I am sick and tired of being and sick tired over the crashing of all the so-called celebrity marriages in good old Lagos.
These characters can’t understand the simple fact that marriage is serious business. Like in show-business, there must be the “show” and of course the “business”. If the business side of the show is lacking, then the marriage gets crashing like the old poem known as “Humpty-Dumpty”. It is incumbent on all dutiful husbands to marry their wives in cash and kind. Nothing should be lacking, especially the action. The problem is that there is the saying “Eko for show” but not for hard action!
The fact that a fine man has played the role of husband to some beautiful Nollywood damsels in a dozen or so movies does not qualify the bloke as a real-time husband. Yes, “reel-time” is so different from “real-time.” In the movie, there are the klieg lights shining, but in an actual marriage one must perforce negotiate very dark corners and contours. Marriage is not about speaking American phonetics. To underscore how tough marriage is, the Catholic Church for instance insists that one must get as far as the Vatican to see the Pope before one can get a divorce!
It is an insult upon the great institution of marriage that these clowns known as celebrities end up getting married after eating a plate of Nkwobi at OJEZ Restaurant at National Stadium, Surulere, Lagos.
Trust “otimkpu” journalists who call themselves celebrity writers to ballyhoo the “wedding” to the high heavens only for the marriage to collapse before their newspapers get to the news stands. Then words such as “irreconcilable differences” are bandied about as the cause of the break-up of the non-union. Their differences may have been reconcilable while they were eating the hot Nkwobi only to suddenly turn into irreconcilable once the Nkwobi gets cold in short seconds inside their tummies.
As a serious business, marriage demands cream and cash. One must not be found wanting in performance. The gymnastics needed in getting a lady singing goes from the bedroom to the bank and shop-room. The fact that you performed excellently last night is no excuse not to perform more excellently inside the shopping mall at high noon. The balancing act of the phallus and the purse leaves many a lover boy staggering in the giddy echelons of marriage.
This reminds me of this Nollywood dude who acted in a film set on a boat in the high seas. He then started walking in a staggering manner like he was being swayed by the waves of the sea. His father was alarmed that his son was walking that way. When the dude explained that he was walking that way because of the waves that kept swaying him this way and that while acting in the movie on the high seas, his father was aghast.
“How long were you on the high seas acting?” asked the father.
“Two weeks,” replied the son.
“Only two weeks, and you are already walking jagajaga like the waves,” said the father, shaking his head. “So me that I’ve been married to your mother for all of fifty years should be walking like a he-goat in action?”
And the old man promptly demonstrated the thrusting movement of a he-goat-on-heat jerking back and forth in one-corner action!