This decadently lawless nation has just made a song-and-dance of 72 newly-minted Senior Advocates of Nigeria (SAN).
A crooked wig on the head of each of them!
Obviously the relentless manufacture of lawyers and SANs cannot keep pace with the rule of law in Nigeria.
The emperor of democracy can do with a borrowed wig or two!
It is indeed striking that just as the list of the new SANs was released, one newfangled university showcased the super-duper politicians that graduated from its law faculty.
One of the more voluble politicians actually claimed he made a first-class in the law degree only for the university to come out fast with an instant disclaimer.
Well, the old cliche says it all: “The more, the merrier!”
My meat is not with baby lawyers but the old gurus celebrated as SANs alongside their clout and swagger.
The SAN mantle used to be a singular title of repute starting from the very beginning with Chief Rotimi Williams and Nabo Graham-Douglas.
We have over the years seen illustrious names such as Chief Obafemi Awolowo, Prof Ben Nwabueze, Gani Fawehinmi, Olisa Agbakoba, amongst others mount the lofty SAN pedestal.
Every lawyer aspires to be a SAN because the fear of the Senior Advocate of Nigeria is the beginning and end of wisdom.
Recently, a mere letter from a well-known SAN nearly killed a self-advertised king of a local community across the Niger.
One man who would rather rule in Hell than serve in Paradise, as John Milton wrote in Paradise Lost, led the charge of the dismemberment of his hometown, and crowned himself the king of his miniscule autonomous community.
The prominent leaders of the town who would not want their homeland split into puny communities got a distinguished SAN to dispatch a letter to the uppity “king”.
When the letter got into the man’s hands, he screamed “SAN!” and promptly fainted in a manner nearer to comatose than sleep.
Traumatised members of his community had to rally to great lengths to bring him back to life.
As his acute palpitation was giddily transcending to chronic trepidation, the man kept muttering in Igbo: “Igwe ejee nga!” which translates to: “The king goes to jail!”
It took no time at all to dawn on the man and his tiny community that they could not gather the resources to hire another SAN to undertake the imminent court battle on their behalf.
To save himself from the abomination of a king going to jail, the man had to plead with the potentates of the larger town to ask the SAN to drop the case as he no longer had any use for the autonomous community he planned to lead.
The clout of a SAN is indeed immense in Nigeria – it is akin to royalty, an aura fit only for proper kings.
When a SAN steps into a court, it is like the very charge of electricity as all eyes definitely turn towards the figure of singular distinction.
That was then, before SAN turned into “sand-sand”!
As the rule stands, SAN is a title that may be conferred on legal practitioners in Nigeria of not less than 10 years’ standing.
To be thus decorated, one must have of course distinguished oneself in the legal profession.
In the scheme of global comparison, SAN is the equivalent of the rank of Queen’s Counsel in the United Kingdom, Australia and Canada.
The rank of a SAN amounts to admission into the “Inner Bar” as opposed to the “Outer Bar” consisting of junior advocates and the “charge-and-bail” folks.
The history of the conferment of SAN dates back to April 3, 1975 when Chief F.R.A. Williams and Dr Nabo Graham-Douglas were honoured with the first two titles.
Chief (Mrs) Folake Solanke holds the distinction of being the first female to be made a SAN in 1980.
It is the application that the lawyer brings to bear on his work that propels him in time to reach the heights of the profession in the golden years of yore.
As a standout repository of knowledge and experience, the story of every given SAN of the days of glory deserves to be told.
For such a guru of the law to die without writing an autobiography or even having a biography against his name amounts to burning down an entire library.
Sadly, the SANs of nowadays are steeped in the corruption and rape of law hampering the growth of Nigeria into real civilization.
My good friend advises that I should not be too hard on the SANs in a country where the Supreme Court is on record to have appointed an unelected state governor!
Let’s end on the note of how cool it is to become a SAN.
There was this rugged lawyer – let’s call him Quo Waranto – who was dying to be made a SAN.
Quo Waranto was coming every day to the office of his friend who was a respected SAN, begging for the process to be facilitated so that he too can join the esteemed class of SANs.
The good friend helped Quo Waranto to become a SAN, and Quo Waranto immediately stopped coming to his friend’s office.
“Quo Waranto,” the friend called on phone, “I hope you are fine as we no longer see you in the office here.”
“Please address me properly as a SAN,” Quo Waranto replied. “If you want to see me, come to my office as no SAN is greater than the other!”