A girl lost three family members in a swoop and was at a public meeting organised to pay tributes to her accomplished father, sat down whilst being greeted by the vice president of the federation and someone who may or may not have taken time to find out who she was and why she was sitting down while being greeted, posts about her being rude and disrespectful.
After weeks of frenzy speculations and some downright reckless theories, a young mother announces to the world about her having cancer and seeks that she and her family be left in peace to deal with it, yet her statement, surroundings, clothing are subject to insinuations and accusations against her and her immediate family.
A baker once stated that red velvet cake is really chocolate cake (by the way she is correct) and someone who is not a baker, but thinks he knows better states she doesn’t know what she is saying because how can a red cake be chocolate when he knows chocolate is dark brown.
A person gives his opinion on his own page or timeline and someone comes disagreeing with his opinion and abusing him for having it.
I have been on social media for a while now but I am amazed at how increasingly people are so intolerable, vile and toxic in their comments and reactions to other people’s posts or lives both on and off social media. It seems that there are no filters anymore, people’s uncouthness are being exposed daily whilst they hide behind the keys of a computer or phone to pour venom on people they cannot dare approach in public. They are devious, making innuendos they cannot own or defend about people in the public space nonetheless damaging their credibility, respect and name. They are quick to give their uninformed opinions about people, affairs, events and things they know absolutely nothing about, quick to jettison advice from more matured people in the belief that their technology know-how replaces wisdom curated by age and experiences.
Then there’s the other group of people that think that because they follow you on social media or know you through some professional or social groups, they are your buddies. So, they call or chat you up at inopportune times, make inappropriate comments, remarks or jokes, abuse your privacy, call you “my dear” and via video call without your consent, ask inappropriate questions and trample over the basics of social courtesies and boundaries.
Being ill mannered is defined as having bad or poor manners and not behaving well in social situations. It’s being impolite, discourteous, rude. Being ill-mannered can be a conscious act but I suspect that with the pandemic we have on hand, it is likely due to being ignorant of the appropriate customs or social rules for a particular situation.
We are not born with manners and tend to be very self absorbent from babyhood, so manners are taught and modeled by the adults in our lives. Things such as thank you, please, excuse me, respecting the right of others to their opinions, sharing etc are not part of our DNA and must be taught to our children many times before they imbibe them. Social media has exposed the fact that we are a society lacking in good manners. People have not been taught how to be kind, compassionate, tolerant, when to speak and how to speak, how to pass across their opinions in an agreeable manner and how to behave or comport themselves in social gatherings and in the public.
It is obvious that a lot of the younger generation have no social skills, do not know that one does not say everything that one thinks and that before one speaks, one should think about it. What they know of the situation, b. The effect of their words on others and most importantly C. How their words portray and reflect on their character and person.
It makes one wonder the kind of families that many of these people grew up in and also makes one pity them because it so obvious that they are dysfunctional having not been nurtured or cared for appropriately, that they are missing on the basics that make for being human, that they had only themselves and the public for guidance and most importantly that they don’t even know what they are missing and it is doubtful that were they to find it, they would not identify it or know what to do with it. It is also pitiable to know that they can only pass the vileness they know to their offsprings.
There really is the need to be more circumspect in our dealings with people in the social space because apart from maybe getting a huge payout, a large following or going viral it forms people’s opinions, perception of who we are, and that perception and opinion is not likely to change quickly even when we change. Nowadays, I find myself noting down names of people that are badly behaved, so that I can give them a clear berth whenever I come across them physically. It is that bad! and the twin evils of politics and religion have shown us the character of many we admired or looked up to in the past.
Ill mannered people are a social menace, and their interactions are capable of disrupting the harmony and cohesion within the society they operate within and we saw this much during the last elections. Their presence creates a toxic environment, silencing and causing people who should contribute to issues, to shy away from the negativity and toxicity they bring, thereby depriving the society as a whole from benefiting from their experiences. Where there are no attached consequences to their behavior, they influence others to adopt similar behavior leading to a deterioration in social etiquette and behavior. They are responsible for the emotional pain, suffering and at times death of the people they have attacked unjustly.
It’s time to start to deal with these people and although I know a lot of them are rude by choice and not open to change, we cannot afford to let them determine the narrative as to what is or is not appropriate behavior especially because the younger generation are learning from all that they see and hear. My advice is to either correct them by first putting them firmly in their place and if they resist, to walk away from them knowing they have no redemption and never to engage with them again lest one joins them in their drama as they say “the best answer for a fool is silence”.
The truth is that some people take pride in their bad manners and that’s okay so far they take their madness elsewhere but for those who don’t know any better, the Yoruba’s have a saying “A person is born twice. The first time by his mother the second time by himself”. The fact that one was not well brought up is not an excuse not to learn manners. The beauty of the social media space is that we can unlearn, learn and be mentored without personal interactions with those we come in contact with.
Many were raised in Hyena homes, some in wolves homes, few got the Elephants upbringing.- Kelechi Deca