I Didn’t Ask to Be Born: When children forget the sacrifices that raised them — Tara Aisida
A story recently made the rounds: after years of sacrificing to give her daughter the best life possible, a mother, in what seemed like a lighthearted moment, told her 25-year-old daughter, “At least when I’m old, you’ll take care of me small, abi?” The daughter’s response was jarring: “Mummy, please don’t expect that from me. I didn’t ask to be born. You should plan your retirement properly.”
Let’s put the drama aside and sit with the core of what was said: “I didn’t ask to be born.”
It’s not a new phrase. Many of us have whispered it before—mostly in frustration and certainly not to our parents’ faces. But hearing it directed at a mother who had worked hard to ensure her child lacked nothing is painful. It forces us to confront some uncomfortable truths about parenting, entitlement, gratitude, sacrifice, emotional responsibility, and how we prepare for the future.
Every parent knows raising children is no small feat. It goes beyond feeding them or sending them to school. It’s a lifelong journey of putting their needs ahead of ours, often at the expense of personal dreams, comfort, and financial security.
Today’s children are growing up with unprecedented comforts—private schools, smartphones, Uber rides, constant data subscriptions, the latest gadgets, and soft landings into adulthood. Ironically, rather than cultivating gratitude, this abundance often breeds entitlement.
Many parents work themselves to the bone, juggling multiple jobs, saying no to themselves so they can say yes to their children. We carry silent burdens—losing sleep when our child is sick, chasing school fees, praying for jobs after graduation.
Why?
Because, in our hearts, we see our children as extensions of ourselves. We believe that if we sow bountifully, we will reap bountifully. That if we pour in love, we will one day receive love in return. And when our hands grow too tired to work and our backs bend with age, they will be there—not just to pay bills, but to be present.
So when a mother says, “At least you’ll take care of me small,” it’s not manipulation. It’s a quiet hope. A wish that the child she poured her life into might return even a fraction of that love and care. She did not bargain to hear, “I didn’t ask to be born,” or “I have my own life to live.”
We are raising a generation that is more self-aware, assertive, and independent than ever—but also increasingly disconnected from the concepts of responsibility, gratitude, and familial reciprocity. A disturbing mindset is gaining traction among young adults: “My parents owe me everything. I owe them nothing.”
To many, parenting is viewed as a duty, not a sacrifice. Love and provision are seen as entitlements, not gifts. I’ve often reminded my own children that in a family, everyone has rights, duties, privileges, and responsibilities—and all must be respected by every member of the household.
It’s unfortunate that in teaching our children to set boundaries, we may have inadvertently taught them to use those boundaries as shields—against accountability, compassion, and commitment.
Let’s be clear: no child asks to be born, and children don’t owe their parents for giving them life. But they do owe the basic courtesies of empathy, respect, and compassion—especially when they’ve received love, care, and opportunity.
As painful as that daughter’s words were, I believe they are a wake-up call—for all of us.
You see, somewhere along the line, we confused doing everything for our children with doing right by our children.
We overcompensated.
We gave too much.
We shielded them from consequences.
We raised children to feel entitled to our sacrifices without learning to reciprocate.
We didn’t talk to them about what it costs to be an adult, to raise a family, or to retire with dignity. We focused so much on making their lives easier that we forgot to teach them that life is not easy. That someday, they too will be in our shoes.
We gave them what we never had but forgot to give them what we did have—discipline, appreciation, and responsibility.
Let’s be honest: hoping our children will automatically take care of us in old age is not a plan. Hope is not a strategy. Sentiment doesn’t pay bills. The statement should be a wake up call to us all to do things differently:
- Start Preparing EarlyRetirement planning isn’t for 60-year-olds. It starts from your 30s or even earlier. Open a pension account. Invest in assets that appreciate. Get insurance- especially medical insurance, take out an annuity, take responsibility for your own future . You deserve to grow old with dignity and peace not with anxiety, waiting for someone else to remember you.
- Draw Boundaries While They’re Young Don’t raise your children to believe that everything they want is theirs by right. Let them work for some things. Let them feel what it’s like to wait, to earn, to sacrifice. That’s how they’ll learn value. Ease off from doing everything for your children—especially adult children. Let them struggle a little. Let them take public transport. Let them learn to cook. Let them contribute to bills if they are working and staying at home. Let them work part-time even whilst in school. The goal is not to punish them—it’s to prepare them.
- Teach Gratitude Explicitly. When my children were young, if I gave them something and they took it without saying thank you, I took it back from them until they thanked me. Talk about your struggles. Share your sacrifices—not to guilt-trip, but to inform. Let your children understand that their soft life didn’t come from the sky. It came from somewhere—often from your blood, sweat, and sleepless nights.
- Don’t Abandon Your Dreams. Some of us give up everything for our kids. That might sound noble, but it can backfire. Keep a part of yourself alive—your skills, your passions, your financial independence. That way, your identity isn’t completely tied to their outcomes.
- Have the Hard Conversations. Talk to your children about aging. About your expectations. About your fears. Don’t assume they know. Don’t leave it till you’re too tired or too broke to speak. Say it now. Say it clearly. Let them understand that love is a two-way street. That while you don’t expect them to pay you back, you do expect them to show up.
- Let Go of Bitterness. If you’re already in the situation where your children have distanced themselves or failed to show appreciation, don’t let bitterness eat you up, do what you can but don’t overstretch yourself. Steady yourself against the emotional shock of your children seeing you as a means to an end only and build your life in such a way that if they disappoint you, you are still standing.
That girl’s statement was hard to hear. But it wasn’t unique. Many parents are hearing versions of it every day—in words or in actions. Our job now is not to wallow in sadness, but to adjust our expectations and strategies. To love our children, yes—but also to love ourselves. Because one day, it won’t be about how many school fees we paid or how many birthday parties we threw. It will be about whether we built something sustainable—for ourselves, and for those we leave behind.
And as we plan for that day, let’s remember this:
Love is not something we can demand and respect begins with how we respect ourselves.
Finally, to the Young Adults Reading This
If you’re one of those who has ever said, “I didn’t ask to be born,” just know this: neither did your parents ask to be abandoned. The same way you “didn’t ask to be born,” is the same way “ they shouldn’t have to beg to be remembered”.
Nobody’s asking you to mortgage your life for your parents. But when the person who raised you, fed you, protected you, and prayed for you says, “I hope you’ll take care of me one day,” the least you can do is not shut that door in their face. They may not be perfect. They may have made mistakes but they showed up for you when it counted. You owe them more than silence. You owe them respect and even if you can’t carry all their needs, don’t cast them aside.