I am no moralist, I will do the same again if I find myself in the same situation, though heaven forbid it. I havenโt even gotten over this one, though itโs been almost 20 years ago.
What happened?
It was rape! Itโs not something I want to dredge up after so many years but itโs exactly what happened to me. I was in school and raped by armed robbers who came into our housing area. I didnโt live on campus, I lived in an area populated mostly by students and workers. There were thefts, there were robberies, which I am sure most of our students were the ring leaders because they always came masked. You will never guess their identities.
So there I was in my late teens at the university when this thing happened. You know, I may have been a victim of not just robbery but of plain spite!
In my second year, there was this guy in school. Everyone knew him to be a notorious cult guy. All those leather jacket wearers. He began to toast me, and decided I should be his girlfriend. I wasnโt flamboyant. I didnโt even wear makeup. Then, most of the cult boys had girls falling over themselves and yet this one came after someone who wants nothing to do with him.
Now, we knew many of the robberies were committed by cult boys but no one dared accuse them or point fingers.
One night, three of them came badging into my one room. They held a local pistol to my head, slapped me twice and ordered me to be quiet. After ransacking my room, they stole my phone and laptop. I thought they were gone but one of them came back.
Now, after the raid, my phone and laptop taken and my room left in a mess because they completely turned it upside-down; one of them came back.
He held his gun at me and I truly believed if I had resisted, he would killed me that night.ย I knew he would rape me, I begged him, offered him money but he said,
โYou think you are better than me? Iโll call the others if you make any noise.โ
That voice will forever haunt me. The voice of the cult boy I mentioned earlier.
After he left, I wanted to kill myself.
Now when all the robbers left, the victims came out of our rooms to check on one another. I sat in my room for a long time until my neighbours came and asked how I was. They thought I was just shaken. I followed them outside to check on the other tenants. That night, I also suspect a few other girls were also raped but none of us came out to say, โI was raped.โ
How would you go out and say such a thing?
It will remain the most haunting experience of my life. Several of my neighbors, mostly students, came around asking me what was stolen, to which I replied, only my phone and laptop were taken.
Now laptops were even common among students then. So I wasnโt too surprised they would steal it. It was an old one my uncle passed on to me.
I had no thought to report it. I just went and took a long bath at the common bathroomโฆone or two other girls took their bathsโฆI noticed they stayed long in the bathroom after I leftโฆmy room is the last in a long row and so I see people who enter the bathroom and when they leave.
The following Mondayโฆthis happened Friday night, the following Monday, it was the talk on campusโฆ
I went to the school’s Teaching Hospital and couldnโt even tell the nurses there I had been raped. I just felt sick to my stomach and I hadnโt slept for three days!
Unfortunately for me, the nurses were talking about the robbery, apparently two guys were shot that night. They said it would be a big shame on any girl that was raped. The nurses too were mostly students, student nurses. They didnโt know better then, I guess.
What did I do?
I kept mute.
I complained about fever, they asked me to go do a malaria test at the lab, I didnโt return for my test results.
Weeks later, I still hadnโt got over the rape. I kept having nightmares and stopped attending classesโฆI just couldnโt get over the trauma. I couldnโt even go home to tell my mother about it. The poor woman would lose it completely.
There was virtually no one to talk to, those available would spread the news and that isnโt what I needed at that time.
Then something happened that confirmed my fears. My phone and laptop were returned! I swear! They were packed in those common black nylon bags and left at my door!
I didnโt need a babalawo to tell me I had been raped by the cult boy I rejected.
Though I didnโt see him on campus in the days after the robbery, I knew he was the one.
When I asked my neighbours if they had got their stolen items back, they said no but that I should go report to the police.
I went with the items and reported and was told to write a statement and โdrop something for investigation.โ I told them I was a student and I didnโt have money. The officer said, โStudents are richer than many workers because they get money from different sources.โ I insisted I didnโt have any money to part with and I was told to leave the items, โas evidence.โ I was told to keep reporting to the station โtill further notice.โ
Finally had to open up
It was after I got fed up with the back and forth that I contacted my mother. I told her about the robbers that came to our compound and the police that kept the items.
My mum came to school. We went to the police station and somehow, she got the police to release my laptop and phone.
Now all of these occurred weeks after the rape. Because I was feeling so sad, so traumatizedโฆwhich I didnโt even understand was trauma, then. I missed the early signs of pregnancy.
We went home at the end of the second semester. This was like, two or almost months or so after the robbery.
Anyway, that very evening when I got home, I fell sick. Again, maybe because I had got home and my brain kind of knew I would be taken care of. I just felt so sickโฆthrowing up, feverishโฆall the work.
My mum rushed me to the hospital, thinking it to be malaria and I too, thought it to be malaria. I was admitted and told after some tests were run that I was pregnant!
My mother flipped!
I was shocked. Me, pregnant!
Sure I wasnโt a virgin but I hadnโt been with anyone in the lastโฆ.aww, wait a minuteโฆ
โMummy, I was raped!โ
My mother just dropped to the floor!
โWho, when? How, why didnโt you say?โ
I then had to tell the nurse by my side and my mum what had happened a few months back.
You know, immediately, I told my mother to get the doctors to remove it!
Immediately, my mum agreed and thatโs how I had that pregnancy removed. Though I must say the doctor was at first reluctant. He didnโt do โsurgeriesโ like that but since it was rape, wellโฆ
Nothing would have made me keep that pregnancy, nothing!
Then he came back again
Though I suspected the person who did it, I didnโt see his face!
I couldnโt even complete my education in that school. After my second year semester, my mum pulled me out and I got into a polytechnic.
I finished school. Did my NYSC, went for my Masters and finished, met my husband and then was at the clinic one day when I saw this bastard again!
I went to a clinic to see a doctor because I couldnโt have childrenโฆthree years of marriage, no child. My friend who had used the doctor recommended him. Thatโs how I met this guy again. His life hadnโt improved, he came with a politicianโs wife. One of those thugs who mill around political figures. I wonโt name names.
I wanted to enter the ground!
He came towards me and told me he heard I got pregnant and that I got rid of it!
โYou shouldnโt have. โ
I swear! How he knew, I have no idea to date.
You would say, maybe I shouldnโt have removed the pregnancy. I do not regret it!
Tell me, if I had kept the baby, whose name would it bear?
When he/she grows up, what do I say?
Where do I tell the baby he/she comes from? Who is his/her father? Where is their town? Who are their other grandparents?
And yes, donโt forget I would constantly be reminded that the child came through brute forceโฆhate, angerโฆ
Nah, it was the best decision. If I find anyone in this situation, Iโll say, get rid of it! A child I will carry and love will come in his/her time.
(Series written and edited by Peju Akande and based on true stories)