I saw a video on WhatsApp, a skit, really. A young lady in risqué attire getting flogged by her neighbours for being “provocative” with her mode of dressing.
Shaming her, degrading her, and sending her back home to be properly covered is their way of contributing to the well-being of our society.
The video got a lot of comments from group members.
Some applauded the “vigilante” neighbours who felt “duty-bound” to “correct” their “slutty” neighbor. Their main reason was that she was practically asking to be raped or assaulted or molested, take your pick.
The other commenters averred that she was an adult and had a right to dress the way she wanted. They pointed out the fact that many of the victims/survivors of rape are not necessarily risqué dressers.
They pointed to the fact that babies who weren’t provocative were raped. Young girls in school uniforms who weren’t provocative were raped. There are even cases of women covered from head to toe who still fell victim to these mad men and so the problem really isn’t with the dressers but the rapists.
Another example on TikTok
Another person shared a video on TikTok; a mother invited her daughter to go shopping and she was in bum shorts and cropped top; the father comes out and says, go back and change, she refuses. So father and mother go indoors and emerge in bum shorts and cropped tops, exactly like their daughter. The daughter gets the message and goes to change into decent clothing.
Hold this thought while I share another story.
I work for an NGO advocating against Sexual and Gender-Based Violence. This NGO is working with two state governments in Nigeria that have domesticated the VAPP law. The NGO aims to break down to the street level the implications of the VAPP Law to the mass of the people and enlighten them on what the law is and the consequences of breaking it. This it hopes will help reduce incidents of violence against vulnerable persons and also ensure the government, on its part, doesn’t continue to pay lip service to the Law.
This intro is necessary to let you know that to a large extent, I am aware of what victims of violence face. The trauma they go through and how life, by a simple act of violence, could change for the worse for many people.
Tales from survivors
In meeting with survivors, hearing their stories and reading up about them, I have come to see that aggressors, many times, often prey on their victims when opportunity suddenly arises. Yes, some are premeditated, however, more often than not, their victims are as random as ever; they do not necessarily fall into any category. Meaning regardless of age, creed, religion, and sex, people who find themselves in vulnerable positions became victims. And some, simply because their attacker said they were dressed in certain ways.
My journey with this NGO opened my eyes to a number of societal issues: rape in particular and why it is on the rise. One other thing I saw was, despite the fact that the survivors, many times, practically did nothing to warrant being raped became victims/survivors with scars and trauma of a lifetime.
It’s the trauma that bothers me.
The lifetime of guilt and pain that follow the attack, bothers me.
It’s the, “Had I known I would have…” that often tears at me.
They have become a number we quote when we refer to them in general. Victims/survivors are numbers we quote to estimate, the data we use to come to a conclusion about something. Being part of a stat for issues like this isn’t great. To put things in perspective, during the lockdown, Nigeria recorded 3600 cases of rape that were recorded.
This is aside from numbers from each state, nationwide, year after year…
They did nothing to provoke the attack
You and I know these figures aren’t accurate. I can argue there are more unreported cases, many times the unreported form the majority but let’s go with 3600.
In three months! It’s an epidemic! I’m not even sure we recorded up to 3600 deaths from covid that same period. But there you have the figures, the stats that show we have a problem on our hands.
So let’s tell ourselves a few home truths, our world is sick. There are sick minds out there and they prey on the unsuspecting.
You know who else they prey on?
The ones who are claiming agency over their bodies. The videos I described above divided friends on the platform it was posted on. From these videos, a few people told of how ladies they knew had got attacked because of what they wore and a few were molested.
Are we saying their dressing caused them to be molested? Sometimes, yes.
It got them unnecessary attention, yes.
It got them noticed by people who would have tried to protect them but decided against it because they figured, maybe the way they were dressed was equal to asking for it.
This shouldn’t be but there are sick people out there
And here’s the thing, no one knows any of these sickos until they are caught! Had the label, sicko been written on their foreheads, then we know to avoid them. I would rather avoid them even if it means by my decent dressing, than be attacked and be a stats.
And it is in drumming up awareness for these sickos everywhere and reminding our ladies to beware. No one wants to lecture you on what to wear but when you wear clothes that leave little to the imagination, you open yourself to attack and become a stat.
While I agree it’s your body, and your money to buy these clothes but except you are Kim Kardashian who has bodyguards lined up to protect you, you really are setting yourself up for attacks not just from trolls online but physically from people who think it’s their job to get you properly clothed.
I hear someone say, would you say that to a man?
No. I wouldn’t, especially as the rape of boys and men isn’t as statistically frightening as it is of women and girls.
I will encourage decency.
I will encourage conscious security. Meaning even if you have to go out, be in a group, never go alone even with familiar strangers.
Decent dressing is a small price to pay to a life time of pain.
They are sick, you are not and so that old adage, dress the way you want to be addressed still holds true from my point of view.
However, if you know you’ll be safe, as in you have barrel-chested bodyguards knock the sense out of any molester, flaunt your boobs in see-through and shake what your mama gave you…it’s your agency.