I was recently introduced to a young woman. Looking at her toned arms and legs, her nude makeup that belies heavy foundation and might I add, quite expensive makeup, too, her finely cut hair…some barber had done hours of work and detail on this. I knew she was a very intentional young woman.
“So, what do you do?” I wanted to know as I couldn’t place what profession she might be in.
“I’m a divorce coach.”
“Pardon me?” My eyes were wide, my mouth was open and my ears were pricked.
She repeated, “I am a Divorce Coach. Divorce coach. If you want to get a divorce…divorce can be traumatic…
“Yeah, I have been there,” I wanted to tell her.
“…I help you prepare for it, before and after.”
My eyes widened in shock but I soon slowly began to dim it from suspicion and what I later termed to be self-righteousness of an aunty nobody gives a damn about.
“Is that a thing, now?”
“It’s getting big, there’s a demand for it and we’re here…”
I was shocked. As we say in Nigeria, Nothing wey Musa no go see for gate. I wanted to ask but daren’t, “Why would anyone want to profit from other people’s pain? Divorce is no joke.”
Maybe she read that self-righteous smirk on my face. She soon disappeared among the crowd of guests at the Cultural centre we were at.
I pondered hard later and before long, my self-righteousness gave way to grudging admiration.
She has positioned herself for a market that has not yet identified itself as such.
I mean, look around you. Husbands are pounding their wives to pulp in the name of anger and their rights as men of the house, wives are on vengeful missions, going out of marriages to give their husbands other men’s babies. We are telling women in domestic violent situations not to remain but to flee for their lives because “marriage is not a do or die affair.”
Recently, I am not sure how I came across it, but on YouTube, I have been listening to old episodes of the Justice Court presided over by Judge Funmi Asaolu. I say listen because, rather than watch, it’s easier to just plug my ears and listen; you’ll generally get the gist of what people have come to air out on this televised court proceedings.
Nigerians are no longer keeping divorce talks within the family. People have come to iron out desperate issues concerning their marriages. 8 out of 10 want out. 6 out of 10 are already out simply asking the Judge to ensure the children are catered for.
What are the reasons? Plenty
Domestic violence tops it. Then infidelity. When trust is broken in any relationship, its lifeline is taken away and from my observation, this is like 80% of the reasons couples want out of the marriage. And infidelity is both ways. You find women now saying they would leave their marriages because their men cheated. No longer are their mothers telling them to remain with the usual, that is how we keep marriage, the women are walking out or going out on revenge missions and cheating and when the men find out, the home is broken.
As my friend says, “Things have changed”.
The lack of effective communication is also a factor. Many times, this leads to a breakdown of the marriage. Add the worsening economic situation Nigerians have been plagued with in the last 20 years and more…then yes, communication is the first thing out when couples are stressed out over money matters.
Some succumb to religion for respite. But many of the religious centres are now accepting of divorce. It is no longer a taboo.
I mean for Nigerians to come out openly on TV to talk about their marital issues…yeah, things have changed.
What has also changed is the way we live. Thanks or not to Western influences, people see things differently from what was years back.
And so, thinking about the young woman.
Maybe it’s not such a bad idea after all that there are people who are thumping their chests and calling themselves Divorce Coaches.
Maybe they are needed to help people carry on if we accept that divorce is a part of the way we live now. A quick Google check brought me to research done by CNN, it says “Divorce causes more than bitterness and broken hearts, the trauma of a split can leave long-lasting effects on mental and physical health that remarriage might not repair.”
Well, I guess this is where the divorce coach makes her entrance.
She cannot be accused of breaking an already broken home, and though she will not mend it, she, like the casket maker, will help ease the transition of a loved one.
That’s the way I have chosen to look at this.
The reality on ground opens doors for occupations we had no idea would be an occupation.
I remember having a conversation about how occupations are evolving when someone told me some 15 years ago they were looking for a Twitter Jockey. I was like, “ki lon je be?”
What the hell is that?
I had no idea what that was. Then I found out it was someone who was social media savvy to manage the social media page of companies who wanted to interact with their clients.
In a few years, these companies began to hire social media influencers when they realised their social media platforms were just not big enough…then bloggers came on board and companies courted them for news about their brands and products…and I can go on and on.
So what exactly is the purpose of this discourse? As my mother used to say, “Life evolves and we evolve with it.”