My story is a very funny one.
It happened a long time ago when my kids were much younger, now they are a lot older and even in university but the story is not about my children. It’s about my own foolishness and my wife’s silence.
Back in the day, I was a Bobo, a happening guy in town, I was a ladies’ man…yeah. I was. I worked in a bank then and was always travelling. At that time, my bank was opening new branches all over Nigeria and in short all over West Africa and then in South Africa, so I was always travelling.
Now I have a beautiful wife, Nwanyioma but still, since boys will still be boys, my eyes were everywhere. But I was the kind of man who didn’t flaunt my relationships in my wife’s face. I was being silly so no need being unfortunate too. So, most of my escapades were far from where I knew my wife or her friends would ever venture.
I used to go very far to do those things.
My wife, of course, always suspected, you can never truly hide these things from women. She always knew but I never opened up, lai lai!
I would just tell her, ‘These are nasty suspicions, they will destroy our marriage, babym, just focus on raising our children and know that I love you.’
But the babe will just be disturbing me that I am carrying Lagos girls, she would hala, hala but she never caught me red-handed… until one day.
It was Easter period, I did not travel and I was so restless in the house; then this babe that I had been chasing for a long time from one of our branches outside Lagos, just sent BB message that she was in town and if I wanted to hook up, I should come over to meet her at Protea Hotel where she was lodging.
My mind was already conjuring all kinds of moves and as a sharp boy, I stopped by at the pharmacy to get myself a few things…you know, I also stopped at a wine shop to pick up a few drinks
Na so I quickly texted that yes, I would be there! so I cooked up a story for my babym at home, I said, my oga wanted me to come for an urgent meeting because of a branch that was giving us wahala. I had to be very convincing.
Meanwhile, she herself had told me she wasn’t going out with the kids that she was expecting her friends and their kids to come over.
So I didn’t feel guilty that I was leaving them at home.
Na so I enter car. I was dressed in shorts and tee-shirt, because it was Easter and there was no need to be formally dressed, even though I had lied to my madam that I was attending a meeting at the office, na so bobo hit town that day. I was blasting music in fact as I went to meet this girl.
When I got there, I went straight up to her room. I met her and two others, a guy and a girl who were introduced as friends, so we made a foursome. I wasn’t expecting to meet people with her but no wahala, they too obviously had come to meet her there, they would leave, soon, I was sure.
So I stayed, we gisted, all the while, I was hoping these people would leave. As we were all talking, the idea to go to a beach came up. I told them all the beaches would be full this period, I mean beaches are a disaster during public holidays. But they wanted to go, so I suggested Tarkwa Bay, it was secluded, and would have fewer people.
Plus I would have time to know this girl that I had been chasing since. Besides, my madam and kids were home, far from Tarkwa Bay. That time, we lived in an estate in Ogudu.
We had settled in our tent and after a while, I told the babe that we should go for a walk along the beachside. You know, every time I think about this part of the story, I wish I could just rewind the clock.
The babe agreed o, so we were walking and talking, I was there promising her heaven on earth. I was toasting her like kilode…hummn. So the babe just turned and told me my mouth was too sweet. She said I should open it to check whether I hid sugar in my mouth. So that was what she said that made me start chasing her. You know on television, you see man chasing girl on the beach, you see such things, right?
Na so I dey chase this girl on the beach o…I was jogging after her when I passed some people with children…I heard, ‘Daddy, daddy, mummy see daddy is here, too…’ omo, I heard my son’s voice, I turned, I was still running mark you, I saw my wife, her friends, their children all of them watching me…my legs could not stop, my brain just kept urging me, Bobo keep jogging, don’t stop, keep jogging…I just kept running…
Na so, o.
I jogged past them and wasn’t seeing anything else in front of me, I just knew i had to keep going. Meanwhile, the babe I was chasing did not even know what was going on, she was still laughing and enjoying the chase.
My sister, that chase ended my chasing after young girls.
When I got back to the tent we were at, I just knew I was in hot soup!
So, apparently, shortly after I left the house, my wife’s friends came, they were going to the beach and invited my family and since I wasn’t even home, my people just followed them…to the same spot I was busy chasing babe…it wasn’t funny then!
I fully expected my wife to come and scatter the tent I was in with the girl and her friends but thankfully, I think her friends restrained her. I told the girl that we had to go quickly and if they were not ready to go, I was leaving, I had completely lost my joy. As I was in the boat heading back, I looked at the water, even if I jumped inside, it couldn’t hide me from the shame I felt!
My children had seen me, my wife had seen me, her friends had seen me…it was too much embarrassment but I had to man up!
What is it sef? Am I the worst human being on earth? I had prepared my speech for when my wife came home.
Madam came home and she didn’t even say pim!
I just kept begging, ‘biko babym, biko.’
I told her, ‘I messed up, ok, I am sorry.’ No word!
For days, I didn’t sleep on our bed or eat her food o. I was the one who called family members to beg her; like say she hala, made so much noise, then I would have been okay but her silence was deadly.
After that day, I stopped all my skirt-chasing and it was mostly because of my children, I mean, they had seen me chasing after a girl and I didn’t stop, they were just calling, ‘Daddy, daddy come back, come back!’
What sort of man will not stop that kind of game? That’s it, o. I just told them I wasn’t the one they saw that day, that it must have been a man that looked like me.
As for my wife, we are still man and wife. She had no choice but to forgive me, after all, I still provide for her and the children and I am not the worst man in history? I have learned my lesson, that’s the important part.
(Series written and edited by Peju Akande and based on true stories)