of electricity supply daily), not a lot of Nigerians are within that band which means those who live in the lower bands have to augment their power supply.#What do you do when you don’t have power but you need power? You generate your own power supply! Whether you have a petrol or diesel generator, solar panels, inverters, or even lamps and candles, you can produce electricity on demand! Why wait for NEPA then when you can be your own NEPA? And who says you can’t be your own disco and help your neighbours out with a candle or a connection to your generator?
Nigerians have learnt to be prepared for anyhowness across service providers especially when it comes to artisans. So, we also learn to have multiple tailors, mechanics, carpenters, plumbers, etc. We can never lose caught losing guard. If we don’t have another option, we know who to contact to get a recommendation or two or three. For every “Ah Oga, it has been long since I saw you o”, know that there was a subpar experience that drove one into the arms of another service provider. And if it wasn’t a bad experience that was to blame, it was the anticipation of one.
As the ever-adaptive people that we are, we have learnt to grin and bear it, embrace the chaos with a smile, hoping that we will have a better experience next time. But we can do better and we all need to hold ourselves accountable across the board. So, the next time you’re tempted to hurl your phone in frustration, scream at the bank’s customer service official, hurl expletives at your internet service provider, or even show that NEPA official who’s boss, just remember — there’s always another provider waiting to disappoint you and it shouldn’t be so! As always, this is the way I see things today.