Life is made up of so many moments, the little, medium and the big. We tend to focus on the big and medium events like anniversaries, celebrations, events, outings etc but it’s the daily things that make up the fabric of our everyday lives and most times we don’t know their impact and importance until they no longer feature in our lives.
Whilst they are alive, we tend to think our loved ones will always be around and do not appreciate the little quirks unique to them. We are mostly appreciative of the seemingly big things they do for and to us but it’s those little things that we miss the most when they are gone never to return.
The little things that trigger off emotions in ways only we can understand, because in their ordinariness they show us just how much our lives and daily routines have been disrupted.
I remember the little things that echo Mr Aisi’s absence, the television sets that remain turned off, light bulbs that go off and are not immediately replaced, his car that remains parked at home at odd hours of the day, my having to buy fuel for the generator and credit for electricity.
I remember going to a bank and a guy that joined me on the queue had on a perfume that Mr Aisi used in the early days of our marriage. For a moment, it seemed if he had walked up to me and it brought back memories that I had long forgotten.
I have been held hostage by my memories and it’s surprising that most of these memories have nothing to do with the big events of our lives but the mundane things, like the first time I noticed he was a fine looking man in spite of his black shade of handsomeness, the way he talked when he was excited about his work, the way he looked at me sometimes, memories of our first date, the early years of marriage when we had practically nothing.
Some of these memories were annoying at back then like the way he cleared his throat in the mornings, how he always arranged his clothes in a particular manner, how he could go through toilet roll quickly, how he forgot to put off the lights when leaving a room, or always having the largest pile of clothes for laundry every week but today they are thoughts drenched with nostalgia and the longing for the return of those seemingly annoying things is overwhelming.
Some of them were unique to only him like his calling when he was already at the gate of the house to tell me he would be another hour late only for him to drive in seconds later, his way of pressing the horn when he was at the gate which announced his arrival, the way he would sometimes bathe, brush his hair and use perfume in the evenings before going to bed saying he wanted to look good in his dreams because he didn’t know who he might meet.
So what am I trying to say today? Make good memories with your loved ones, things you can think back with a smile at, with gratitude for, with joy about. Let’s give us and our loved ones the gift of being free to be ourselves and with one another.
I had always been one for delayed gratification, waiting till everything was picture perfect till the enjoyment begins, Mr Aisi was however a good time guy, enjoying life on the go. I have him to thank for the spur-of-the-moment decisions that created joyful memories that have helped to make his passing easier. So, please let’s learn not to sweat the small stuff, they really don’t matter, let’s learn to enjoy our journeys as we live life.
Also let’s learn to live with one another’s quirks, they are things that mostly irritate or annoy us but they are unique to our loved ones and are the things we are mostly likely to remember and miss the most about them.
As parents, let’s make the effort to create memories with our kids. Simple things like teaching them a board game, telling them stories, dancing with them, watching films , teaching them how to cook, use the cutlery, going on holidays both at home and abroad make deep impressions on them and imprint us on their hearts long after our demise.
In the long run, all that we are left with are memories, let’s celebrate our uniqueness and take time to make beautiful memories of the time we have together.
Life is short , don’t waste it.