Every married woman is a potential widow — Tara Aisida 

I recently attended the first ever The African Widows Summit (TAWS) founded by Mrs Hope Nwakwesi.

A visionary,  Nwakwesi, being widowed for 30 years at the young age of 24 with four young children, thought it was time for the African nations to collectively do away with the maltreatment of widows on the continent by coming together to formulate policies for widows. 

The summit was a huge success and attracted high ranking politicians including the president of Zanzibar, First Ladies of East Africa, delegates from the African Union (AU), the United Nations (UN) and widows from all walks of life.

As I listened to the discussions and later sat at a table with other participants, it occurred to me that many times the interventions for widows start a bit too late and that it may just do women a whole lot of good if they were prepared for the possibility of widowhood before it happens. 

Please be rest assured, I am in no way advocating that women wish their husbands dead or scheme to take away their properties, but I will not bury my head in the sand like an ostrich by wishing away the fact that most married women outlive their husbands. The truth is that every married woman is a potential widow and it is foolhardy to think that widowhood cannot happen to us or that it will happen to us when we are prepared for it.

Death is inevitable and we must be realistic, practical and honest to know that it is the reality of everyone. Men must acknowledge (unless their wives are the most irresponsible of women) that their children’s interests are better protected if they prepare their wives for a life without them in the picture. Women must also realise that there is a lot they can do to protect themselves and their children even before they become widows.  

The ability to think ahead about the possibility of widowhood will help women navigate this challenging transition more smoothly, and in my opinion, these are some of the steps we can take:

1. Financial Planning: This is key because a lot of men are the financial backbones of their families. Even in the instances where the woman is economically empowered, she often does not earn as much as her husband. Couples should have a comprehensive financial plan drawn up that is easily accessible by the woman. The wife should be able to have immediate access to monies in her husband’s accounts should he pass on, and thankfully the advent of ATM cards and internet banking makes it easy to bypass the bureaucracy of the banking system. Information such as bank passwords, internet banking details should not be hidden from her so she can do the needful when the inevitable occurs. I am aware that many men are very hesitant to divulge their banking details and in such cases my advice is that such men should put a structure in place that will ensure their wives have immediate access to money should they pass on. 

1. The opening of an account in the joint names of both spouses or the appointment of the wife as a signatory to the husband’s account is also advisable; however, the account mandates should be well understood as there are limitations even when spouses have joint accounts. 
2. Taking out life insurance is also a very good way to cater for one’s loved ones because it’s fast, seamless and outside the ambit of probate. The most important thing to remember is that the beneficiary of the insurance must be an adult. Finally the tools of estate planning – Wills and Living trusts to manage and distribute assets can be helpful in ensuring that widows are not financially deprived when their husbands die. 
3. Legal Documentation. Men owe their families a duty to update their legal documents at their workplaces, pension offices, etc. periodically, especially when their marital status changes. Stories abound of men who put the names of their brothers or minor children down as next of kin and even though the next of kin have no known power of representation in law, most offices are reluctant to deal with their deceased employee’s estate without involving their next of kin.  
4.  Legal documentation also implies that  Wills and powers of attorney, healthcare directives are current and reflect both partners’ wishes and that property titles, vehicles and other significant assets are correctly titled. This implies that the wife knows where important documents such as insurance policies, wills, deeds, titles, financial records are kept and has the contact details of her husband’s legal and financial advisers. 

3. Financial literacy by developing the requisite skills in budgeting, investing and managing finances, and the family business. Rich widows are often the targets of men who take advantage of their vulnerability to collect all the hard-earned money they and their husbands have worked for so it is important that widows can manage monies within their control.  
4. Build and cultivate relationships with friends, family and support groups that can provide emotional and practical support. If there is one thing that has been of immense help to me, it is having a social network that is supportive and protective of me and my children. 

5. Communication both within and without.  Although it is considered a taboo, partners should have conversations about death with one another. Things like how and where to be buried, who should handle what, what part the extended family should play in the burial arrangements should be held between spouses and communicated clearly to the family during the man’s lifetime so that the wife is absolved of taking “unilateral” decisions by his family. 

These conversations should ideally cover scenarios and how we will handle them to avoid surprises and ensure preparedness. A woman told me that her husband has told her that immediately he dies she should suspend mourning until she has safeguarded their property because crying wouldn’t bring him back and he knows what his family is capable of doing.

6. Mental realignment by understanding that death is part of life and we shall all succumb to it one day not necessarily because of what we have done or didn’t do and that although widowhood may happen to us it need not define us. 

These are few proactive steps women and men can take so that the women are better equipped to manage the financial, legal and emotional challenges that come with widowhood, leading to a smoother transition and greater long-term stability. Widowhood is a traumatic experience but the trauma can be better handled and overcome when we have it in mind that every married woman is a potential widow.