Chlamydia. That is the gift I got on my wedding day.
You know what chlamydia is, don’t you? It burns, it stink’s and your down there is raw and if care isn’t taken, you can become infertile!
I will tell you how it became the gift I got in return for what I thought was a perfect wedding present to my husband.
My wedding day was 26th of November, 2017 and though it was a second marriage for me, I put in everything to avoid what went wrong with the first one.
You see, I had been married to a guy I dated since school. Throughout our university days, I practically lived with him. You know what that means? Living with a boy in school back in the day? Anyway, everyone called us Mr. and Mrs. and I honestly thought ours was a union made in heaven.
It wasn’t. His mother didn’t like me.
I was not from his town. The people from my town were wicked women who used their husbands… funny things a mother tells her son just to discourage him from the woman he wants. Mama succeeded at last.
Even though we got married, Mama was the second wife. After I came back from the UK delivering my baby, our first child, the marriage packed up. I was too devastated to remain in Nigeria and so I relocated to the UK where I am a citizen and thankfully my daughter too is.
I started life again and went back to study nursing. That’s how I was able to keep body and soul together…for 10 years.
But living abroad can be lonely
After I was done with school, got a job, and had a clear head as to where I was headed in life, I wanted someone to share my life with. Yes, I had my daughter but you can only listen so much to a child. I wanted someone to come home to and tell about my day. He should be someone I could dress up for, make up for, cook for, have sex with…
I had a few sexual encounters in the 10 years I relocated but abroad is a different matter. A lot of guys want to use you for paper. Those who have their papers want to live off you. Those who don’t want to live off you are not happy you make more money than them and those who seem not to be worried about the money you make are married and sneaking away from their wives is difficult in the UK. People generally want to stick to their partners.
So I connected with some friends back in Nigeria and one gist after another. One friend after another, I was connected to Frank, the guy I would eventually marry.
Now Frank too had been married before, like me, he was a divorcee and had two young boys. I didn’t mind because, at a certain age, you can’t be a chooser. I was nearing my mid-40s, I knew whoever I would go out with or eventually marry must either be a divorcee or widower. So I came to Nigeria one Christmas period to meet Frank.
We engaged in phone sex
Of course, before I came, Frank and I had been talking on the phone, chatting, and doing google hangouts…before it was phased out and Skype before WhatsApp video came on.
We were two adults, so no beating about the bush, we got on to it!
I also got to meet his two boys online at that time and fell in love with the boys; aged eight and five. He too met Lucy my daughter who was already happy to have two younger brothers of her own.
It seemed life was going to give me a second chance.
That December of 2015 when I came, I met Frank, and saw his boys. I went with him to his village to meet his folks and we had a really great time.
It was two weeks of what I thought was bliss. I didn’t stay at his house, I was at a hotel and he came to stay with me. He left his kids with his ex-wife and so we had time to bond.
You see, I may have been blinded by the fact that I thought I had finally found someone to call my own. He was sweet to me. He was what I thought I needed in a man. Though we didn’t share too many things in common, still, I hoped that when he came to live with me in the UK we would find more common interests. Though the few days we spent together was wild!
I needed just that. Someone to jump into bed with and not worry about someone crashing through the door! I couldn’t imagine what it would be like when he came over, those winter months would be well worth it!
After my visit, we couldn’t have enough
After the Christmas visit, we agreed he would come to the UK, to see how things were before we began planning for a wedding. Unfortunately, he was denied a visa and so, we moved to the next plan of me coming to Nigeria for a wedding and later processing his papers after I go back to facilitate him joining me in the UK.
That was the plan.
We began to put money aside for a small wedding.
Now Frank worked in entertainment. So he was quite flexible with his time and he wasn’t someone who ever asked me for money.
Back in 2015, Frank didn’t have a car. Well, he said his car had some problems that cost him so much and after several visits to the mechanic, it was costing too much to maintain and so he sold it. So when I came home that time, we relied mostly on a friend of his to transport us around and sometimes taxis.
Since the plan was for us to be married, I knew I would also want to come home regularly to Nigeria to see my folks and holiday in Nigeria, so I began to plan a surprise car for Frank. Even though I knew the plan was for him to relocate, having a car would help us move around quickly and be useful to him and the kids pending when I processed his papers.
I liaised with a friend of mine in Nigeria for a good-grade second-hand car…no, I couldn’t afford a brand-new car but I bought a Lexus L X570 Jeep. We would be able to take it to the village, move around with it…that sort of thing.
We had a wedding to plan
As we prepared for the wedding, we divided the things that each of us needed to bring to the table. I got the rings because of course I lived abroad and had eyes on the kind of ring I wanted. He sent me the money to buy them. He paid for the venue, the catering and all. I got my own gown and suits for his boys and a gown for my daughter, who I planned to be there for the wedding.
It was the wedding of my dreams. We had a few family and friends come and the total was about 100 plus, I think.
I remember the look of astonishment when I presented Frank with the car keys. He gave a loud whoop and just scooped me off my feet.
It was a beautiful feeling, you know at that time…yes, I know he didn’t give me any gift in return but that’s ok.
I didn’t know I was going to receive his gift as soon as I landed back to the UK.
It began with me feeling pressed and needing to use the toilet. While peeing, I felt pain that immediately my training as a nurse alerted me to but I just kind of waved it off, like, no it can’t be. The days that followed saw me seeing smelly yellowish discharges in my pants but it was the abdominal pain that infuriated me. I didn’t even need to wait to experience the remaining symptoms to know that I had been infected with a sexually transmitted disease.
Who needs Sherlock Holmes to tell me Chlamydia was my wedding gift?
Me? Chlamydia! I felt used!
And I felt cheated!
I was so angry, I didn’t even call or respond to Frank’s calls for two days while I treated myself! The pain when peeing was mad! The smell was awful. Imagine, what if we had planned to have children, is this what I would have to deal with?
I mean, the guy was busy sleeping around while we planned our wedding!
He was having unprotected sex while I was calculating the cost of the car and registration and getting all the papers ready to surprise him for our wedding!
When I did confront him, he denied it, of course. You know the worst part is, he claimed he couldn’t be sure I wasn’t the one who infected him and thus re-infected myself! He claimed he had no symptoms and so I must have been the one who gave him Chlamydia.
Here’s the thing, how can he claim not to have symptoms and yet, say I infected him? He must have known, was probably treating himself when I fly in for the wedding. You know, it would be odd if he used a condom for me, so he took the risk and infected me.
I know I said some nasty things because his theory is just ridiculous.
Chlamydia burns you, gives you aches and pains, and it took a while to get cured.
I took our first major argument as cue that this wouldn’t work!
And so I decided to stop processing his papers. I mean, what’s the point? I know I was desperate to have a man but having him come to the UK and fearing he would be cheating on me was too much for me to consider bringing him over. What’s a marriage if there’s no trust?
No trust from the get-go.
I just abandoned him in Nigeria. I left the car for him. He should still consider it my wedding gift.
(Series written and edited by Peju Akande and based on true stories)