He shat on the bed and our relationship collapsed!
I heard stories of my so-called infidelity being peddled by my ex. When we parted, I refrained from talking because I thought what happened between us was private. I wanted to protect him.
We shared what I thought was a secret and so I closed my mouth whenever people asked me why we split.
But I began to hear stories of my “infidelity.”
This “infidelity” story began after he saw a Facebook post I made with my new guy. The new guy happened to be a one-time friend of my ex. That’s how all this wahala began.
When we dated, my ex had a thing about me not sleeping overnight at his place. You know, he would insist I go back to my house every day. When we went on dates, he would drive me back home. Even if we didn’t go out and I had been at his place all day, by evening, he would pick up his car keys and drive me back home. For instance, after making love, say it’s evening, he would get up from the bed and tell me to get dressed, straight back to my house.
Couples don’t do that, do they?
I wasn’t invited to sleep over at his place even though we had dated for close to two years at that time.
Now at the beginning, I was like, ‘Ha, why would he insist on driving me home?’ Even when we went out and had to return late, he would drive me straight back to my house before going to his. If I had been at his place from morning till evening, you know, as couple concern, after making love and all that, he would quickly get up and head for the bathroom and you know, tell me to get up so that he could take me home.
Am I the one with the bad smell?
I began to think I was the one who had a bad odour. He had told me some of the women he dated before had pungent smell after making love to them. So when he rushed to the bathroom, I was like, ‘come o…do I smell when I am aroused like those women?’
But he said no, that he liked to clean himself after sex…ok. No wahala.
As for me, I can sleep off with all the cum still on my body. I no get dat kind worry. But he would insist I got up to wash and take me back home.
Many times, I told him I wanted to sleep over or spend the weekend at his place but he never agreed to it.
Abi na juju?
I should have known something wasn’t right.
His mum would come and speak their language, you know, I figured, she had to be the one behind it.
Then one day, we had an event at Glover Hall in Lagos. It was a Bachelor Party. During the party, I think he may have taken drugs. I know he does, you know, recreational drugs. We went in the company of his old schoolmates…with their wives, girlfriends, plus one…whatever.
My ex smoked weed once in a while, too. So around 1.15 am, the rest of his friends decided to leave. We got up to leave, too, even though the party was still on. When we got to the car park, he asked one of his friends to drop me at home. The guy asked him why my ex would let me go home this time of the day.
I just stood there looking at both of them. When it seemed none of his friends were willing to take me, he said, “Get in, let’s go.” We ended up at his place. We removed our clothes…we got frisky…we made love…he just slept off. He didn’t get up to wash like he often did. We slept off. I woke up at maybe 4 am-ish. I needed to pee…some pungent, nasty-as-shit smell hit me.
My ex had shat on our bed!
Yes, shit!
Ha!
I got up quickly, pulling off the sheets and trying to see why I was kind of wet. As I was getting up to put on the light, my ex was already up. He said, “Don’t put it on!”
I said something is smelling like…” he didn’t let me finish, he screamed at me not to put on the light and that I should leave the room, immediately…omo I pick race and scrambled towards the door, afraid and confused.
What was that? He shat on the bed, for real? I saw even in the dark as he kind of staggered into the bathroom…
You know, it wasn’t planned but that was when the sense came to me, video this thing. In case it is a ritual or something. Because to be honest, I was scared. However, I am too much of a Lagos babe to be caught off guard. So I did a video while he was in the bathroom. The crack of light from the bathroom provided some sort of light though I agree it isn’t as clear as I would want it especially as he didn’t want me to put on the light.
Then, something must have told him I was doing something bad because he called from the bathroom and told me to leave the room and go sleep in the guest room.
But I had been smeared with shit! So I videoed my stained nightwear, which was the t-shirt that he gave me. I understood this was embarrassing for him and even for me. How do you go about telling people your guy shat on the bed? So, I just went to the guest room, removed the T-shirt I wore to bed, and took a bath. He didn’t come to me in that room till the following morning.
We never spoke about it. I never asked him what happened. He never offered an explanation.
The shit had hit the fan!
After that incident, our relationship became strained. That shit had smeared our relationship. We quarreled more often and one day, his mum came, and she asked me to leave her son alone. He just stood there like a stone and said nothing.
I left. I was already fed up!
So when people asked me what happened between us, I only cited what oyinbo people said when they don’t want your nose in their business, “irreconcilable difference.” Abi, no bi so?
And things have been fine…until a few weeks back, when the rumours began. I was told he said I was sleeping with his friend that’s why he dumped me! There was even a version that said I had slept with several of his friends.
I said, “Haba mana, wetin? You know the reason we parted and you are spreading these lies?
So, the reason he has been saying I slept with his friend, the one he saw on my Facebook post is simple. I had told him, back then when we were dating, that one of his friends was making passes at me. You see, he didn’t find out by any means. I just thought to tell him, so he knows the guy was not a true friend. But the guy that made passes isn’t even the one I am currently dating. This is an entirely new person…who was once his friend.
So when I heard the talk of me flirting and even sleeping around, I was mad! I sent him a text, “You shat on the bed, that’s why we split!” He ignored me and continued the rumour.
Well, that’s why I said, if I continue to hear any rubbish talk from him, I will send the video to his friends!
(Series written and edited by Peju Akande and based on true stories)
