This happened when I was still in the university; I was not a bad boy, just a regular guy that I myself would describe as an idiot, or egbe oshi.
So, there was this babe I had been toasting all over the campus. She was in the Geology department, while I was in English. I met her through a course mate of mine; the girl and my course mate were roommates.
Now, this babe was two years ahead of me. I was in first year but that didn’t matter, I mean, the university is a leveler, whether you’re in first year or final year, all of us are still undergraduates. When you begin to serve, then you have become a senior boy or girl.
So this girl, na, as I was saying, was in her third year. I liked the girl ba je! And was ready to do anything to have her…even though I knew she had a boyfriend who lived off campus but was also a student and as I heard from my course mate, used to beat the girl any time he felt like it!
I don’t understand why girls stay with brutes…any way, I would invite her out, buy Shawamah, buy suya, buy ice cream… walk her sometimes to her lecture hall, even though sometimes my own lectures may be on going. I would escort her, sometimes, to do some shopping and on occasions, I even offer to pay for some items.
I was generally trying to be a good boyfriend material to this babe because I thought she was a queen or some special creature to be cared for.
Unfortunately for me, all she saw in me was a funny guy which was annoying because, I didn’t set out to be a clown. I just wanted to be noticed and accepted as a better alternative to her current boyfriend who I made sure was never in the vicinity when I approached the girl. Why? Ha, when I first saw his photo on her wall, the guy had muscles everywhere, teeth inclusive, I’m not so well built as you can see.
Anytime I visited and met her boyfriend there, I would just settle on her roommate’s bed, remember she was my course mate and act like she was the one I came to visit. I would be there cracking jokes or I would leave to go and come back later.
All the while, I didn’t know that this babe actually liked me, like really, really liked me but she was pretending, telling me we were in friendship zone, her boyfriend is this”n”that…when I asked her why she was still with him despite the fact that he’d slapped her around a few times, she told me, ‘If you don’t stay for the money, you stay for the sex!’
Omo, it was an eye opener for me o, girl talking like this!
That was when I decided to change tactics.
I began to tell her subtly that I wasn’t bad myself; that I was a ‘pleaser’, a lover, a this, a that. All sweet talk o, the girl believed me. She asked me one day when she could visit. I practically leaped for joy. I mean, I had been pursuing the girl for more than one semester, so to think she herself was the one asking to visit me!
I told her to come the following day, that I would have something special prepared for her.
Yeah, I was also staying in the campus hostel but I begged my roommates to disappear for the next three hours, telling them I was expecting a ‘visitor’. Of course, they agreed, after all, I did same for them when they had their own ‘visitors.’
The following day, the girl came; since we both knew what we wanted to do…we began by kissing, then I began struggling to unzip her dress, I didn’t know female zips were such a difficult thing… after fumbling, she said I should give her a minute, she wanted to remove her clothes by herself.
Ok, so now, the way our rooms in the hostel were back then, there were four bed spaces in the four corners of a medium sized room; we often used curtains to demarcate between the spaces, partitioning the two inner beds from the two outer beds; so since we had the whole room to ourselves, I simply moved from the inner to the outer, just behind the curtain to give the girl some time.
As I waited, a foolish idea occurred to me…that I should do press ups!
I swear! Maybe because I remembered her boyfriend was a muscle man, maybe to psyche myself up, maybe to while away the time, I can’t quite remember why that foolish thought came.
Do 30 press ups!
I was already naked and so, gba! I went on all fours and began to do press up! I think I might have done like 15 or may be 20, sef because I was already sweating… when the girl peeped from the inner part, saw me and promptly decided she was not ‘doing’ again!
Henh! You’re not doing ke?
‘I’m going back to my hostel, why are you doing press ups, you want to kill me?’
My ears were blocked, was it blood pumping from the press up or the fact that she didn’t even realise how she dashed my hopes, my expectations asunder!
What! I felt myself shrink immediately before I could explain that it was just the joy of seeing her finally with me that…she was dressed and heading for the door.
Omo, I didn’t speak to her again till we left school! I was too ashamed of myself. I effed up, big time. That’s not the kind of story you want to repeat She must have thought I was a real egbe…
I was sha. Come to think of it!
(Series written and edited by Peju Akande and based on true stories)