I recently read the book A man called Ove by Fredrik Backman and watched the film A man called Otto starring Tom Hanks based on the book. It is a book about a man who grew up having no real social connections, having lost his mother at a young age and his father in his teens. He suffered also from the society who saw him as a social misfit due to his class and upbringing. Fortunate to have a wife who loved him in spite of his set ways, he lost himself entirely after her death and was redeemed by his neighbours.
The book and film are a testament to the fact that human beings are inherently social creatures. From birth, we are wired to connect with others, to seek companionship and to build relationships. Whether through family, friendships, partnerships, or communities, these connections form the foundation of our lives. Yet in today’s fast-paced, hyper-individualistic world, it’s easy to find ourselves retreating into isolation, either due to busy schedules, personal struggles, or the idea that we should be self-sufficient in all things.
But the truth is, we need social connections more than we sometimes admit. The saying “no man is an island” is very true and may I add that no matter how much we pray, God will not come down to answer the prayer but will use people that we know or that they know, to help and bless us. I always sigh when someone talks about canceling people from their lives because although I am not an advocate for people enduring toxic relationships, the truth is that each of us is not perfect and that we will disappoint or offend the people in our lives.
We need people and need to know how to manage people
It has been scientifically proven that right from birth, babies that are cuddled and held thrive better than those that are not. Research has repeatedly shown that people with strong relationships live longer, healthier lives. One groundbreaking study even found that social isolation can be as detrimental to our health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. This stark comparison highlights how vital relationships are for our survival.
A friend recently shared with me how he revolutionized things in the care home he worked in. On starting the job, he noticed that the patients were kept at arm’s length and one day he shook the hands of one of them and the more he did so to other patients, the more they responded to him and their treatments until he became the carer everyone wanted. His actions led to a change of policies in the home and an invitation to sit on committees he had no business being on due to his being a newbie in the industry. A friend shared with me how although her friend may have done stuff to her that she didn’t like, she was able to see her positive input in her life in other areas.
Whether we admit it to ourselves or not, at the heart of social connections is the human need to belong. When we connect with others, we feel a sense of acceptance and identity. These relationships act as mirrors, reflecting back to us who we are. They help us discover our values, reinforce our self-worth, and remind us that we matter to others.
Belonging is more than a warm, fuzzy feeling—it is foundational to our survival. Historically, human beings depended on tribes and communities for protection, resources, and survival. Although the modern world has evolved, our instinct to seek a tribe remains. Today, that tribe might be a family, a circle of friends, a professional network, or a religious group, but the need is the same: to feel part of something larger than ourselves. When people lack this sense of connection, they feel unmoored, as if they don’t have a place in the world. It is my sincere belief that the lack of a sense of belonging is one of the reasons why we see so many bring their personal issues to the cretins on social media who go ahead to dissect their lives, ruining it even further.
Social connections anchor us by giving us roles to play in the lives of others, whether as friends, mentors, caregivers, or confidantes. These roles affirm our importance and contribute to our overall happiness and emotional well-being and remind us that we are not alone in our struggles, which is crucial for maintaining a positive outlook on life.
Life is full of highs and lows, and the presence of a supportive network helps us navigate these fluctuations with resilience. Sharing our joys with others amplifies our happiness, while leaning on friends or loved ones during challenging times lessens the weight of our burdens. Imagine going through heartbreak, the death of a loved one or a difficult job loss without someone to talk to. The silence can be deafening, and the burden unbearable. But with trusted friends or family, we find comfort in the simple act of being heard, held and understood.
There is a growing mental health crisis around the world and it is an undisputed fact that a lot of the cases are due to loneliness and the absence of community. The more lonely people are, the more they are predisposed to mental health challenges. This of course does not mean that relationships solve all our problems, but they provide a safe space to express our feelings and find reassurance.
Social connections don’t just nurture our emotional well-being—they play a critical role in our physical health, too. When we have strong social bonds, we’re more likely to adopt healthier lifestyles as the presence of friends and family in our lives encourage and give us the impetus to stay active, eat well, and take care of ourselves. Beyond lifestyle changes, relationships reduce stress levels, which in turn lowers the risk of stress-related illnesses like heart disease, high blood pressure, and weakened immunity. Having someone to share your worries with or spend quality time with can release oxytocin, a hormone that promotes relaxation and reduces stress.
On a deeper level, the presence of social connections gives people something to live for. Whether it’s a loving spouse, a devoted group of friends, or a larger community, these bonds create a sense of purpose that sustains us, particularly in times of difficulty.
Mentally, relationships challenge us to grow. They expose us to new perspectives, ideas, and experiences that we might never encounter on our own. A good friend or trusted mentor can expand our horizons, encourage us to try new things, and guide us through tough decisions. Even difficult relationships, while painful, can teach us valuable lessons about ourselves and others. Through conflicts, we learn patience, empathy, and communication. Through shared experiences, we learn collaboration and compromise. These skills enrich our personal lives and enhance our ability to navigate the wider world.
Doing life alone denies us all these opportunities for growth. It keeps us in the comfort of our own perspectives and limits the potential for learning from others. When we interact with others, we evolve into more compassionate, understanding, and well-rounded individuals.
Social connections aren’t just about what we gain—they’re also about what we give. Relationships give us the chance to contribute to others’ lives, to be a source of support, joy, and strength for those around us. This mutual exchange of care and support creates a sense of purpose and fulfillment like “Ove” in the book I read found out. As we give to others, whether through time, advice, or acts of kindness, we leave an imprint that often outlives us. The bonds we build and the impact we have on others become part of our legacy. These connections weave a larger story of community and continuity that extends beyond our individual existence.
In a world where independence is often prized above interdependence, where we delight in telling people we don’t need them or are quick to cut them off because of offence, where we are overly concerned about what they bring to the table, where social media makes us feel that we have connected with others through a like or comment substituting them for real heartfelt conversations- it’s easy to see connection as optional rather than essential.
Isolation is never a good thing not even in the animal kingdom and it tends to creep in gradually, affecting our mental and physical health in ways we may not immediately notice. To counteract this, we must be intentional about building and maintaining meaningful relationships. This might mean reaching out to a friend we haven’t spoken to in a while, joining a group with shared interests, or simply making time for loved ones in our busy schedules.
The beauty of this life we all have, lies in the connections we make along the way. We don’t have to go through life alone. Choosing to connect, to share, and to walk with others through this journey is not a sign of weakness but of strength. It’s an acknowledgment that we thrive together, that we are better for the love and support we give and receive.
It’s a new year, let us be intentional about building connections, about nurturing relationships that matter, and about opening our hearts to the beauty of doing life together. Because at the end of the day, our greatest treasures aren’t the possessions we accumulate but the people whose lives intertwine with ours, making the journey all the more worthwhile.
Remember God will not come down to help us. He will use those around us.