If it’s good it’s God — Tara Aisida

Some days ago, I came across a reel on instagram posted by Nancy Umeh, a chef, food blogger and business owner about how she welcomed her third child after a seven year wait. The reel caught my attention because she had the child via surrogacy and she was so excited as she took her viewers along the journey of how she received the news that the baby was coming, her anxious wait at the hospital as she was being birthed, the handing over of the baby to both she and her husband and the bonding process of placing the baby on their naked skins and breastfeeding.  

The excitement both she and members of her family displayed at having the baby was very infectious. It was as if she were their very first child and her father’s first grandchild.

In a society where the very hint of anything “unnatural” is sure to get people talking, where having a baby via caesarean section is seen as a weakness or laziness on the part of the mother, mothers do not regard a major surgery as a miracle but would rather pray that their daughters give birth “like the Hebrew women” (whatever that means), where women would rather die than remove their wombs, people secretly employ assisted reproductive measures and then testify of how God helped them without mentioning the process they went through, the actions of the Umeh family is very commendable. 

 Their willingness to consider surrogacy, the courage to admit publicly that they had used unconventional means to achieve their dream of a third child, the passion with which they have welcomed their child has done a lot for the plight of couples who are battling with infertility in our country. The agency they used-Nigeria Surrogacy Agency @meetsurrogatemothers has posted on its instagram page that it’s DM is full of enquiries following the release of the reel. 

I had my two children by caesarean section and have always told anyone who cared to listen that having gone through the horrors and pain of childbirth only to have my baby die three days afterwards due to brain damage occasioned by forceps delivery because I refused to consider the suggestion of a doctor who thought I should have a C-section due to my pelvic size, I would take it any day anytime so far my child lived. It is my opinion that CS is safer and easier on women than vaginal childbirth. 

In a world where couples are increasingly finding it difficult to have children, we must begin to look at ways in which to satisfy the parental urge and revisit those archaic ideas that state that man has no business helping God in that area. I subscribe to the thinking that whatever is good is from God and that he performs miracles via medical science and have encouraged friends who were thinking of in-vitro fertilization (IVF) and/ or adoption to do so or even nudged some in that direction.

The reasons many give for not exploring assisted reproductive means or even adopting children stem mainly from fear, that the child may have genetic or spiritual issues which they may not be able to deal with, that the child may not be accepted by their extended family, that they or their partner may not have the ability to love a child that they did not birth. 

I have a friend who was open to adoption, but it took her 10 years to convince her husband that they should adopt and now the child they adopted at four months old is now in her teens and the hitherto unwilling husband cannot imagine life without her. 

Surrogacy, adoption and fostering may seem new, but it will surprise us to know that right from the dawn of time, man has always found a way to circumvent the difficulties in having children. 

  1. Sarah’s maid Hagar was more or less a surrogate mother as the plan Sarah had when she touted the idea to her husband Abraham was that through Hagar they would have a family. 
  2. Moses’s  upbringing in Pharaoh’s palace was a form of fostering widely used by royal families in ancient times who sent their heirs apparent to the homes of other nobles so they could be safe from being killed by usurpers to the throne, build strong connections with their mates in other families and become well trained in all that they need to rule their communities.  
  3. Jesus was adopted by his earthly father Joseph to provide legitimacy and a loving home for him.

Surrogacy as it is known today, offers couples a chance to experience parenthood that can be as close to bearing the child themselves. It is however a journey that comes with significant risks, advantages and disadvantages. The first legal surrogacy agreement occurred in 1976 in the United States, and in 1985, the first baby born via gestational surrogacy (where the surrogate has no genetic link to the child) was delivered. Advances in assisted reproductive technologies, such as IVF, have since made gestational surrogacy a common option, with agencies and legal frameworks developed worldwide to manage the process.

There are two types of surrogacy:

1.Traditional surrogacy: The surrogate is inseminated with the intended father’s sperm, making her the biological mother of the child.

2.Gestational surrogacy: The surrogate carries an embryo created from the egg and sperm of the intended parents or donors, meaning she has no genetic link to the child.

The main advantages of surrogacy are that couples who hitherto couldn’t have children either because of age or medical issues have a chance at having children who share their genes and they are able to participate in the whole process from conception to birth. The disadvantages are that it is very expensive, there are legal complexities as to whose child it is and also emotional entanglements and exploitation especially on the part of the surrogate who is often vulnerable.

The subject of surrogacy and all assisted reproductive methods will undoubtedly spark debates about the commercialisation of childbirth, the morality and religious views of using a third party to have a child. It is a complex yet life-changing option for individuals and couples yearning for parenthood and as a society we need to talk about it , accept the realities and acknowledge that God is at work in all these methods same as he gave doctors the wisdom of creating vaccines which have eradicated many diseases

There is no doubt that although surrogacy opens doors for those facing infertility or other challenges, it also raises important ethical, legal, and financial questions. My suggestion to anyone considering surrogacy, is that they have the responsibility to thoroughly research the process, consult professionals, and ensure all parties involved understand their rights and responsibilities. My appeal to us as a society is that we should embrace and support rather than castigate couples who have chosen this route. 

Once again I applaud the Umeh’s and thank them for their candor and openness in sharing their journey with the public. They have done the Lord’s work. Photo credit

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