Let me tell you how I came to love squats.
I came across him by chance and fell in love with him immediately.
Can you blame me?
He is a tall, dark, and handsome man…wears a moustache the way I like men who wear moustaches. You will notice he has a huge smile with even teeth, the way I like it on men. He has huge biceps. Yes, well-pumped biceps that tells you he spends most of his time in the gym…as in, most of it.
And yes, he’s got huge biceps, which are great…I let my eyes travel down to see his taut stomach. I liked what I saw…. I didn’t linger long on his torso, there was a pouch covering it…fact is, there’s always a pouch covering it.
My eyes eat up his muscled thighs. Errm…the legs, that didn’t quite look manly but hey, no man is moulded perfectly. I watched him, smiling from ear to ear, eating him up with my eyes. The camera moved to show me the rest of him. He wears grey tights that hugged his bums…they are to die for!
Through the lights from the camera angle, I could see he was wearing thongs, too! “I want his bum! Me want that tight, well- sculpted bum on this guy…”
I found out his name; Nkululeko Dlamini, as I hunt for his videos online. I scoured several exercise guru sites and found him. All of his videos were reposted. Apparently, he has fans like me who hunt for videos of him doing all manner of squats. Squats that strengthen weak knees and mould powerful thighs…and bums. He is often singing…smiling, wearing a durang, and showing us his big bum.
Squat a little, kneel a little
Many videos title him the King of Squats on Instagram; all I was able to get is that he is South African with a bum to die for.
And we all know South Africans beat all Yoruba women hands down when it comes to big bums and hips, they own the prize for Africa, even their men…I mean, look at the King of Squat.
I had noticed his bum was essentially what the focus of the videos were. Like, “hey look at this muscled guy wivdabiggibuma!”
I also noticed he has quite a huge number of female followers…many times he is with them in the gym, showing them squats. Many stand beside him to take photos but you’ll also notice that many of the women like his photos from behind. I guess they are like me, telling themselves, if he achieved this bum from squats, “amma get my own bum from dem squats”.
Some may argue, and I am one of those…which is a lie, but I still maintain my lie, that yes, I’m doing it for my knees and it’ll be great to have toned thighs as well…thunder thighs, actually but hell, yes.! and I can reel off other health benefits of squats as demonstrated by The King of Squats
Knees or bums, thighs or calves…
So I have begun my own regimen of squats. I manage to do like 10 squats and I tire ever so easily but as soon as I click on videos of King of Squats, I am energized to do like two or three more… and after these…daily…I check out my bum in the mirror… “Has it grown any bigger? Is it rounder…tight like King of Squats, bum?”
I told my partner about my new love, and I showed him the video. He wasn’t impressed, he hissed and walked away…guy is a hater, like the rest of the other guys who make unkind comments in every video that features the King of Squats.
Men just hate that we women love the King of Squats. Just the other day, while I was huffing over the 7th squat, my partner mocked, “Don’t you think it’s too late for you doing that squat, you think your bum will suddenly grow…”
Aww crap!
I wasn’t ready to let anyone spoil my plans, “…It’s not the bum I want, (which is a lie)… I am doing it for my knees …”
(Under my breath)…hater!”
I won’t mind him. Guys generally have no encouraging words for the King of Squats online. Just read the nasty comments about him, it’s as if he stole their squats.
Anyway, myself and the rest of his female fans are hailing him. We are trying our daily squats and constantly checking if our derrieres have acquired that tightness, that sculpted, you must look at me pump that follows the King of Squats in his tights and yes, when we get the bum, we are going to be strutting around in thongs and tights…just like the the King!
Now, kneel!